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Confused about my BF 's behavior?

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Posted 4/25/2008 10:41 PM (GMT 0)
Hi all,
I love you all!My bf 's behavior is mind boggling as weekend approaches,he seems maniac ?Today we had to go to friend's birthday party that we were invited to since 2 months but bong out of blue he seems to get upset and throwing tantrums ,tells me to go alone .I only want to go as a couple but he is giving me headache now.
What should i do now?i am so sad & lost

sad
yana
Posted 4/25/2008 10:56 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Yana,

Has he been happy to go until today? Is there something he might be anxioius about in going? Is it possible that he might feel differently in the morning? Please try not to let it get you down too much.

Darren

Posted 4/25/2008 11:05 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Darren,
He seemed fine till today .He is Bipolar(but in denial and hides from me)which is another story.He was very irritable,anxious and upset since afternoon,for minor stuff.We are human,i get depressed due to his mood swings,i was looking forward to it but he spoilt my mood too now and i don't feel like going alone .
Why he won't understand?i feel so lost and upset now.
Thanks for all your support and listening.

hugs
yana
Posted 4/25/2008 11:51 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Yana,

I wouldn't read too much into this as Darren was saying. Don't let it get you down. Maybe he just doesn't feel in the mood to be around a lot of people at the time, he may even change his mind.
But if you don't want to go alone, maybe a nice quiet evening at home together would be nice.
I wish you luck. Keep posting,
hugs, Karen
Posted 4/26/2008 12:05 AM (GMT 0)
Together ..i am afraid i am too sad to be with him.I wanted to go and enjoy and have a good time but he destroyed my happiness.

my bf sucks..i hate him now.
Posted 4/26/2008 12:25 AM (GMT 0)
He told you to go by yourself, can you do that? It might not be as fun without him, but you can still go and have a good time.

Now remember, one person cannot be responsible for another person's mood. He doesn't have to suck in your eyes. That is only if you think he sucks. And you don't have to think that if you don't want to. You can still be happy even if you don't go. So don't let his mood ruin your mood. It doesn't have to be that way if you don't want it to.

You know what I mean, don't you?

Luv and hugs, Karen
Posted 4/26/2008 10:06 AM (GMT 0)
I have some experience with Bi-Polar Disorder and I know that during manic episodes, people dont need reasons for doing things. Logic is not a fundemental requirement... rather an added bonus. I know that mania can manifest itself in many different ways but are you sure this is a manic episode rather than a depressive one? I am guessing that if your b/f is in denial about the BP then he is not receiving treatment? That could be a factor in this. I hope you were able to go on your own and had a good time.

Let us know


Darren

Posted 4/26/2008 11:33 AM (GMT 0)
Yana

My son is bipolar,and he would also go into tantrums and then an hour later he was fine.

I hope he realizes how lucky he is to have you,not alot of women would put up with that, you love him and understand.

Has he gotten on meds yet?
Posted 4/26/2008 2:15 PM (GMT 0)
MEDS ?grrrrr he won't even tell me about his MI ,so you know.The more understanding and loving i am for him the more he uses it to his advantage.Seems like never ending cycle.
I din't go alone but spent time alone at home and not together,if i went alone he fights more when i return as he tends to feel neglected and jealous,this has happened few times earlier so i m unsure how to deal with this.

I am feeling more depressed this morning by all this.Its affecting my health.Thx for listening and support.
Posted 4/26/2008 2:32 PM (GMT 0)
 Hi Yana,

It doesn't sound like the most healthy relationship right now.  Especially if he gets jealous when you go out.  I was wondering if that was the reason that you didn't want to go alone.  With his unhealthy moods, it sounds like it is really rough for you.  Maybe you need to sit down and talk about it with him.  Can you do that, or does he become defensive?

What is an MI?  Sorry I don't know. 

It sounds like he is really taking advantage of your good nature.  That isn't right.  You can only live with so much and it will get you much more depressed.  So I would take the health issue into consideration and really think about the relationship.  I am sorry he wont get help.  You can't help somebody that doesn't want it.  I know you love him, but seriously think about what it is doing to you.

Good luck, keep me posted.

hugs, Karen

Posted 4/26/2008 5:45 PM (GMT 0)
MI means mental illness,i can't seem to sit and have a talk with him (he gets defensive ),i feel very sad today and feel like harming myself(which i have never thought before)its scary....i need help!
Posted 4/26/2008 5:53 PM (GMT 0)

Yana,

Don't do anything to hurt yourself, you haven't done anything wrong.  Your boyfriend has a problem and you are just frustrated because he is being defensive. 

I am going to give you some numbers to call just in case, okay?

800 dontcut

708 366 9066

800 443 4673

Now if this gets to the point where you can't control your urges, call somebody or call one of these numbers.  Do you have access to a crisis center where you can talk to somebody?

I want you to see this so I am going to submit it, but I want to talk to you further.

hugs, Karen

Posted 4/26/2008 6:01 PM (GMT 0)

Yana,

I want you to know that you are a very special person.  I love the way you word things when you write, you are supportive of others, you are kind and compassionate.  You have all of the qualities of a wonderful person.  I think what is bothering you is like what use to bother me about my first husband.  There was no communication...

I would always want to talk things out and he didn't.  He would either get defensive or treat me like I was stupid.  He was also very posessive and jealous of me.  He was so bad that he made a line across our driveway so he could tell if anybody came in our yard.  He would check the star 69 on the phone as soon as he came home from work to see if anybody called me.  I got really frustrated and would hurt myself just to feel something.  Also it got me a result and I was in control.  So you don't need that.  We will help you.  But you have to take care of yourself, before you can know what to do about your bf.  Are you in any counseling?  It always helps to have an objective ear in these situations.

I want you to remember what you wrote about the forum and take your own advice.  Come to us, we are here for you right now.

Luv and hugs, Karen

Posted 4/26/2008 6:02 PM (GMT 0)
I am too chicken to try that karen,i am extremely miserable and sad.He fails to know what i am going through.i just hate him.I wish i din't love him .I feel like going far from his life where he can't find me ever which is again a bad thought.

thanks for your concern.
Posted 4/26/2008 6:08 PM (GMT 0)
Yana,

Do you feel like he abuses you mentally in any way? Is it the lack of communication that is bothering you? You seem awful upset about it and I haven't got a clue, other than that of him not wanting to go to the party. What else is there? Do you want to talk about it? I really feel like there is more to this than you are saying.

I am here to listen...

hugs, Karen
Posted 4/26/2008 9:34 PM (GMT 0)

It sounds like the communication problem is starting to get out of hand. Have you thought about sitting down with him and telling him that you know? It sounds like something is going to have to give soon. Have you also thought about discussing the consequences it has on you?

Posted 4/27/2008 12:09 PM (GMT 0)
Yana

I just want to tell you that in order to get better you have to change your environment.
Currently your situation is not a healthy one, it almost sounds like it could be a mental abuse situation,and that is not going to help you get better.

At some point,if he is not willing to get help,then you need to really think hard on the situation.

You deserve to be happy,and you can't help someone if they are not willing to help themselves.
Posted 4/27/2008 7:50 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Yana,

Just checking in on you.  Let us know how you are doing.

Hugs, Karen

Posted 4/28/2008 7:09 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Karen,
Thx a bunch for your concern and support.I am still feeling under the storm ,i am taking things slow.

Thx everyone for your thoughtfulness ,i am so grateful for your support and love for me here.

i would keep you all posted.

love ya
yana
Posted 4/29/2008 11:37 AM (GMT 0)
You are very welcome Yana

We are very concerned for you,so please keep us posted on how you are doing.
Posted 4/30/2008 5:40 PM (GMT 0)
I feel like going crazy ,its overwhelming !!i would drop by here many times for support.

hugs
yana
Posted 4/30/2008 6:57 PM (GMT 0)

Please remember Yana,

We are always here for you.  So don't hesitate to post when you feel the need.  We will support you in any way that  we can.

I am so sorry for what you are going through right now.  If you want to elaborate, feel free.  I will be around for a while.  I might step out, but I will check back.

Hugs, Karen

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