I have a dilemma

Hey,

Tennisdoc09: I read your response on unseen's post and i decided i shoul dprobably move this to my own tread to leave unseen with her's :) Thanks for all the great support. However, i'm still extremely hesitant on talking to one of my teachers/ counselors. I want to tell all of my teachers, because then they'll all know and they will.... "go easier on me?". I don;t know The letter sounds great but i don;t think i'll ever have the guts to do it. I tried to talk to my teachers on friday, but somehow i just couldn't find the right time to start talking. I WANTED to talk to them sooo badly, to let it all out, but in each class, another person would come in and i'd loose my chance. I just don't know how to get it all started. I WANT to tell somebody SOO badly!!! But i'm too stupid to do it. I hate myself because of that. Why can't i just DO IT? It's frustrating. I need someone to talk to so badly, and yet i don't get go get help...

Froggy

Ok, I understand completely. To be honest, when I was trying to tell someone, I thought I NEVER would. I didnt like the idea of a letter or anything. I was afraid to just come out and say it myself. I couldnt even say the words. But, then something really bad happened to me, so I wrote down what what I thought. I just went in and gave it to my counselor. It sounds hard, but it wasnt as bad as I made it out to be. And I dont want anything bad to happen to you... I know its hard. It is in the beginning. And relaxing isnt easy, I know. I thought I was so ready to tell her everything and I WANTED to so bad! I didnt though... And I wish I had when I had the chance.

You are NOT stupid. I totally understand what you are going through. Whether you think that honestly or not. I do. I had the very same thoughts and feelings. I had a few times where I would start to talk and then get interrupted. It made me angry... but, I also felt it saved me some too.. even though I really wanted to speak up. I know how frustrating it is. I hated myself also. I hated that I couldnt just say it. I didnt understand why it was so hard.

But, at the time, it is hard. It seems like a simple task, but it really isnt. Its a huge thing. And you CAN do it. You will find your way. My letter was just a way to start things off so that I didnt have to start the conversation! The letter was the easiest way for me. I am actually really glad I did it. I was in shock actually. I handed it to her and practically ran out of her office as fast as possible... and then I felt stupid for even doing it. BUT... IT WORKED. I didnt say anything to her for a while when I would go to her office. Just yes or no.... I was still in shock and freaked out.

But, everything was ok and I wish now that I had seen that then. Sometimes its hard to see things while you are in them. But, I know it will get better for you once you get help. You will see. You will find a way to talk to someone. I learned to be patient the hard way, so trust me when I say be patient with yourself. Dont try to push it. You will tell someone when the time is right. I know you want to very badly and it seems the time is right but, you will see when the time is really right. I did. And I am very proud of myself for telling someone. And my counselor is proud of me for telling her! Everyone was proud when I told! lol But, you are not a failure because you havent told anyone YET.

You will find the way. Dont be so hard on yourself. I know how you feel. Your post is probably almost identical to many of my posts! But, it gets better in time.... take care.