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In my darkest hours

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Posted 5/9/2008 3:14 PM (GMT 0)
" In my darkest hours, in my deepest despair, will you be there, will you still care...........................

I am in so much trouble and I cannot get out.  I am fighting my depression and it is overwhelming me and with  it the anxiety is joining the depression.

I feel like I have gone all the way back to step one. I have no friends and I am back to waking in the mornings and feeling like crying as I don't know what to do.  I sit here and post or hope someone will need me on the forum. 

I make plans and then back out as I cannot leave home and feel safe.  My anxiety kicks in at the thought of being stuck like this forever.

Is this all there is to me..................a retired lady sitting in a chair frozen in place. 

Thanks

Kitt

Posted 5/9/2008 3:48 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Kitt,

Please don't dispair. This will get better. I know these feelings, I cannot make plans to do anything, well, rather I avoid that. I never know how I am going to feel from one day to the next with this fibromyalgia and depression. I just hope that when I wake up the next day that I will feel halfway normal.

Try to remember that you are one of the more active people on this forum and you have helped many many members. You are like a ray of sunshine when you post. Everybody waits for your relplies because they are so kind and compassionate and most of all helpful.

Please realize that we are all here for you, and always will be. This goes to show that we are all human, members and moderators, and I am sure that this too will pass and you will be back to yourself in no time.

I will say a prayer for you and you are also in my thoughts. Keep your chin up. I spend a lot of time at the computer too and am not getting any younger. But we are as young as we feel. And by what you write, you have a lot of living to do. You are so special to all of us and we hate to see you down. But we all go there at times. So it is understandable.

Stay with us. We are here for you. Better days are to come.

Luv and hugs, Karen
Posted 5/9/2008 7:30 PM (GMT 0)
Kitt...

Rally round girlfriend..get away from that computer...take a look outside - howz the weather? howz the house looking? distraction from the awful stuff going on is the best medicine yeah eh?

Remember they are only thoughts..and the more we feed them with negative stuff - the bigger they get..how about writing a list of things you would like to do today..tick them off as you go...and remember it's not a competition and it doesn't matter if you only acheive one on the list today - tomorrow you may just challenge yourself a little further :-)

And 'yes' you get to kick my butt when I am getting low..ok tongue

Hugz

Maree

Posted 5/9/2008 8:25 PM (GMT 0)

Hey there my American Hunni,

I hate to think of you feeling so low. You have loads of friends here on HealingWell and I am sure you have friends around you in your state. I think jordaNzone is right... you need to get out of the house and stop being the retired lady frozen in one place. If you feel a lack of social contact maybe you could take up a new hobby. It could be something really easy like stamp collecting or it could be something more challenging like polo. Please keep your chin up... your a fantastic person and you help so many people here but its OK to ask for help yourself as well. We all support each other as a family would. Drop me an email if you feel lonely.

Your British Sweetheart.

Posted 5/10/2008 12:39 AM (GMT 0)

Dearest Kitt, I thought I was the only one who felt like this. Not that there aren't plenty of people here who are feeling low, but I usually can't identify with them because I'm older than most I think and retired and shouldn't I have my act together by now???

It was a beautiful day today and I made myself go for a walk.  This used to boost my spirits, but I actually came back feeling worse. It seems the sunshine and happy people I'd see only made me more aware I'm missing so much. In some ways the cloudy rainy days if they don't go on too long make me feel better.

I try to keep busy. I volunteer. And I do have faith. I try to think positively, but the reality is that things in my life are not positive. I know I'm blessed in so many ways and yet I feel empty.

Hope something unexpected and cheerful happens to both of us this weekend!

hugs...

Posted 5/10/2008 1:47 AM (GMT 0)
Make sure you poke into the crohns board Kitt :)
Posted 5/10/2008 10:41 AM (GMT 0)
Kitt

I am so sorry that you are going through this right now.
The big "D" seems to back off,and then it kicks our butt the next day.

All I can say to you is we are here for you,and will always be there.

You are such a great mod,and I for one would not know what to do if you were not here.

You stay strong as you are,and know that you have alot of people that love you and are thinking about you.
Posted 5/10/2008 4:18 PM (GMT 0)

Dear Friends,

Thank you and I have taken to heart all your wonderful words of caring and wisdom.

I know I continue to battle the depression as I just don't want it.  I have come to the decision that I don't have a choice, I am a person with depression and I will deal with it. I will give myself permission to have bad days and not beat myself up.

I have been looking into volunteering but I am going to  make sure it is something suited to me and give myself permission to try it.  If it works out great, if not, I will not start with the "stinkin thinkin"

And a hobby, I think I will choose travel and my first stop will be the UK as my Sweetie is there and I want to tell him thank you in person for his kindness.

Shy, you are the best and you have made such huge changes in your life yet you always say the right thing.

Korissa,  Thank you for you extension of friendship, I accept.  :-)

Karen, you are always here to help out and lift me up.  I feel like I know you well and feel comfortable sharing with you.  Thank you for helping in the A & P forum.  I had a lovely nap with my dog knowing you were online.

Maree, I am learning that you are a great mod and you speak straight from your heart.  Thank you my co-mod. 

FitzyK23, I stopped into CD as I have a special connection to that forum and thank you for reminding me.  I posted to a few as support is my forte and the treatments and all of the latest nutrition information is not something my hubby has had to deal with in a long time  but I do know how to support members with CD.

My goal for today is to remember that I do have friends, many of them right here and for that I thank you so very much.

Hugs

Kitt

Posted 5/10/2008 4:19 PM (GMT 0)
We just left you some hugs there and wanted to make sure you saw them.
Posted 5/10/2008 6:35 PM (GMT 0)
Kitt,

I just read your post.  Please dont be sad, you are such an inspiration to me in the times that I feel like you do right now.  You know that I can say I understand what you are going through because you know that statement is absolutely true!!

 

You too are strong and I need you and your compassion, always.  I wish I could be there for you, I think that you are an angel and that even angels have bad days.

 

I will pray for you my friend, I know it is hard, really, really hard but this too will pass.

 

((((((((((HUGS)))))))))

Posted 5/10/2008 8:37 PM (GMT 0)
((((((Kitt))))))

I remember that feeling, love. I hope some day it will only be a memory for you, too.
Posted 5/10/2008 9:19 PM (GMT 0)
Sending you smiles hope you feel better soon.... scool smurf tongue yeah :-) :-) :-) yeah tongue smurf scool :-) smurf yeah :-) tongue smurf scool :-) yeah :-) tongue smurf scool yeah :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)
Posted 5/10/2008 10:31 PM (GMT 0)
Kitt, I wish you all the very, very best in the future to come. Accepting your depression is a huge step to take, and I hope it will make you feel much better.

Take care!
Posted 5/11/2008 11:27 AM (GMT 0)
Kitt
You are the sweetest gal I know,and you have helped me so much with all of your wisdom.

You hang in there,and stay strong.

I want to see pics of you and Darren when you make it to the Uk!
Posted 5/11/2008 12:05 PM (GMT 0)
Kitt,

I hope that you are having a good day today. Always remember that we all love you and are here for you. You mean the world to us.

Luv and hugs, Karen
Posted 5/11/2008 4:23 PM (GMT 0)
Dear ma kitt,
I gave you a new name today.I hope you don't mind.I wasn't around here for much days ,now when i am back i read this thread,and i am concerned and worried about you .

I feel so sad why i wasn't around to talk or post here ,but i was out of town ,so din't log in .Tears roll down my cheeks and its painful to think when in dark time ,i wasn't around to hug my ma(mother figure).

YOU ARE THE SWEETEST PERSON OF HW FAMILY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU are loved by all of us ,so plz don't feel alone.

keep us posted and you are in my prayers.May God show you wisdom and peace.

You are so strong and supportive & i am so proud of you.

love you ma,
yana
Posted 5/11/2008 6:36 PM (GMT 0)

I am stunned, overwhelmed and very appreciative of everyone's beautiful posts.

I am doing better and today is Mother's Day so I am celebrating in my heart the good job I have done with my children.  They are the best.  I will always wonder what might have been if my one son had not died in the car crash but I am sure he would have been here today to see his Mom.

Navy.............Loved it, our artist extrodinaire.  You have great talent, quit your day job and just be the Smilie Lady.

I will surely take a picture of Darren and I, how did you know it was Darren, Shy?  LOL. I will be the lady next to him that looks  like she is truly robbing cradles.  How fun. We will have a spot of tea I hope.

faithfully4you, Thank you for the greetings...........that was so nice. 

I know there are many more messages that I have not specifically addressed but please know that you are truly lifting people up with your support and you are all a godsend.

Yana, a great daughter you are. yeah

Bushels of Hugs
Kitt

Posted 5/12/2008 4:03 AM (GMT 0)

Kitt,

Have I not been telling you that you have so many people who love you?  I hope you realize now that I didn't make that up.  You are loved very much and well respected on HealingWell.  You try to help others always.  Whenever someone needs coverage for their forum, you always offer to cover for them.

You are always sincere in your posts.  You don't quickly reply just to get the job done.  I can tell your answers come from the heart and your head, both working together.  Members can tell the difference.

You are one special lady and I love you!

Carla

Posted 5/12/2008 11:23 AM (GMT 0)
Lol Kitt
I am envious! That would be an awesome trip.

so glad that you are feeling better, one day at a time...
Posted 5/12/2008 5:30 PM (GMT 0)
Kitt,
I hope you are feeling better today. Depression is such a awful thing. We all count on you so much, it is no wonder you feel down, with us down so much lately.
Hopefully we will all be feeling great in a few months.
Lynne.
Posted 5/13/2008 5:09 AM (GMT 0)

OK everyone, time to put a smile on our faces.  Look in the mirror and smile at yourself, and then think how silly you look grinning at yourself and you will soon be laughing.

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.  ~Phyllis Diller

The world always looks brighter from behind a smile.  ~Author Unknown


Before you put on a frown, make absolutely sure there are no smiles available.  ~Jim Beggs

Smiling is infectious,
You can catch it like the flu.
Someone smiled at me today,
And I started smiling too.
~Author Unknown

 J J J J J


Posted 5/13/2008 8:42 AM (GMT 0)
Keep on smiling :) :)
Posted 5/13/2008 3:40 PM (GMT 0)

Good Morning Everyone..................... Again thank you.  Love you all.

"When you're smiling
The whole world smiles with you
When you're laughing
The sun comes shining thru"

Hugs,
Kitt

Post Edited (stkitt) : 5/13/2008 9:50:01 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 5/14/2008 8:11 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Kitt,

I am out and about today. Sure feels good to feel better. You are such an inspiration to all of us. You really help a lot of people. I am so happy that you are feeling better.

Luv and hugs, Karen
Posted 5/14/2008 8:15 PM (GMT 0)
Good to know you are smiling and spreading sunshine everywhere kitt.

KEEP SMILING !!!!!!!

yana yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) tongue tongue
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