Depressed, Need some people or someone to talk to

Hey..i just signed up and this is my first post...i need someone to talk to

Lets just type out a short story of why im depressed

First off all, Ive been depressed before. from bad relationships , abusement and other things

The other week i sent my best friend mel an email stating im angry at her for not telling me what was funny with my picture i had on msn.. I was sick of her shyness so i told her if she wouldnt tell me what was funny
So i ignored her and she said sorry along with a poem about 3 days later, Thus proving she didnt care i ignored her. So i sent her an email  saying i dont accept your apology and to take that poetic crap somewhere else..
( excuse me if this is long, i just hope ppl will actually read it ) Anyway

this is the email i sent her,
 
"""" """""""""""""""""all this started over that pic....

I knew something like this would happen, All the other things i get paranoid about aswell...

i knew im an ****** to people and a low life peice of crap coz this is what happens i **** up relationships that mean eveyrthing to me i really dont know why i said that im pissed off ...and really dont want to talk to you I DONT KNOW WHY .. you thought i was joking when i said i was getting pissed if you didnt tell me..and wat do u do " tehe VIEW IMAGE " :@@@@@

ppl are right i am an ******, I do have an attitude problem, I am a waste of space time and life..

I ****ing give up on trying to be nice """"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

She thought i was kidding, i get angry easy. so now i find it very awkward to talk to her, and im really depressed and feel like running away...ive already done self harm ( I Do that because it makes me feel better ) Not trying to be an attention seeker, Please take this seriously

And tonight she asks me why i get jealous, Because 3 other guys like her and so do i, But im her best friend and she dosnt tell me anything compared to what she tells them.

I want to be her friend but now i think ive screwed this realtionship up with her for good, and dont want to eat or talk to anyone all i do is sleep all day do you guys have any tips..even if we do be friends its gonna feel awkward after what ive told her and shes asked me

NO FLAMING- or abusement in this please. Seriouse posts only ( sigh i must sound like a kid )

Heej,

I am here, and you can talk to me anytime you want. The first thing I noticed is the anger that drips from your post. You sound angry at your friend, and angry at yourself. I think it will do you good to talk to someone professional, because the anger most come from somewhere, and they can help you with that. More than we can.

about your relationship with your friend, it seems like she, not you, controls your life. You feel bad because she tells others more than you, and you get angry when she won't tell you whats up with your picture. Letting the outside world control your emotions can be great when everything goes well, but can get bad once the world seems to turn against you. Try to seek comfort from within, because that is something that will always be there. Love will fade, friendships will break up, but deep within you will always be the same. So if you can be happy and comforted without needing others, you can always be happy.

Because in the end, you are, and you are not a waste of time and space unless you think so. The world outside is nothing more than what we make of it, and if you truly think you are a waste of time, others will reflect that vision.

But you should seek some counseling, I believe it can do you lots of good.

All the best, and keep talking if you want to!
Erik

I have to admit I don't know the prices, but in Holland, and I believe in most country's, you can get counseling no matter your financial status. Others on this forum will know more about this.

I can tell you how I personally got out of my depression without counseling, but I don't know if it will be helpful, since I don't consider myself an average person :).

I hope this helps,
Erik

Hi Jealousy,

I am so happy that Erik is a help to you. I agree with him, try to get some counseling. MOst likely everybody here is going through counseling and it really helps. I go once a month now. It keeps me stable.

Good luck, glad that you posted.

Hugs, Karen...

WELCOME,
i just joined as well so i guess we are both new members. i can relate to how angry you feel. im not a counsellor and i don't really know a lot...but i'd like to help if i can. from my experience my anger is just a second emotion to sadness, insecurity, and loneliness and i notice that when i get overwhealmed and angry i push people away because i don't want to be hurt by them. i think you should really talk to your best friend... you can just say how you feel and she would be wrong to critisize your feelings.. just make sure you don't blame her. i know what it feels like to be so angry at the world and everything.. and i also really know wanting to run away and self harm.. i just hope that it all works out for you because you should deserve to feel like you are worthless. i'm sure your friend really cares a lot about you and she should try to understand.. it will help you to be open to her.

im sorry im not much help. if you want to talk more i'm often on the chatroom.
i hope it all works well.

Its good your talking about your anger, i have an apppt for my slef with counsling on the 12th. My kids will come later.

Mine mainly is slf esteem and depression, but if i dig deep enogh there is anger too. Its rreal hard to talk about sometimes, so keep on posting, it helps you feel better, its helps me.  My best freind of about 5 yrs is avoiding me and we were very close, and frankly I am angry with her. Both our daughters have autism, thats what brought us together. Now her child is having seizures, mine is not, he child is an 8 yr genius. Im not joking sheis in the top 10 of the world on her IQ. But with every seizure she loses slef help skills and even acedemic, right now she will be going in to the 3rd grade, they have to take out of class to teach her highschool work, or she be bored to death.

Im having a hard time dealing with why she is  obvisously avoiding me, it really hhurts.

My husband has moved downstairs, I am angry at him for that. Instead helping me he retreats. my kids dont help me for nothing. I have health issues that prevent from doing heavy duty work. I can do the basics, but I often wonder why becuz the kids will just trssh it up in 2 seconds, they are 13.5 and the youngest almost 9 even with autism she can help. so I am angry at them. angry at my slef for letting my weight get so high, i was very sick and lost 40 pounds and looked great, now my stomach problems are getting better( I hope), and i put 50 back on, this is real bad for me. I am glad I have an oulet her at healing well. al these things I have to tell my therapist on the 12th, and when the kids come see him, get some of their issues unfolded.  My husband wont see anyone nor take any meds excetp for his high blood pressure and cholestrol. he has anger probalems too. But i cant get him to see anyone, i may talk to our pastor.  That may be a place to look a ot of churches offer counseling for a low fee.

Sorry I talked so much about my problems, just got carried away.

Good luck to you and i hope you are able to get therapy and get your relationships back on track.  i know thats what Im trying to do.

Most of keep posting, dont keep yourself out of touch,you have to know here if no where else is a place to come, where no one judges you, we just listen ,maybe offer advice, and share our stories too.

Good luck, my prayers our with you.....