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Please help---is this depression and how it works?

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Depression
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Posted 10/4/2008 8:50 PM (GMT 0)
My husband has been diagnosed with severe depression. He is presently (for the last 2 weeks) starting on a new med (bupropion SR) and weaning off one that did not seem to do much for him for the last 3 months (cymbalta). One day he seems to be pretty ok---somewhat involved, wants to play a game of cards, take a walk, etc---but the next day he is quiet, aloof, just wants to lay all day and no talking. One night he sleeps fine, the next barey at all. Is this the way it works???

He is still not back at work---since May and the stress of his job seems to have brought on the episode of depression to begin with. He has a high level management job. If I or the psychiatrist or anyone tries to speak to him about his job he will just stop talking. I just do not know what to do. The doctor says he needs to get back to his job. I am beginning to wonder if this is about depression at all or is it a mid-life crisis or a breakdown or job burnout. Is there a difference? He says (when he says anything about it at all) that he is skill-less and just wants to resign. He is scheduled to go back to work( he had 2 false starts where his boss said he was not ready) in 1 and 1/2 weeks (med leave about to run out). Will any medicince help his attitude? I have been waiting and waiting. Some days he seems so much better in many ways and then the next day seems like nothing at all has changed. Do I push him to try to talk about going back to work or do I just wait?

Has anyone else been through this horrible vortex?? I am so scared and lonely I feel at times that I just can't breathe.
Thanks for listening. Any insight appreciated so much.

Debbie
Posted 10/4/2008 10:25 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Debbie,

What your husband is going through, is normal for depression. The withdrawal, the sleep disturbances. He is definately depressed.

The medication will take about four to six weeks before it is fully working. So patience is what you need right now. Try to take this one day at a time. Depression takes time.

He could be burnt out on his job and maybe that is what caused his depression. Or maybe he was under a lot of stress at work. Either way this is something you need to take one day at a time. And I would recommend counseling for you for support.

We are not professionals, but we can give you support and share some of our experiences with you. Hopefully we can help you along.

Keep posting,
hugs, Karen
Posted 10/5/2008 4:49 AM (GMT 0)
I've lived with depression for most of my life and it varies in it's severity. Some days I'll be feeling fairly ok, and other days all I want to do is sleep because I don't want to deal with anything.

I know that trying to deal with the meds is horrible. Everyone responds to medications differently and they take so long to find out if they are even going to help at all. I've been on more meds than I can even remember and at a certain point I just decided that I wasn't going to put up with it anymore. None of them helped me and a lot of them made things worse with side effects. I've been med free for probably over a year now and I can say that I'm not functioning any better or worse than I was when I was on the meds. I'm not trying to scare you, but you have to be prepared for the possibility that after a long period of trial and error, you might find that no medication will work for your husband.

There are of course other options, herbal remedies and biofeedback. I really wish I could try biofeedback as it seems like something that might actually be able to help me, but my stupid insurance won't cover it.
Posted 10/5/2008 5:11 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Debbie,

If you have depressiion and you get job burn-out it could bring out your depression and fears etc.  I had job burn out and I had no idea what triggered my huge crash and burn but I do know I would be in tears driving to work and I loved my job.

Perhaps he would be better off looking at a different position in the same company he is working in.  The High Level Management may have stressed him out.  I was in a similiar position and I know I felt like a loser as I took early retirement.

Try to communicate with him re his current position and see if he is open to stepping out of management and taking a job with less stress.  Sometimes the decrease in income is worth it if you can get back into the world.

Keep talking to us.

Kitt

Posted 10/5/2008 6:49 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks Kitt for your response. It seems to me that you are on a parallel journey as my husband and I and I so appreciate your insight. It seems we don't know what happenned to cause this episode either. He never seemed depressed before or at least depressed to a life altering phase and we are in our early fifties. May I ask how long you were in the "crash and burn" phase? My husband has little medical leave left and I am not sure what is going to happen. I hope I could talk him into taking a less stessful job, but it seems that now he would consider that a negative too. It doesn't matter to me if he takes a less paying job as long as he considers himself productive again and willing to live each day the best he can.

I certainly hope that his new meds help him and he can change his attitude to "I will try" instead of "I just can't".

Thanks so
Debbie
Posted 10/5/2008 7:18 PM (GMT 0)

Debbie,

I started to feel uneasy and afraid in November of that year.  I knew I was stressing at work but I had worked for the same Hospital for 26 years.  One day in November I had a melt down in my office and one of my friends came to my office and then went and got my boss who drove me home.  I was crying and just felt so afraid as I did not know what was happening.  I was alway a A A personality and this was not me. It was one of the lowest days in my life, to have my boss drive me home and my husband come out and help me into the house.

I did take a couple of days off and then went back to work.  I lived hour to hour and could not stop the tears. I cried on the way to work and then put on my magic mask and would have mini breakdowns in my office. I was just so afraid and sad at work.

I had seen my PCP several times and he finally said I needed to see the Pdoc and he walked me over to her office.  Well we started on the road to finding a new med regime that would work.  I made it through the holidays and into January without relief of the sadness and low self esteem.  Finally I talked to my hubbie about taking early retirement and he said yes do quit work as he was ready to tear his hair out. Duh, no one mentioned my disability, they accepted my resignation and my head was such a mess I did not think of it.  To late now. 

My next adventure was starting therapy, it took me 2 tries to find the one I worked best with.  After nine months I was beginning to feel stronger.

I wish someone would have talked to me about taking a job out of management so I could have continued to work or even work part time but I was just cut off from who I was so fast that I really felt I lost myself.  I still feel that way at times but it is in the past now.

So it was nearly a year to the point I felt strong enough to get back in the swing but I never did get my old self back.  I guess I was just a new person that had to start from scratch.

This site has become a haven for me.  Everyone is so caring and wonderful.

I hope your husband has long term disability and that he can find a position he likes with low stress and he will enjoy going to work.

Bless you for caring enough to look into all options for him.  My hubbie was wonderful but he was befuddled. rolleyes He would get mad at the Doctors especially with the many med changes.

Keep talking to us.

Gentle Hugs

Kitt

Posted 10/6/2008 7:59 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks so much Kitt for your help. My husband goes back to work next week. We had an appointment with his Pdoc today to see how things were going. I mentioned that things were better with the new phasing in of new meds, but not when work is brought up. I told him husband still feels skill-less and justs wants to resign. Doc said he is going to call employer and explain the importance of modulating back to work and not expecting husband to be at 100% on day one back. Husband was not happy with me in telling this to the doc. I hope I did the right thing by telling the doc that things were better overall, but not in the talking about work department. I truly believe that the stress of his job was what brought him to his knees in the first place.

Oh how I wish things would move along faster. I just don't know if I can outlast it all.

Thanks for listening
Debbie
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