AAARRRGGGGHHHHH!

I am so confused I don't even know how I can put this in an order that people will be able to understand! I think my relationship might be about to end.  I have been seeing my boyfriend for 18 months now & it has been a bit of a rollercoaster but I am head over heels in love with him I really am, so for the last couple of months things have improved tho at times we still seem to be completely incompatible.

Anyway we were on holiday about 2 weeks ago & I said to him jokingly when we were talking about our different interests "i guess we are incompatible really!" I was joking, but he said he knew we were and that we needed to talk about it.  So we had a little talk about how neither of us were really making each other happy, but said we'd have a proper talk when we got home.  Anyway since then things have deteriorated to the point where we are bickering over the smallest, stupidest of things & where I feel like he is constantly irritated with me.

It is tiring me out so so much. I am sick of crying & being upset & arguing or defending myself all the time. Generally tho, he is such a lovely guy & makes me really happy - but there is always a doubt in my mind if it can really work.

So tonight we are going to talk, I have a lot to say about different things & I am sure he has too, but basically the real dilemma here is that my heart is telling me that I am passionately head over heels in love with this guy, that I want to spend the rest of my life with him & my head is telling me to walk away. I feel that I can't live without him - but I can't live with him either!  I think he feels the same about me!

I am crying now even just writing this - coz the thought of leaving him or him leaving me is so hard ( & i'm at work!!! Good job I have my own office to hide in, lol) I just don't know what the future is anymore & i feel scared and lost!!

Li

Thanks for your reply ManonFire,

I think your right to some extent. I think he does feel irritated by me, because once I get something in to my head I can be very irritating I guess! But I do think he genuinely loves me & does want to make the relationship work.

I think I do need to give him a bit of space & time tho. I have just spoken to him & we were meant to talk tonight, but he has to work late so we are going to leave it until the weekend & relax tonight instead.

I do sometimes think that it isn't the right relationship for me, and I feel ashamed to admit it tho, but I honestly think that if we did split up I don't know what I would do. I feel that I would fall to pieces!! and I've never thought that before, when I've split up with other guys I've been kind of indifferent, but this time I think I would be devestated!! and I don't like to think of myself as the sort of person who would go to pieces over a guy!

Confusedli,

I think that when the time comes and the two of you talk, things will work out for the best. I, myself, can't picture you two breaking up. But that is something only time will tell. Whatever happens, I wish you the best and I know that you will survive. You are a really strong person, who is loving and kind. You will be fine.

Manonfire,

Welcome to the depression forum. I am glad that you have stopped in to join us and look forward to more of your posts. If you haven't already, check out the introduction thread. Tell us a little about yourself. Or whenever you feel like, start one of your own. Either way, we are here for you.

Hugs, Karen

Don't know if this will help but I'll tell you what's worked for me for 35 years of marriage.

-Love wants what is best for the Beloved.

-Marriage and relationships are like a team of horses. Sometimes one does more work than the other but you need to try to keep in step or you will go off course. This requires cooperation and isn't learned overnight.

-Anything worth having is worth fighting for so learn to fight fair. Example:
(wrong way) "You always stop after work and have a drink with the guys/gals! You don't call, you just do what you want."
(say what you really mean)" I look forward to seeing you at the end of the day. When you don't show up, first I'm disappointed, then I feel forgotten and abandoned. When I don't hear from you I feel ignored, then I'm afraid that maybe you have been in an accident and are dead in the ditch somewhere."

"Do you really want me to feel disappointed, forgotten, abandoned, ignored and afraid? I know these are my feelings and you are not responsible for my feelings, but it's difficult to make them positive when I'm feeling sad already about us."

Don't be surprised if he is shocked at your feelings. He may have no clue as to how you feel because you may have been using the wrong communication style. He may also tell you how he feels, such as:

"When I have to report in to you after work it makes me feel like a little kid, calling home for permission to relax." or something to that effect. If you explain your feelings you will make more headway than if you try to keep score about who is right or wrong. Hope this helps.

Hi Confused,

Great advice.  These members are awesome.

How about if you take a break from each other for a bit,  you both need space and it might give you insite as to how you really feel about him.  Is it being alone that scares you or is it being without him?

My 2 cents this morning...Judge with your mind, not your heart and Remember the good times but don't forget the not so  good.

My wish for you is peace.

Gentle Hugs

Kitt