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Posted 11/15/2008 3:06 AM (GMT 0)
i am off my meds today, starting on remeron tomorrow, and im feeling low.

- no one will love me and want me as a partner

- i will be alone

- i will be depressed forever

- i will never find happiness

i know these thoughts are faulty but that's what im feeling. im really lonely.

i'm singing this song in my head and it makes me want to cry.. im hoping that its true. cry

Somewhere out there beneath the pale moonlight
Someone's thinking of me and loving me tonight

Somewhere out there someone's saying a prayer
That we'll find one another in that big somewhere out there

And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star

And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky

Somewhere out there if love can see us through
Then we'll be together somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true

And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star

And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky

Somewhere out there if love can see us through
Then we'll be together somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true

Posted 11/15/2008 11:24 AM (GMT 0)
Eej Eli,

I know the thoughts you are having all to well. Yet, how bad they might seem, you can turn them into something positive. Use the thoughts and the feelings you have to make you aware of the state you are in. I used to think (and still do sometimes), that no one will ever love me. While thinking that, it wasn't the others that didn't love me, it was me not loving me. Whenever in that mood, I became solitary, sad etc. I never sought others to share my grief with, or just to be with. However, when I did felt good about myself, there were a lot of people that liked me, and some that even loved me.

There is your outside and your inside. While you can take care of your outside, you can in fact totally change your inside. And the people that will give you most joy will be the ones that will look how you are within, rather than outside. The outside will change, will fade away, and people relying on that to love you can stop caring for you because of something inevitable. At least, that is my opinion on it. And it works so far.

I suggest you try to love yourself. Yes, it just might be the hardest thing to do for the depressed, yet practice makes perfect. The first step in loving yourself is accepting yourself, which is kind of a big step too. I just take it bit by bit myself. For my body, I say for instance "Do I accept my left big toe?", and so on. When I encounter something I don't accept, I will split it into smaller parts until I accept all the small parts, and thus the bigger part as well. Or if I just can't seem to accept it, I will ask myself the question whether it can be changed into something I do accept. If yes, I will do my best to change it, if no, there is no reason to feel bad about it because there is nothing you can do about it. I haven't found anything I don't accept up to this date.

Some goes for the inside, though that was easier to me. I am who I am, and for no money I would change into someone else. Just being aware of this makes me feel good about myself, maybe that it will help for you too.

Take care Eli, and remember to keep talking to us whenever there is something on your mind!
Erik
Posted 11/15/2008 3:57 PM (GMT 0)
Eli,

You are a wonderful, sweet person. Realize that about yourself. We can't judge ourselves by others reactions to us. We have to accept ourselves for who we are. And learn to love ourselves no mattaer what. There may be things that you might not like about yourself that others love about you. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. And when we are depressed, we are blind to the good things about ourselves. We look different in the mirror. We see ourselves in a negative way. But once you accept yourself for who you are, the true you sill start to show. And I have a feeling you will like that person.

Best wishes in finding yourself and for a lovely day.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 11/16/2008 1:33 AM (GMT 0)
Heej Eli,

As Karen said, when we are feeling and thinking negative, we tend to only see the negative sides. When I was on the bike home just a few minutes ago, I felt that sudden surge of sadness you feel when you think no one will ever want to share their life with you. I am 18 and never had a gf. But on the bike, and every time I get that feeling of loneliness, I try to think of the positive sides as well. Being on my own for such a long time made me think about it, made me realize the true value and meaning of love. I guess I would have done stupid things if I got a gf when I was 15. I just think that those things will happen once I am ready for them, and I am ready once they stop saddening me. This alone would provide little comfort, so I also try to imagine how awesome it would be when I do get a partner. Every second without one now will make it even brighter when I do find someone.

I don't know whether what I just wrote made any sense, but please to see things from a positive side as well. You are a wonderful and compassionate person Eli, and please cherish those amazing attributes. Others will see them as well, and they will love for it. I promise.
Posted 11/16/2008 1:47 AM (GMT 0)

Hi Eli and Erik,  We all want to have someone in our lives that we care about and who cares for us.  One thing I have realized over the years and with relationships is that looking too hard for someone can be futile.  We are not at our best when we put ourselves in a needy position.  The time that you will find someone in your life to share your love and experiences is when you least expect it.  So what I am saying is don't be looking too hard.  Because you never know when that special someone will enter your life.  And Erik, my dear little nephew, you are young and have so much schooling ahead of you.  You are so intelligent, I can't imagine a lovely girl not being attracted to you.  Give it time while you are doing all that studying.  And Eli, you are also a very intelligent and compassionate person.  Your time will come, I am sure of it. You have a lot to offer someone special. And do keep me posted on when you start your med as it is the same as mine and I have done so well on it.  Well, I guess that's enough preaching from your ole mother hen!

Take care & lots of hugs,

Aurora

Posted 11/16/2008 2:26 AM (GMT 0)

Dear Eli,

Let's turn these around...OK?

no one will love me and want me as a partner.

I will find my love someday
I'll know it the moment we meet

- i will be alone

 I' ll never be alone again, That you love me, makes me strong ...

- i will be depressed forever

See I was on the verge of breaking down
Sometimes silence, can seem so loud
There are miracles in life I must achieve
But first I know it starts inside of me

I believe I can fly

- i will never find happiness

When you're feeling lost inside,
let my
true love be your guide. True, true happiness will follow if you'll
only follow me.

Bless you and remember Believe. 

 

Gentle Hugs

Kitt 


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