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Posted 1/13/2009 3:09 PM (GMT 0)
Good morning everybody,

We are having a snowstorm.  A really bad one.  I am so sick of snow that I just don't know what to do.  Other than stay inside.

I was thinking about my childhood.  I know a lot of you would like to forget yours.  But is there anything that influenced you in your childhood that effects you now? 

I had a psychotic mother, she was very controlling and had a lot of mental issues.  She effected my self esteem and it took me years to get through that.  I use to worry about her to the point that even after she died, I would have dreams about worrying about her.  I still struggle with this in a way, but am getting better in my old age.

What is your story??

Hugs Karen

Posted 1/13/2009 3:20 PM (GMT 0)
The thing that influenced my step-father tried to molest me.... So that changed my childhood for ever....And I got over it when he died!!!!!


Dawn turn yeah
Posted 1/13/2009 3:39 PM (GMT 0)
Dawn,

I am so sorry that this has happened to you. I am glad that you have recovered and are doing better. Keep up the good work and keep posting. I hope that this topic isn't troubling to anybody.

If you ever need to talk, my email is always open.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 1/13/2009 3:41 PM (GMT 0)

My mother was very abusive both physically and emotionally.  My sisters got the worst of it.  My oldest sister was a handful, probably hdad.  My mother used to lock her in a basement closet in the dark for hours.  She was never able to sleep unless she had a light on.  I got the least the abuse as I became the good child. Always did everything right and got excellent grades.  I never gave her a reason to go after me.  My father was a very busy surgeon so I don't think he was aware of how bad it was.  The thing that hurt me the most was one time my mother was mad at my grandma who lived with us.  She came up behind her and slapped her on the back so hard it took her breath away.  My poor grandma just sobbed.  I still cry to this day thinking about it because my grandma was my saviour growing up and was so good to me. And after my sister died I took my mother into my house and took care of her for 10 yrs.  I did it because it meant being able to stay in my house and keep my sons in their same schools.  My mother treated me badly even though I cared for her while she was so ill.  But it is in the past and that is where it needs to stay.

Aurora

Posted 1/13/2009 3:46 PM (GMT 0)
Aurora,

I am so sorry. I remember my mother beating up my grandmother too. It was horrible. I just hope that I haven't stirred up too much emotions with this topic.

Hoping that you have a great day.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 1/13/2009 4:26 PM (GMT 0)
What has impacted me as a child - I hate to speak ill of my Dad now that he is dead but I feel these things have impacted me. When I was small -probably 4,5,6, he used to go out & leave me at home alone when my mum was at work. I don't think he did it maliciously I really don't, he just used to forget that I was there. I used to be so scared.
Posted 1/13/2009 4:28 PM (GMT 0)
The thing that has influenced me the most is my dads alcohol abuse and the mental abuse he dishes out after hes had just one mouthful of wine. Theres too sides to him. My sister is getting married in the summer and mum and i are already having anxiety attacks over it, because you can guarantee he is going to humilate us all and probably fall asleep before he is meant to make his speach. When i was at school i was never aloud to go out with my friends and after a while they gave up asking and thought i didnt want to know them. When i asked him why all he would say why is because i said so. Consquently i dont have many friends now and in general feel pretty lonely..until i found hw.
Posted 1/13/2009 5:05 PM (GMT 0)

My defining moment was the day my birth Mother died in a car accident when I was 18 months old.  I lived with my Dad and Grandmother until I was 5 years old and my Dad married my stepmother...............from there on my life became difficult but not nearly as bad as many of the members on HW.

I know I cannot live in the past but it does creep up on you  when you wonder how things may have been better or maybe not better.  I will never know.

Bless each of you.

Hugs

Kitt

Karen, I am off to orientation now................Hugs to you for holding down the fort.

Posted 1/13/2009 6:10 PM (GMT 0)
I am so sorry to hear what happened to all of you :-(. I simply can't imagine what impact such things would have on your life.

My main goal in life is really to get back to that sense of wonder, enthusiasm, and joy I had in my early youth. Climbing in trees and running around while the sun was shining, not worrying about a thing.

I hope you can all forgive the offenders one day...
Posted 1/13/2009 7:14 PM (GMT 0)
lately, I have been thinking about the good things of my youth like that Erik. It is cool. I try to remember that good feeling that I had when I was young. It is really enlightening.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 1/13/2009 8:41 PM (GMT 0)

I too have been thinking about the good things in my life. Christmas was always wonderful when I was a child.  My grandparents lived with us and that was a great comfort.  I was lucky in the respect that I had many advantages - nice clothing, a beautiful home on Lake Michigan with our own private beach, very wonderful vacations to Europe and the Caribbean, dinners out at fancy restaurants, college all paid for.  So I have to say there were good things in my life.  Unfortunately it doesn't take away the pain of being slapped and abused and told I was stupid.  Forget that I was a Dean's list student and always had the best grades. I have worked very hard with my therapist on overcoming this past.  I do admit that I miss my family very much now that I am older and only have my sons. And of course I no longer have any of those things I had as a child.  I struggle very hard to stay afloat with bills just like everyone else.  But I am learning to put the past behind and know that I have raised my sons with love and compassion and understanding. And having good friends like all of you here is more important than any material posession. As Erik says acceptance is the key.

Aurora

Posted 1/13/2009 9:52 PM (GMT 0)
My childhood was generaly good , my parents were very kind and loving, but my problem started when I was 10, I was told I looked like a girl, and since then boys at school would make fun of me and abuse me , my best friend tried touching me in sensative places, I didn't understand what he was doing at the time. sometimes kids from school would follow me in groups while I am trying to walk to my home making jokes, most of the time I wasn't aware what is happening because I was still a pre-teen. even after I learned about sex, I didn't understand what these male kids wanted from me, I didn't understand that they felt attracted to me, These things continued untill I left high-school. male kids would come up to me and try to convinve me to have sex with them, I never did thank god. university was much better, I grew my mustache and beard and started looking more like a man, I was releived.


But what happened to me, still affects me today, it seems.. I try to forget it and leave it in the past but sometimes I can't
Posted 1/13/2009 10:46 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Akram,

I am sorry for what you endured when you were a kid. That must have been so hard. I am glad that it doesn't effect you that much now. It sounds like you have figured life out and realize that children can be cruel. But it doesn't dictate who you are. I think that came out right.

I hope that you are having a good evening.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 1/13/2009 10:48 PM (GMT 0)

I had a pleasant, 'normal' childhood. loving family etc. all good. however i got Panic Disorder at 10yrs of age and my very first attack was extremely traumatic. mental illness runs in one side of the family, there is a clear and decisive link, but im the only grandkid that got emotionally ill. the chemical imbalance got just me, and im grateful cos id hate to see my sister or cousins go through what i have been through, if that makes sense. i feel that i was robbed of some of the joy of childhood, as i lived in a constant state of confusion and fear- im no longer bitter about this, but it does make me sad. at the same time, im blessed with an amazing network of people who help me when i struggle. ive also battled alot of grief.

Maz XX

Posted 1/13/2009 11:55 PM (GMT 0)
thanks karen, this means a lot comming from you.. your thread made me want to speak out and remember some stuff from my past, and it's true I'v goten over it, I know I haven't done anything wrong to upset GOD, so I'm ok
Posted 1/14/2009 7:54 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Akram,

I am happy that this has helped you.

You are a special person and didn't deserve to be treated in the way that you were. Remember that you were a youngster then and Children can be cruel. They don't really think about how they are making somebody else feel. I am glad that is in the past and that you have moved on.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 1/15/2009 4:36 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Akram,

I am so sorry what you went through and I know the things we go through in our early years set our core values.  So please look back now and know you had a right to be afraid and feel confused.  What happened to you was setting you up for belieiving you were different and something was wrong with you.  Now look back and tell yourself that was so wrong, you were normal and the kids around you were in the wrong.  You are a good and kind person. 

Remember when you start to have sad thoughts about the past to pull your thoughts back to the present as this is the moment you are in right now................it is your moment and live it well.

Gentle Hugs
Kitt

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