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Posted 1/31/2009 12:13 AM (GMT 0)
Hey all,

This is my first post, i'm pretty much desperate for any advice or help right now.

I've had depression for a while now and i pretty much cope 95% of the time, however there has been one constant issue that i've had since i first was diagnosed. Ive worked my way through my depression to become a positive, realistic and appreciative person and have fought my way through my negative feelings but i have a really hard time with socialising. I used to be a huge social person and was in on anything. All of a sudden, going out takes so much energy and i always end up feeling lonely, even when the people i'm with are my best friends.

I feel alone and scared, i count the minutes until i can go home. I hate feeling this way but i have also accepted this is the way i feel at the moment. I can't deny those feelings but i just have no idea why i just simply can't go out and enjoy myself. I just want to shut myself inside but i get so lonely.

If anyone has any suggestions, i would greatly appreciate it. Thanks ;)
Posted 1/31/2009 12:37 AM (GMT 0)

Bonnie,

Hello and Welcome to HealingWell.

I know exactly how you feel out in a social situation.

Temporary fluctuations in our self confidence are common, they happen to most of us. Try self talk, tell yourself you are fine. Tell yourself you can go to the party or what ever event you are fearing and that you will be ok. When you begin to feel bad, such as being at a party with a whole lot of people you don't know, stop the "stinkin thinkin" and take a deep breath. Tell your self you are ok, many of the people at the party maybe feel the same way you do.

Take a break and step outside for a bit of fresh aid an remember you are every bit as bright, witty and intelligent as the rest of the party guests.

You can do this, I have great faith that you have come so far that a few more steps will get you to where you want to be.
Again a Warm Welcome to you.

Gentle Hugs

Kitt

Posted 1/31/2009 12:40 AM (GMT 0)
I too used to be very sociable before my life changed drastically when I was diagnosed with everything that I have. Now, I am like you- I have been to parties where I feel like I am about to cry from loneliness when there are a hundred people around me. I now even have panic attacks when I try to go into Wal-Mart by myself for God's sake. I know that there are a bunch of meds that are prescribed for depression and social anxiety disorder, have you ever been to a psych doc before?
Posted 1/31/2009 12:48 AM (GMT 0)
I was also extremely social before I became depressed/anxious but as it came at a young age for me I was still in the early years of high school and I was too embarrassed to tell any of my friends but in the last year I was there I actually pushed them away I think. I ended up leaving school and now all the friends I used to have are all at uni and all have new friends and have moved on with their lives. I used to be extremely active also which stopped, I must of played sports 5+ days a week and went out with friends every weekend so it was a drastic change for me. I think leaving school was the worst decision I have ever made and I wish I didn't because it really did change everything even if I was really struggling at the time. I was only 14 and I just couldnt handle it anymore, I wish my parents/advisors would of forced me to stay and just help me through it instead of pulling me out because now i'm so socially inept it frustrates me!

As for suggestions I wish I could help you!
Posted 1/31/2009 3:00 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Miss Bonnie,

Welcome to HealingWell. I think that you will find that you will be happy that you decided to join us. There are a wonderful group of people here. You will soon find that out.

I think that we all become somewhat of a recluse when we become depressed. And it seems that being around other people stresses us out sometimes. Therefore we distance ourselves even more because it becomes easier. After a while, people do go on with their lives without us. But that is when we have to make our own lives, do our own things and eventually meet new people. Doing it slowly as not to get too anxious. Go at your own pace. Gradually meet others and learn to trust and eventually open up again.

You all can do this, I know.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 1/31/2009 5:22 AM (GMT 0)
Hey again,

Thankyou to everyone for your support and kind words.

I definitely feel that taking my time and going my own pace is the right idea. I just need to do whatever makes me happy.

One of the biggest problems is my friends consist of a large group of people and i really love them all. However, my ex has really made a positive impact on the group and our breakup was what led to my depression. I am over him and it's in the past but our relationship was so messed up that it took me two years to rebuild myself. So whenever we go out, he's there. I do realise the simple solution is to leave the friendships, look after myself and get some new friends. But we have all been friends for a long long time so my ex and i feel that it's not fair on either of us to force the other to leave, we just need to move on and accept the other is there.

The main issue is that he's made a massive positive change for the better, has grown and really become happy with who he is. I on the other hand feel like the same person i always was. I feel like a loser, socially retarded person who has no life and no friends. I hate comparing myself with other people but i find it's happening alot with him. Anyone else been in the same boat?
Posted 1/31/2009 10:56 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Missbonnieblu

I can relate to what you are going through as I to suffer in social situations and find this hard as all I want to do is go out and enjoy myself without the feelings of anxiety and depression. Kitt has given you some excellent advice. I hope things start to improve for you and we are behind you all the way and here if you need some support. Welcome to healingwell keep posting.

Ben
Posted 1/31/2009 12:40 PM (GMT 0)
I think though it is going to be hard at first to be around your ex and feel comfortable, practice with this will make it easier. You are just as important to your friends as he is and remember that. It is up to you though what it is that you chose to do.

Best wishes for a wonderful day.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 2/3/2009 2:53 AM (GMT 0)
Wow! I could have wrote your post. I feel everything you feel. I don't leave the house except for work, the grocery store and blockbuster. When I am somewhere I immediately want to leave. But I've always been way better at giving advice than following my own so, here goes nothing.

1. You mention "he's made a massive positive change for the better, has grown and really become happy with who he is." Why don't you do something on your own to make YOU feel better. Take up yoga, go get a make-over at the department store counter, see a new hair stylist and ask for a new look.

2. Do get a couple friends of your own and practice your social skills with them in this safe, no ex environment. I bet you start feeling comfortable socializing without him -- then do some things with your mutual friends when you are feeling a little more secure about it again.

You obviously have a wonderful heart with so much to offer and share. Don't deprive others of that. Slow and steady, one step at a time, you'll get there.

Positive thoughts.
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