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Kitt Needs Help..................please.

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Depression
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Posted 2/17/2009 6:16 PM (GMT 0)
Dear Friends, Karen and els,

My sister is finally having her cancer surgery on Thursday.  It has been a long haul since she first arrived in MN on August 13th but Thursday is the day.  She is having the radical mastectomy and ovarian cancer surgery.

As her only sibling I am feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders right now and fighting my anxiety and depression.

Her children will be here, 2 of them but they fight and don't get along...............

I have been "told" what is expected of me which basically turns out  I will be expected to be at the hospital 24/7 so my sister never has to be alone.............. I have no idea on how to get around this without causing more family feud and I do not want to be in a family fight over why I must be the one. I am grateful to each of you who have prayed for us and who have sent cards to my sister...........Gem's she got your card and was thrilled as well as Meg's. :-)

So if I am offline, I would appreciate it if some of you might check in on the GERD Forum.

 
I am also weaning off my Antidepressant but holding right now until this surgery is over and my sister is hopefully on her way to a full recovery.

Yes I am staying in the moment but I am struggling.

I am in tears a lot lately as the depression is trying to sneak back in so I am really fighting to push it back.  I am also anxious not knowing when I have to be where and how I am going to sleep or survive 4-5 days in a hospital with no break. 

I am not in a good place and feeling very alone right now..........I am reaching out to all of you.

Thank you all,

Kitt

Posted 2/17/2009 7:42 PM (GMT 0)
My dear friend, know that you are truly in my prayers as you know I lost my sister several months ago from a brain tumor. I will pray for your family and ask the angels to watch over you!!

God bless you!
Posted 2/17/2009 9:13 PM (GMT 0)
I've had a bad few days too.  I'm trying to "stay in the moment".  Your post brings back so many bad memories for me.

I've camped out in hospitals for extended periods.  I don't really want to see another Newborn Intensive Care Unit again - ever.  It took a big toll on me and that was when I was younger and had a lot of gas in the tank.  And before anxiety and depression took hold.  If fact ... it was a big contributor to the original depression.

I finally came to this - "if I can't stay functional I can't help anyone else - and I'll end up being part of the problem".  Is there any way you can turn off all the expectations - coulds, shoulds, needs to, oughts etc etc for now and that you'll just sort that out when the hospital stay is over?  Just my experience, but you'll probably need 6 - 8 hrs away from the hospital to stay centered.  After a couple of days - go to a movie.  Just sit there and decompress.  I've found that after an hour the stresses fade some and some optimism returns. 

If the kids fight - that is a tough one.  My daughter uses a confrontational tone with my wife all the time - and it sends my anxiety thru the roof.

Please take enough breaks to stay centered.  Give yourself permission to do it.

Guess I can't do much but send a virtual ((hug)).  You're not really alone if others are thinking of you.

 

Posted 2/17/2009 9:41 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Kitt,

Know that we all will be thinking of you. Please don't let them cause you to over do it. There is only so much that one person can do. You are not a door mat. Sorry. When I think of this I get angry. I know that we have discussed this before, but I can't stress enough to not let them walk all over you. Only do what you can. And no more. If you have to come home to sleep or shower, do so. You can't be expected to stay there 24/7 without a break. Besides, her children are there, they should be the main ones to take on this responsibility.

Just my thoughts. I hope I haven't upset you by stating this. It is just that I care about you. And I know you are dealing with a lot of stuff on your plate right now.

Luv and hugs, Karen
Posted 2/17/2009 10:48 PM (GMT 0)

Thank you all,  Karen your right, but the children are leaving on Saturday that is why I am the one that has been told to stay until the daughter gets back in 3 days...............

I will not be letting her go.  Bada Bing.  Her Mother needs her.  She is going to find out Auntie has a spine after all.

Why is it when you give so much people just assume and take advantage?

Trying to remember all my advice to others........... smhair

I really just need hugs and prayers right now. 

Love to all

Kitt

Posted 2/18/2009 12:55 AM (GMT 0)
Kitt,

Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. You will be able to stand your ground and do not feel guilty about it.

You are a special person and you don't need to be treated this way. I know that you want to be there as much as you can, but don't do more than that.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 2/18/2009 1:07 AM (GMT 0)
Kitt someone should try to be with your sister as much as thay can when she is in the hospital but that doesn`t mean that it should always be you.That is not healthy for you.Sit down now and make a schedule when you can be there and when you can not.Then give it to your other family members and tell them that thy will have to fill in when you cant be there.Hope your sister gets through the surgery and has a fast recovery.And I hope and pray that you do what is best for you and that you take care of yourself as well as your sister.
Posted 2/18/2009 1:17 AM (GMT 0)
Kitt,

We are all giving you permission to only do as you feel comfortable with. You have got to have some time to yourself. You will be able to do more in the long run for both you and your sister. If you are worn down, you will only get more anxious and depressed.

I hope that you listen to us. And somebody had a good idea of writing a schedule. I hope that you do that.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 2/18/2009 8:45 AM (GMT 0)
Kitt,
You have helped me here on the forum.
I now find that there's not much I can do to help you.
I hope the best for you and your sister. I do.
Take care of you. You don't want to get sick now.
Sincerely,
Pamela
Posted 2/18/2009 11:45 AM (GMT 0)

Hi Kitt,

It sounds like you have a lot going on right now & I am sorry that you aren't feeling too good! I hope that all goes well with your sisters surgery, I am thinking about you both. 

Posted 2/18/2009 2:08 PM (GMT 0)
Im sorry for the position you have been put into. I know you will survive it as you are such a strong person. Im sure your sister will do well and hopefully she can get some relief as well. Just take things as they come and handle it as you go. I know how hard that can be. And I have also camped out in hospitals...its not a fun thing, I know. But, maybe you will appreciate home when you get to go back to it afterwards, I sure did!

Its hard to see now as you are anticipating what lies ahead, but you will come out just fine on the other side. If anyone can handle it, its you. And we are all here for you, and your sister. We'll all be thinking about you guys. Best wishes
Posted 2/18/2009 3:34 PM (GMT 0)

Kitt:  I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.  You are such a beautiful and caring person.  Your sister and her family unfortunately do not realize how lucky they are to have you. 

Please be careful in tapering off of the antidepressants.  It sounds like now is definately the time that you need to have the extra help they can offer to you.

Keeping your niece around sounds like a good idea.  She needs to have some accountability.  I don't know how old both your nieces are, but could you have someone like your daughters (if they live close enough) drop by and help with them too?  Also, is your sister married?  Couldn't and shouldn't her spouse be at the hospital with her as well?

I'm sure you have already thought about all of this.  You are just such a wonderful person that I hate to see you pushed around and nervous because of it.  Hang in there!

Cass

Posted 2/19/2009 6:02 AM (GMT 0)
BIG HUGS to you, (((((((Kitt)))))))). You are doing all you can right now to be the support your sister and family needs. You are not alone because all of our thoughts and prayers are with you and with her.

Love and light,
NW
Posted 2/19/2009 4:15 PM (GMT 0)

Kitt: I know I already posted yesterday, but I wanted to let you know that I am still thinking of you.  Despite any time differences here I know you are at the hospital right now with your sister and I am saying prayers for you.

You are the kindest, gentlest and one of the most loyal people I have had the pleasure of getting to know here on Healing Well.  I also know that even though you may question it on occasion, you are also a very strong person and I have faith that you will be able to handle this.

Fondly,

Cass

Posted 2/19/2009 6:22 PM (GMT 0)
I was just thinking about you this morning. It has to be mega-stressful. Hope you are both doing alright.
Posted 2/19/2009 7:01 PM (GMT 0)
KItt,

I hope everything is going well during your sister's surgery. Know that we all are thinking about you and praying for you.

Luv and hugs, Karen
Posted 2/19/2009 9:24 PM (GMT 0)
Morning Kitt , you certainly have my prayers and lots of hugs are being sent your way .
Take plenty of things with you to give you something to do as your sister will be on heavy pain relief for the few days following the surgery and will probably sleep a lot .
Take a break even if it`s just for a walk outside the fresh air will be so great .Look at nature and her wonders .I do hope all goes well for her and that the strain on you is not to much .
Take care and god bless you both .
Snowflake .
Posted 2/20/2009 4:13 AM (GMT 0)
kitt i hope the sugery for your sister went ok, please keep up posted when you can!
Posted 2/20/2009 1:32 PM (GMT 0)

Good Morning Dear Family,

I am fine, good, happy and most of all my sister is alive and doing very well.  Surgery went extremely well and no new cancer found on any other organs so it was  good news.  Depending on the pathology reports she may need more chemo............so far the outcome is good.

I am tired, couple hours sleep in last 48 hours but I am going home for tonight.  Also I have not told my sister but did tell her daughter (my niece) that I cannot come up on Sunday and stay for 72 hours straight as the caregiver.  I have to work on Tuesday so I will be practicing my assertiveness.........I will come and visit daily except when I work. 

I am so grateful for all of my HealingWell Family that I want to share with you I will be making a donation to HW in honor of you, my support family of friends and peers.

You are the best and I am so very blessed to have you in my life.

Love
Kitt

Karen,  I know you have been covering.........you are a gem. cool

Posted 2/20/2009 1:55 PM (GMT 0)
Kitt~
I am so glad to hear your news! It's true, prayers and FAITH really do exist!!

Love and prayers my friend
Posted 2/20/2009 2:59 PM (GMT 0)
Kitt,

I am so happy to hear the good news and that you are going home for some rest. You deserve it. You are such a sweetheart.

I am glad that the worst is over and that your sister made it through the surgery and is doing good. I bet she was happy that you were there for her.

Luv and hugs, Karen
Posted 2/22/2009 2:04 AM (GMT 0)
this is great news! I Hope your sister will make a recovery from cancer, you have gone through a lot I hope cancer would not find a way back :)
Posted 2/22/2009 2:20 AM (GMT 0)
Kitt the power of prayer is a wonderful thing and even so much better when ones prayers are answered .
The news of your sister is awesome i hope she continues to improve and make great strives .
We are the one who should be thanking you as you are a most valued member of the family i`m sure all will agree.
Take care of you now and rest as best you can .
Snowflake
Posted 2/22/2009 3:06 PM (GMT 0)

Dear Family,

I am dragging but with your help I keep going.............like the Energizier Bunny. We continue to need the prayers, that is all my sister asks for is prayers.

Update

My sister took a turn for the worse early Saturday Morning as she developed bleeding into her mastectomy site and was rushed back to surgery at 4:30 A.M. Her hemoglobin dropped to 7.9 and her BP was in the 70's (systolic).  She developed breathing problems and is now in Surgical ICU. 

She started to have hallucinations last night around Midnight.  I will be going back up to the hospital in a bit but wanted to let you know where we are at and one more time ask for prayers.

I am so sorry I am MIA...........I want to be here with all of you. smhair

Thank you to all.

Hugs

Kitt

Posted 2/22/2009 7:13 PM (GMT 0)
Kitt,

I am so sorry to hear this. You take all the time that you need to be with your sister. and know that we are all praying for the two of you. I hope that she gets better soon.

Luv and hugs, Karen
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