DEPRESSED DUE TO BIPOLAR SPOUSE

Hi GSAVA1:

I can't even begin to imagine the position your wife has placed you in.  It is great that you have come here for help.  I just wanted to note however, that I have done a lot of reading from the other boards too in trying to get answers to my own questions about myself.  You should also check out the BiPolar board.  I have noticed that there is an even mixture of spouses of spouses with Bipolar and they often support and give each other advise to questions such as your own.  Perhaps you could find even more answers there?

I will be thinking of you.  Hang in there.

Cass

Maybe this is a little easier to understand if you think of it in terms of the grief cycle.  Google it or find a good book on the grief cycle.  It just sounds to me like she is stuck between the denial and anger phases.  That's a tough place to be.  I went thru that for several years when my wife wouldn't accept that she had a seizure disorder. 

I would guess she's not "forgetting" at all.  She's not taking her med because she thinks she doesn't need it - and she thinks she doesn't need it cause she thinks she isn't bipolar.  Can you even get her to go to counseling?  Same thing - why go to counseling if she's not bipolar. 

Anyways, that's where the anger is coming from when you try to get her to take her meds.  I've seen it too. 

It's really tough when someone gets hung up in the grief  cycle and can't move on.  It will help you to read about it tho.

And it's hard - but please quit taking the anger and the mean things she says personally.  I know it's difficult, but that's not really her - it's the bipolar condition and the anger phase of the grief cycle.  There's no reason for you to internalize this stuff and take it seriously.

Unfortunately, everyone has to come to acceptance of an illness at their own pace.  It takes time - and that can be agonizing for others who are affected by it.  This is a good thing to dicsuss with your therapist.

Here is a link to the five stages of grief:

http://www.businessballs.com/elisabeth_kubler_ross_five_stages_of_grief.htm

Quoting directly from the info on the website:

Denial:

"Denial is a conscious or unconscious refusal to accept facts, information, reality, etc., relating to the situation concerned. It's a defence mechanism and perfectly natural. Some people can become locked in this stage when dealing with a traumatic change that can be ignored."

Anger

"Anger can manifest in different ways. People dealing with emotional upset can be angry with themselves, and/or with others, especially those close to them. Knowing this helps keep detached and non-judgemental when experiencing the anger of someone who is very upset."

It is helpful to understand that her objectional behavior is due to her illness and her trying to adjust to her illness.

There is actually a choice for you to make.  You can take everything she is saying personally, get even more depressed, and tell yourself you are a bad person in some way.  When we do this, we go on the same roller coaster ride as the person who is ill.

or

You can recognize she is in denial, anger, or manic espisode and remain detached and objective.  You can tell yourserlf, "Oh wow, she is still really in the Anger phase.  I'll have to be patient while she continues with her adjustment."

I'm sorry that you're in such a difficult position.  I have been thru something similar.  It really really helped me to remain detached when my wife was in an anger episode. 

I hope this helps in some small way.  One purpose of this forum is give people an opporunity to vent and get it all out.  Another is to learn an alternative way of looking a situation.

Reminder your caps lock is on..........this makes it hard to read and also is consider as shouting on the boards.

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 3/11/2009 4:45:51 PM (GMT-6)