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Posted 4/24/2009 1:00 AM (GMT 0)
I had written several posts about my son and his broken engagement and wedding.  He is doing remarkably well.  He has signed up for couseling which will be good as he needs a neutral person to help him.  He has really come to terms with not marrying this girl.  He truly understands that marriage to her would never work and he has accepted that reason.  He still talks to me a lot about the whole relationship and I have told him things I thought about it and he understands what went wrong. I think he has been very brave and  he says he can actually see a glimmer at the end of the tunnel.  I am so proud of him.  This was his first real love so maybe it was a good experience to go through in order to find the right person. He has many friends and is making a lot of plans for the summer and planning to have a busy schedule.  Also keep up with his very busy job!  I am doing better too.  While I hurt for him deep down inside me I am truly glad he won't be marrying her.  She gave nothing to the relationship, it was never 50-50 always 110% on his part.  I was very angry for a while that she did this to him.  I got rid of my anger by taking all the photos and letters I had from her and put them all through the shredder.  That was a good feeling and helped me to alleviate my anger.  Now I feel we will go on to bigger and better things for all of us.  Thank you all my HW friends for writing me and being so supportive.  It may seem inconsequential to some of you but this was a  rough time for us and a devastating blow. Again thanks for all the support.  I am always here for all of you.

Many hugs,

Aurora

Posted 4/24/2009 2:25 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Aurora,

I have been thinking about you today, and I'm so pleased to see your post and to know that things are looking up. It's wonderful to read about the progress your son has made, and to know that he has signed up for counseling. I'm very glad to know that you are also doing better. Even though I don't have children myself, I can imagine that watching your son go through a painful experience like this would be very traumatic for you, as well. Knowing the close bond the two of you have, I am sure that you have been able to offer him a wealth of love, support, and advice. It sounds to me like your son has a good plan for getting through the coming months, and I hope that the two of you continue to thrive and heal from this experience. I send you my very best wishes, and thank you for the update. (((hugs)))
Posted 4/24/2009 4:38 AM (GMT 0)
Aurora,
I am so glad to hear that your son is healing & you are starting to move on. I think you have a really healthy perspective saying that it was truly for the best that your son hold out for a more equal partner for his marriage. I'm sure it must be really difficult for everybody involved, but the fact that he is able to recognize that equality is an integral part of a successful marriage means that when he does find the right person that it will truly be an enriching experience for both him & whomever he marries. I'm really blown away by how much your son confides in you. That is truly a testament to what a wonderful mother you are & have been for him!

Sending you healing thoughts & prayers for many blessings in your life,
frances
Posted 4/24/2009 12:20 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Aurora,

I am so glad you posted an update on your son and also on how you are dealing with this loss of his dream.  He sounds like a fine young man who has his head on straight and has a Mother that is there to support him.  That is awesome and having you in his corner is a blessing for him.

I have done the very same thing as you which I know may sound silly to some but if I have ended a relationship and it has caused me great pain I will destroy items that remind me of this person and try to just let them go.........it is a purging for me.  It beats feeling angry and hurt by the behavior of this person so shred away. :)

 

Please know I am always here for you.

 

Hugs
Kitt

Posted 4/24/2009 2:56 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Aurora,

I am glad that your son is doing good! and I am glad that your feeling better now too

Posted 4/24/2009 4:59 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Aurora,

I too am happy that you and your son are both healing. Keep up the good work. I know that htis hasn't been easy for you or him. But now you can move on to bigger and better things.

Have a wonderful day my friend.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 4/27/2009 2:08 AM (GMT 0)
It`s good to here that things are going good for both of you.I am happy for both of you.
Posted 4/27/2009 1:52 PM (GMT 0)
Good to hear that you and your son are doing better. life can bring us down, but if we battle to bring ourselves up we can do it. May you, me, and everyone on this site always strive to be uplifted. God bless.
Posted 4/27/2009 8:28 PM (GMT 0)

Hi all, I am posting again because we are back to having a rough time.  My son did not have a good weekend.  He found out that his fiance is applying for jobs in our area.  To me this sounds like she is hoping that if she moves back here she can somehow get back together with my son. This really angers me. She always said she hated the Midwest and never wanted to live here. That was one of the reasons for their breakup.  And now she wants to find a job here??? I think she is being very underhanded and may try to mess with his mind.  I am going to have a talk with my son and express my feelings and tell him I think she is looking to get back with him.     I am hoping that with his couseling and joining new groups he will be able to get beyond this but if she gets a job here and is back in another month I don't know if he will be able to resist or even work on his recovery.  He found out she had applied for the jobs on her facebook page.  I think he should not be looking at her facebook page.  I think it only does him harm.  He was very upset today and saying how much he misses her.  I wish I could email her and tell her to leave him alone and get on with her life but I know I can't do that.  he would be furious with me.  I am just feeling so angry.  This is really interfereing with my life. I always have a pit in my stomach. Just please hope for our sake that she is not successful in getting a job here.  That would make things so much better. Thanks for listening.

Aurora

Posted 4/27/2009 8:44 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Aurora,

I hope that she doesn't get a job in his area, but there really isn't anything that you can do if she does. You need to let him deal with this, and hope for a good outcome. It does sound like he still has feelings for her. So just step back and see what happens. Try not to let it bother you. You will lose sight of yourself if you continue to worry about it. He obviously keeps looking at her profile on facebook, that means that he is still interested or he would not be doing that. He says he misses her, and he probably does. So I would let him learn the way that he knows how and just be there for him. There is no reason for you to let it effect your well being. You are a wonderful person and I don't want to see you be sad.

Keep posting Aurora, we are all here for you. We want you to be strong. If this is really effecting you in a negative way, maybe you should talk to a counselor about it. Are you seeing anybody right now? You could use some extra support through out this topsy turvy ordeal. I know that this isn't easy for you.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 4/27/2009 8:45 PM (GMT 0)
Aurora,

I am so sorry to read about this. I can understand why you would be upset, especially since this move was one of the issues that precipitated the breakup! There is no way to know for sure what is on her mind, but I, too, would be suspicious of her motives, given the fact that she was so adamant about it prior to the end of the relationship. I agree that it is not in your son's best interest for him to be looking at her facebook page, but I also know that cutting the ties can be a slow process.....sometimes with a few steps forward and a couple back. Like you, I am hoping and praying that your son's counseling and additional support will help him to cope with the situation - no matter what it entails - and I know it must be so hard for you having to watch and wait like this. You may not be able to control what your son's ex does or where she chooses to live and work, but you CAN continue to communicate with your son and offer the love and support that you always have. Ultimately, if she moves to your area, he will have to decide how to handle it, but until that time, keep listening to him and encouraging him to do what is best for him. Grief is a rough road, but your son has already made progress, and I am confident that he will get past this upsetting news. I'm sending you my best wishes and sincere prayers. ((((hugs))))
Posted 4/27/2009 9:46 PM (GMT 0)

Dear Karen and Raniah, thank you so much for your replies.  You are right.  I am not strong right now and I am letting this get the best of me.  I am trying but I am also suffering so much.  To the point where it is affecting my asthma which I know is bad.  I do have a counselor who I have been seeing for the past 20 some years.  I see her every week again now that this has happened.  She does help me and I always feel better after, so let's see how this week goes.  I am just so upset that this girl is so coniving and hoping to take advantage of his weaknesses.  He would be OK right now except his roommate is out of town for 2 weeks and I can't convince my son to come stay at my house.  He has a bedroom all ready for him and has stayed many times.  I think he wants to tough it out to see if he can do it but he fell apart today.  I think if I can get him to erase her as a friend on his facebook page that it may help.  I don't know how it works. I just know that I need to get myself help or I will fall apart. I want so badly to tell her to leave him and my family alone, that she just doesn't realize what she has done to all of us, not just me but his brother, dad, stepmom and grandma.  I want her to know that its Over and now is the time to accept it and quit and move on.  Thanks for listening. My son sees his new therapist on Wed. so that should help.  Also, I think all his friends would absolutely convince him to never go back to her. I am trying, will keep you posted.

Hugs,

Aurora

Posted 4/27/2009 11:46 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Aurora,

I was going to ask you if your son was seeing a counselor, I am glad that he is.

Know that we are always here for you. And will support you no matter what happens. She does sound awful caniving (sp) and I hope that your son can see through it.

Bless you Aurora,

Hugs, Karen
Posted 4/28/2009 3:54 AM (GMT 0)
Aurora,
I think that Kitt & Raniah have given you good advice.

I just wanted to let you know that I am praying for you & wishing the best for you and your son. He seems to be a very bright young man with a good head on his shoulders. Emotions are hard to deal with, but so far he's managed to make good choices & it seems safe to trust he will continue to make good ones in the future. Yes, it would probably be easier on him (& you) if he didn't still look at his ex's facebook page, but he seems to have done the right thing by turning to you rather than just running back to her.

stay strong!

blessings,
frances
Posted 4/28/2009 2:28 PM (GMT 0)
Good morning, Aurora,

How are you feeling today? I hope things are a little better for you. I hate to see you suffering like this, and I’m really glad that you were able to get weekly appointments with your therapist to help you through this time.

I can only imagine how badly you want to fix this for your son, and it must be awful, as a mother, to know that he is in pain. I really believe you are doing everything within your power to help him, and the important thing now is to take care of yourself and maintain your own strength so that you can continue to be there and support him through his struggles.

I hope your son’s appointment helps to clarify things for him, and gives him additional comfort while he’s sorting out his feelings. It’s wonderful that he has you and his friends to confide in as well. I will continue to keep both of you in my prayers.

All the best to you.
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