Copeing

I am dealing with a co-worker, who is driving me crazy at times.  He is trying to bully me and gets on me and insists he is always right.  I manage an apt. complex.  He is maintenance.  I am an employee and he is a contract employee.  He owns his own company.  He has been with us for about 10 months.  Lately things have gotten worse.  For example, he was suppose to have this one apt. ready.  I wrote up what I found still needed to be done after walking thru the apt.  When he got the list, he got really upset.  We got into it.  He insisted things I had on the list were already done.  One thing was I said the hall bath needed a new toilet seat.  He argued that it already had a new one.  He was yelling at me.  He finally went over and found everything I had written down was correct.  Today he insisted that a tenant was parked in the parking shed.  I told him that the tenant was not parking in the covered parking shed.  I know that for an absolute fact and he still insists they were.  He is messing with my mind.  I am not talking about joking around.  He is dead serious.  He tries to convince me of things that are not true.  I have tried talking to one of the owners and she said not to worry about it.  Unfortunatly that is much easier said than done.  People don't understand how it is affecting me.  I am so afraid of saying something I will regret.  In fact, yesterday I said something I can not believe I said.  I told him I quit because I can't take it anymore.  How do I keep from going crazy?

Chelsi

hw_chelsi

You may want to look at practicing some assertiveness skills.  I will post some here for you.

 

Use feeling-talk. You can express your personal likes and interests spontaneously rather than stating things in neutral terms, You say "I like this soup" or "I love your blouse" rather than "This soup is good," You can use the phrase "I feel" or "I think" when it is appropriate,

 

Talk about yourself If you do something worthwhile and interesting, you can let your friends know about it, you don't monopolize the conversation, but you can mention your accomplishments when it is appropriate.

 

Make greeting-talk. You are outgoing and friendly with people you want to know better. You smile brightly and sound pleased to see them, you say,” Well, Hello! How good to see you again" rather than softly mumbling "H'lo" or nodding silently or looking embarrassed.

 

Accept compliments. You can accept compliments graciously ("Yes, I like this shirt, too") rather than disagreeing with them ("Oh, this old thing?"). You reward rather than punish your complimenter.

 

Use appropriate facial talk. Your facial expressions and voice inflections convey the same feelings your words are conveying. You can look people directly in the eye when conversing with them.

Disagree mildly. When you disagree with someone, you do not pretend to agree for the sake of keeping the peace. You can convey your disagreement mildly by looking away, or grimacing, or raising eyebrows, or shaking your head, or changing the topic of conversation.

Ask for clarification. If someone gives you garbled directions, instructions, or explanations, you can ask that person to restate them more clearly. Rather than going away confused and feeling dumb, you can say, "Your directions were not clear to me. Would you please go over them again?"

Ask why. When you are asked to do something that does not seem reasonable or enjoyable, you can ask, "Why do you want me to do that?"

Express active disagreement. When you disagree with someone and feel sure of your ground, you can express your disagreement by saying things like "I have a different view of that matter. My opinion is. . ." or "I think your opinion leaves out of consideration the following factors. . ."

Speak up for your rights. You do not let others take advantage of you when you feel put upon; you can say no persistently without feeling guilty. You can demand your rights and ask to be treated with fairness and justice. You can say, "I was next in line," or "Excuse me, but you will have to leave as I have another appointment now," or "Please turn down your radio," or "You're half an hour late for our appointment." You can register your complaints firmly without blowing up.

Be persistent. If you have a legitimate complaint, you can continue to restate it despite resistance from the other party until you get satisfaction. You do not allow one or two no's to cause you to give up.

Avoid justifying every opinion. In discussion, if someone continually argues and asks you why, why, why, you can stop the questioning by refusing to go along, or by reflecting it back to the other person. You can state simply, "That's just the way I feel. Those are my values. I don't have to justify everything I say. If justifying is so important to you, you might try justifying why you're disagreeing with me so much."

I have highlighted the ones that I think would serve you well in this situation.

Take care and remember being assertive in not the same as being aggressive.

Kitt