same old

i probably am not about to write anything new or unusual however i don't know what to do.
i was first depressed about a year and a half ago... last winter... and didn't do anything about it. i went to a couple therapy sessions. i cried a lot. i took out a lot of my frustrations and emotions on myself and my family. i became a bit reclusive, overanalyzed myself, thought about everything absurdly too much, and can no longer act on impulses... i'm always anticipating the way what i'm going to do will be perceived, i'm always worried, i'm always nervous, i'm always anxious about what people will think of me, i always feel out of place and slightly awkward. i feel "unattractive" in a lot of ways- not just physically- as if i have very little to offer to others in conversation, entertainment, etc. overall, i just feel alone and awkward and like there's no way i'm not going to feel like this. i feel destined to always feel bad. i feel like there's no solution and there's nothing that can be done. i feel helpless and pathetic and horribly pessimistic and i don't know what to do.

please offer up anythign and everything... i just want a sense of easiness in my life, i want to have fewer inhibitions, i want to be interesting and social, i want to be happy.

hey standingstill, your recovery has just started, by posting you are acknowledging that you are depressed, how it is affecting, and effecting you. your insights to what is happening shows that you indeed have an intellect, moreover i feel you would do well by seeking medical help via advising the doc of the affect and effect issues, about the slight reclusiveness, and the loss of interset in things and the very real despair you are feeling. keep posting, with co-operative help things will improve. healings, we care ok, jamie