I am new to ALL of this. The feelings of depression, anxiety that I can't seem to control, and sharing my feelings and experience on here. I am not sure really where to start but I am hoping that in sharing what I have been going through I might be able to connect with someone who has had a similar experience or has had similar feelings. This has all made me feel so isolated. I never knew what a chemicle depression was or that I would have it. I had always ignorantly thought depression was something you could just "snap out of" untill I started going through it. Now I feel like this is probably just about the worst thing that could happen to a person because it can make you feel like not living your life and that you will never feel normal again. Maybe that sounds extreme but it is how I have felt at times.
I have had many stressful things happen in my life in the past couple of years: my sister passed away, moved across country with my fiancee away from all family and friends so he could go to school, loosing my job and then getting a new one, planning a wedding, etc. So I thought I handled everything well but this past December I had what I think was a panick attack out of nowhere in the middle of dinner. I had experienced anxiety before like when your going to give a speech but this just seemed to happen for no reason and it freaked me out so bad I couldn't calm down for days. I could't eat, barely slept and thought my life was over. It was like living in a nightmare that I couldn't wake up from. I have lost almost twenty pounds which for me is a lot and looks unhealthy and my sleep still isn't always normal. I didn't know what to do so I didn't say anything except to my fiancee. He thought I was just over reacting and said "Just relax." The problem was I couldn't. Then a few weeks later the depression came. It is hard to describe the way I felt other than hopeless and like my life was over. I thought God was punishing me or that I was just going crazy. I stopped caring about everything even my own wedding and became obsessed with finding something to help me feel better. I tried just thinking happy thoughts (which lasted about 5 minutes), taking supplements, reading books, excersizing, waiting but I never got better. After four month I went to a Dr. and was prescribed lexapro and klonopin and was told it was chemicle depression and anxiety and that these pills would help. I have been on them for about six weeks and things are better than they were but not 100% yet. I also have been talking to a LPC which helps a little too. I just needed to know if others had experienced something like this or if anyone has any advise or thoughts. Any comments are welcome and thanks for taking time to read this and respond. God Bless.