A part of my life..

Hi....
My name is Sarah...
I want to tell you a bit about my life....
Well I am special needs person with some learning difficulties....
Ever since I was 5 years of age, I have gotten bullied... Cause of my speach and the way how I was.....
When I was 7 years old I gave my live to God....
When I was 11 years old, I went to a christian camp called Bridge Valley Christian Ranch, there I re-commited my life to God....
At the age of 11 years old, I got baptized...
The song I had for my baptism was called "Jesus Lover of my Soul"
When I was at my last year of intermedaite, I was 12 years of age then...
My mum and Dad splat up for about 3 of 4 months, then they got back togeather again...
I can remeber I thought that my mum and dad splat up cause of me, Cause That I was a special needs person, but no it was not because of that...
I can remeber the afternoon that my mum told my sister and me about what happend, we had to sleep in the car that night...
I got to sleep in the front seat by mum...
One part of the night I woke up and the car was driving, so I looked at my mum and she told me to turn back over while she kept on driving...
So I turned back over and I looked out of the car window and I could see the stars shining, and I felt like crying cause I felt unloved, broken, hurt and depressed.
Anway's the year after that I was 13 years of age and I had just started college....
There was so some boys that were saying to me that God did not exits and that I would not be going to heaven.......
So I felt angry as well as still feeling depressed.... That one sunday afternoon I was in my bedroom and I felt like dying....
So I got my sissors and I     my wrist......
My mum found out, just by listing on the phone when my friend rung to talk to me...
So my mum rung My school, so that she could tell my teachers in the Learner support Center... The head of the Learner Support Center made a counsliior's appointment to see the school counsillor, which I did not like...
After that My life went up and down, where one day I would be so depressed that I would put my stuff down....
Other things have happend like, I had 2 friendship brakeups but lucky one of my friends is friends with me again, I have had alot of loved friends and family died and yea...
So I am still feeling really depressed....
From Sarah

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 6/18/2009 5:11:48 AM (GMT-6)

I bottle everything up inside and I am sure i will have a meltdown..
From Sarah

I would e-mail you but I don't know your address...
It is so Hard..
From Sarah

Dont give up- Jaimee and Karen gave you great advice. I too am a christian and my faith is a large part of what helps me cope. I agree that professional counselling would be good, and you can also journal your fears and frustrations so they dont bottle and explode. same for any creative outlet. I really hope you can find someone who can help you in your journey cos it sounds like youve had it rough, but also sounds like you are strong, and a fighter.

Hang in there,

Maz XX

Crying is cleansing. so if you feel like it, do so. Let it all out maybe in the privacy of your room. Or out in the woods somewhere. Just let it go and you will feel better. It is a good release. There is nothing wrong with it.

Keep posting, as we are all here for you.

Hugs, Karen

To update your profile, you go to control panel. It is the blue bar on the top of the page. Well, the second blue bar. I have to edit your post, because we are not allowed to mention cutting. Sorry about that. You can use the words self harm instead.

I hope that you can have a release other than hitting. I use to do that. All it did was hurt my hands and I would destroy things that I loved. Try to let it out in other ways, such as crying, art, exercise. You really need to channel your feelings.

Wishing you the best.

Hugs, Karen

Hi Sarah, Your post really touched my heart, and I can tell that you have a beautiful soul….it shines through in your post. My faith is a very strong part of who I am and my healing process, and I hope you will rely on your faith, as well, to help you through this. I’m sorry that it didn’t work out with the school counselor, but I hope you will consider getting some counseling again….if not from a therapist, perhaps from a leader or member at your place of worship. I know it can be hurtful when others say or do things to bring us down, and it takes time to recover from that hurt and get back to being ourselves. The most important thing to remember is this: you are worthy of love, and you deserve to have a healthy and a happy life. Please stay strong and take good care of yourself, and reach out for help with your depression. Things can and will get better, and I know you have the power to make it happen.

I went to work today... Man it felt so long....
Now I am checking my e-mails...
I so wish this wasn't hard to get over...
From Sarah..

Yea, I did make it through work......
I am going to bed soon and try and get some sleep, don't know if I will.
From Sarah..

keep fightin' sarah. jamie

hi sarah,
I'm a praying person and you're in my thoughts. Keep your faith, people that redicule it are often just misinformed and don't allow others to express themselves. You sound like such a nice person. I have learning difficulties and while it led to bullying from teachers and students when i was growing up it just made me into the person i am today. Remember. it's in the past and just look forward.
Take care, boo

you too sarah, i've pulled myself together enough to go to work now so i'ii be off line for a while.
I hope you have a nice day.
boo

Hi Sarah-
I must say I'm proud of you, you sound like a great gal. I also gave my life to the Lord- stay strong and keep your faith in Him. He loves you so much and He is always with you, even when it doesn't feel like it. God is so real, don't let anyone convince you otherwise. He has fearfully, and wonderfully made you- it says in His word. His love for you is great, so please do not hurt yourself and just keep relying on him for strength and healing.

Love and prayers for you.