Painful break up

Hey

I'm new on here and I just wanted to get some help on some stuff and see if anyone else is going through what I'm going through.

I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 8 months. He was my first long-term boyfriend, my first everything really, and we both fell in love quickly with each other. He is a paranoid schitzophrenic which in the end, I couldn't cope with and we got into horrible arguments and all sorts of difficult problems. One night we got into an argument and he ended it with me. The next day he tried to apologise and wanted to work things out, but at this time I had already made a desicion that I didn't want to get back in the mess again and constantly get hurt. He didn't take it well at all. We go to the same school so every day he wanted to talk to me to get me to reconsiliate. We did get back for 2 weeks where I realised that it was a big mistake, and called it off.

He did some awful things to get my attention. Some things so serious that teachers at my school got involved and told him to stay away from me. He hates me now because he says that I ruined everything, and to be quite honest I don't hate him, although I'm trying to hate him because at the moment, it's the only thing I can do to make myself feel a little bit better.

I feel like I've lost the only person who truly understood me, although there were bad times. I feel so alone and all I do now when I get home from school is cry. I have to see his face everyday at school, and there is even more pain as he has a new girlfriend. Every time I think of them together I feel like I'm going to throw up, and I start to shake. I cannot possibly describe the pain. All I can say really is that it feels like I'm breaking down inside. I don't want to do anything I used to like anymore, I can't sleep or eat properly. I've lost interest in everything....

Sorry to go on but nobody understands the severity of it. I know all I can do is wait for things to heal. But I'm sick and tired of waiting now.

I have suffered more problems as a result of break-ups than probably anything else. It won't do any good to try to hate him - that just creates more negativity and ultimately hurts only you. If he has a new girlfriend, that's actually good. He's somebody else's problem, not yours. You're done with him, and it's time to move on.

You may be feeling alone, as are many people on this forum, I imagine, but it is better to wait for the right situation to develop than settle for one which makes you feel less alone, but ultimately creates a dependency. Trust me when I say that putting your life in the hands of somebody else, especially a significant other, is a recipe for disaster.

You will only attract a good, strong, stable relationship if you feel more confident and secure in your own life. It's painful, it takes patience, and sometimes it can take seemingly forever to get there, but it's true. The first letdown can be very painful, especially if mental illness is involved in both or either of the parties, (believe me, I know) but sooner or later you can meet somebody new. As for seeing him at school, try to ignore him or channel your pain into something creative, maybe? Writing? Art? Whatever floats your boat. You're young, give it time.

dear holleee,

not invalidating your situation, i am very compassionate, just felt i needed to express that people with a mental illness are people and not their conditions. jamie. no hurt intended.

Hi Holleee, Break-ups can be really painful…..there’s no doubt about it. And having this experience with your first love makes it even more so. What Jamie said is true…..a person with an illness is still a person. I know you feel you didn’t know enough about paranoid schizophrenia, but I don’t want you looking back now and beating yourself up over that. We learn things over time, and it sounds to me like you did the best that you could. One thing that is important to keep in mind, with anyone regardless of their health or state of mind: if the person you love is doing things that are damaging to you or your health or self-esteem, you have to do what is best for you, which sometimes means breaking up. You’ve mentioned ‘horrible arguments and difficult problems’ and the fact that your boyfriend did some serious things which prompted your teachers to tell him to stay away from you. IMO, those are red flags, and I think you did what is best by distancing yourself from him. It will be up to him to get the help he needs. I hope you have someone to confide in, Holleee…..maybe a trusted friend, a teacher, your parents or even a counselor. It’s natural to feel grief after the loss of an important relationship, and it will take time to get past it, but you might feel a bit better talking it out with someone. Please keep posting and let us know how it goes. We’re here for you.

holleee, i too had a relationship with a women with a mental illness, we both were at the time in recovery. it was a long time since i was in a relationship, thus i became manipulated, my eyes were closed, but in hinsight it was lust. and , oh, i did not meet her, or her families requirements, yeah, i was judged.  if i was to tell u the whole story...........well, would make for a killer book, and movie. gee did i go through some @#$%!! take care, and thx 4 your reply, and compassion. keep fightin, u have a kindness thru your expression, so be kind to you. healings. with compassion. jamie.

Hi Holleee, I’m glad you’re focusing on your studies and your future, and I hope you can find a way to stop feeling hate for your ex. I can understand why you feel hurt and angry and frustrated, but hopefully you can work through this and feel at least ‘indifferent’ towards him. Hatred is hardest on the person who is feeling it, not on the person to whom it is directed. Hang in there, and stay positive, and have fun checking out those universities. You have a lot to look forward to!