leaving zombie land

Hello,

with my PCP's approval, I am going off my SSRI. I have been medicated this time around for about 3 years and feel like I can get by without it. My psychiatrist, last time I asked, of course thought I should just take medication forever, and he paid so little attention to my file that he accidentally prescribed 40 mg of generic celexa instead of the 20 mg I had been taking for several months. When I was on the 40 mg, I was so numb, I had begged him to get me down to the 20 mg, and he did, but I guess he forgot about that change. Not like a double dose is a big deal or anything. Duh! And he is the head of psychiatry unit at a local hospital.

well, i didn't read the script til a couple of days after my appointment with the psychiatrist, and I just thought... that's it, I am through with him. And I filled the prescription but cut those pills into quarters... That was about a month ago. I went to a routine appointment with my primary care physician this week. She said that since I have been doing OK on the 10 mg and want to go off, that I could just stop taking them, or, I could go every other day. I am going to try every other day for a while and then go off. Don't want too many of those winkywinky brain things.

anyway. I actually feel a range of emotions now, and it's nothing psychotic. My brother died about 5 months ago and "thanks" to the SSRI, I feel like I have hardly grieved. I actually shed a tear or two these days when I am by myself. Nothing devastating, nothing that screams "mentally ill." Just, sad, like sad when somebody has died.

Yes, the SSRI was great when I was going through a very tough time at work and was having severe pains in my chest from anxiety. I feel like I can cope with life now though.

I haven't been getting counseling the last year and a half or two. I don't feel like taking their advice, so what's the point? I'll muddle on, doing things they don't understand.

Anybody else feel like you are tired of people telling you there is something wrong with you?

Daisy's Mom

Dear Daisysmom,

I did not have good luck with the SSRIs and they did not blunt my emotions or make me feel better in fact I was just as upset and cried easily due to deaths in my family as well as hating the depression.  I chose to wean off the SSRI and after 4 months off I have found that I do need to be on a medication but not an SSRI.

I do believe, as Jaimie said, we each know ourselves well and advocating for ourself is a good thing.

I have argued more then once with my Pdoc but she usually let's me try it my way in the end.  There are certain meds I have just refused to try. 

Take care and keep talking with us.

Kitt

then put those needs into action!! action plan time, i am doing another with my doc soon. keep fightin'. love, jamie

hello,

well, a small update. I am withdrawing from this SSRI, generic Celexa. Went down to no pills, like the doctor said I could do. Feeling it. Like those little electrical shock thingies in my brain when I am walking around. (Haven't you ever had them when you forgot to take your meds?)

The good thing is I have noticed that I am back to feeling like I can get out of bed in the morning. For many years I always did well on 7 hours of sleep, but that hadn't been the case this last time around on the medicine. Now I feel again like maybe 7 hours is enough.

Also, I once again feel like doing stuff in the kitchen. For some reason, i have hardly baked or cooked the last couple years and now I feel like I might actually make some interesting stuff again, instead of just heating things or frying stuff. I made a dessert today and it was pretty good! Also clipped a recipe for dinner.

I still have not canceled that appt with the psychiatrist. I'll give it another couple weeks, and if I feel too weird, maybe I will show up and see if he has any suggestions for me.

-- daisysmom

Fuzzies in the head were worse today. felt very ill. made a very careless mistake at work, though it was caught before lives could be lost (not that i do anything THAT important). hoping i will feel better tomorrow.

Hi Cloudy,

feeling slightly better the last couple of days. It has been such a pain to go completely off of the generic Celexa that I really don't think I will go back on it unless I have pretty bad psych symptoms. I guess when I did get on it I had been having a lot of anxiety and even felt suicidal. There was a gun in our house that we acquired after a relative died, and I had to get rid of it because I was so scared of my suicidal thoughts ... that was 3 years ago.

Maybe I really should find a therapist of some kind. I have been reading some comments on Healing Well and some people mentioned some things that make me think maybe I really shouldn't give up on therapy.


--daisysmom

allison,

I started cutting back the medication in July, I think. Went to half a dose for about a month. Then my family doctor said i could go to every other day or cut it completely if I wanted. I did it every other day for about a week and then I cut it completely about 2 weeks ago, I think.

I would exercise really intensely to help clear my body, BUT I am having a lot of foot pain, so that's kind of out. Some people on the Internet think it can take several months or even longer to clear a psychiatric drug out of your body/brain.

These last couple days I have been having less nausea and electrical/brain weirdness, which is a good thing. Since I started cutting back, I have sometimes had weird, scary dreams, which is unusual for me. One the other night had me screaming, and then I kept thinking about it in the daytime. I read on the Web that actually a lot of people get weird dreams when they START Celexa, but I don't remember that. Actually, for the last 3 years, I was on Lexapro and then went to the generic Celexa.

Anyway, as long as life doesn't throw me any curveballs, I think I will be OK, but I am going to try to get more involved again in something, whether it's going to church, or the gym or therapy or all three. Really, I swear I just got so passive and apathetic on the medication that I didn't notice how completely boring my life had become.

--daisysmom