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Posted 8/27/2009 12:02 AM (GMT 0)
I don't like myself. I have no life, no job, one friend. I am 53 years old and a total mess. If it weren't for my parents, I would be homeless. I decided today that I am really trying to kill myself. I am eating my self to death. I need to diet and exercise to lose 180 lbs. I understand that if I do not lose weight I will die from a heart attack or from complications from diabetes. I haven't had a job for over a year. I did graduate from college in May with a Bachelor of Science in Criminology/Criminal Justice but I still cannot find a job. I wrecked my car in June. I used the insurance money to get another that turned out to be a piece of crap. It has been in and out of the shop since I got it in July. I just want to get it to run so I can sell it and get another. My dad made sure to let me know that I really screwed up. My kids are grown. My daughter is 25 and my son is 21. She is married with 2 boys and my son is getting married in Sept. My son hasn't had time for me since he left for college three years ago. My daughter really doesn't have time unless she needs a babysitter. I go for days where I see no one and talk to no one. My only friend lives fifty miles away so I very seldom get to see her. We talk about once or twice a month. I pretty much don't matter to anyone, least of all myself.
Posted 8/27/2009 12:38 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Cloverlady,

Well, you have friends now. Even if it is over the internet, it is still comforting. We are all here for you so be patient, things will turn around. I keep to myself a lot, but I kind of like it that way. It makes life much less difficult for me. I do have friends that I seldom see. We do things like berry pick and stuff like that.

I am sorry about your son and daughter. I know that kids can come to depend on mom for a babysitter. I would let her know though that it hurts your feelings and maybe then she will come around even when she doesn't need anything. And you could always say no if you didn't want to. But I have a feeling that you enjoy the grandkids.

You need to learn to love yourself. And we can help you with that. Do you feel the need for counseling? I go every month and it really helps me. You might want to look into that. Another thing that I do is take walks. I often see people on my walks and talk a little. It is a nice way to get out of the house.

I hope that you feel better soon. Keep posting. We are all here for you.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 8/28/2009 11:56 PM (GMT 0)
You are not alone Cloverlady. I can identify with the feeling that no one is there when you need them. I know in my case they care, but they're just busy.

Can you enjoy your grandchildren? I do envy you that. I know they can be a pain too, but be sure to let them know how much you love them and they'll return that love I think.

Like you my car was just totaled and I have to find a new one in one day, before my insurance stops paying for the rental. I'm worried about the possibility I'll get a lemon. My car was 11 years old and never gave me a problem so I understnad how you feel

I wish we could each send half of our eating problem through cyberspace to each other. In this week of stress I have no appetite. The fear of the future makes food tasteless, so I've had a owl of cereal and two scoops of peanut butter today.

I'm impressed with the degree you've earned and you can be proud of yourself. That's an accomplishmen.I'll pray that a job comes your way soon.
Posted 8/29/2009 11:01 AM (GMT 0)
hi cloverlady, been in your situation.........plus some!! it does get better. we care about you, so you care about you. am very sorry for the situation and developments in your life that are causing you much distress. 1 day at a time, agree with karen about counselling, really does help, also having a chat with dr. may well be very beneficial also. your dr. may refer you to quality and respected support groups. i firmly beleive that with the right on-going support you will get to a place where you can better manage your life. send healing love your way.

jamie

dx, mdd, severe borderline personality disorder.

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