I've been suffering with depression for almost three years. I don't know what started it exactly, but I am very positive that it has to do with my mom.
When I was seven, we were in a bad crash that really hurt her. Then, she got sick three years ago. Very sick. She could barely get up and take me to school most days. I almost failed that year because I wasn't able to show up half the time and I had nobody to help me with my homework. (My dad lived in another state because of his work) She got very mad very quickly about things, but I didn't say anything because she was sick and I figured she was frustrated with it. My mom called me stupid for almost failing.
She has really done nothing but damage my self-confidence since. I told her that I wanted to go into journalism, but she told me that it was stupid, that I needed to be a doctor to make fat money to support her in her old age. Then, she yelled at me about how I am the worst writer in the world, even though she has never taken the time to even read anything I've written. It crushed me really hard, and I haven't been able to write a sentence since. Even though everybody else tells me that my writing is actually very well.
No matter what we are doing, she always finds a way to put me down and make me feel like crap. I tell her how I feel and she screams about how I blame her for everything that has gone wrong with my life. If I cry for any reason, she rolls her eyes and tells me to shut the hell up, she doesn't want to hear it. She has threaten to beat the crap out of me if I forget to do things. Just recently I've moved in with my dad. I got better, but she came back. Again, everything began to fall appart. When my dad and I dropped her off at the airport, he quietly told me that she wasn't coming back and wanted a divorce.
At first, I was pretty happy. I felt excited that I could finally overcome my depression. Then, it came back. I really love my mom, but I just couldn't take the way she treated me. Whenever I tell her that now over the phone when she calls, she just gets all upset with me about how I hate her and don't miss her. I really do. I need her. I'm fourteen, almost fifteen and I NEED my mom in my life. I just can't live with her, and I can't live without her. We just can't get along, and she refuses my dad's suggestions on therapy for the three of us. I don't know what to do. I know I can never fully get over my depression without repairing our relationship.