My wife says shes done helping.

Do you honestly feel depressed and insecure? It's worth talking to a doctor/psychologist. If you genuinely are clinically depressed, she's not being terribly supportive by saying you lack backbone. Maybe she really is just looking for a way out? Either way, talk to a professional. If you are opposed to drugs, a psychologist (or church/other counselor if you don't have insurance or the means to visit a doctor).

Good luck!

If you're committed to your marriage, see a doctor pronto. Try a psychologist/counselor first, if that doesn't work see a psychiatrist (who can prescribe you drugs). I imagine that, from her perspective, it's tough to be interested in someone who isn't interested in helping himself.

agree with the doc, and marriage counselling as well. this way you can rectify things more quickly. furthermore this will show your true dedication to the marriage. even if your wife does not attend i recommend that you do, be it psycholoogist/therapist or whoever your comfortable with. your doc may well be able to refer you to someone on a sliding fee scale. seeing your doc will also be beneficial to your mental health as well, meds/treatments and theraputic referal. if you attend m/c it is possible that she wil attend as well. keep strong, by taking care of you you can take care of each other. good luck. jamie

dx, mdd, severe borderline personality disorder.

well, we got in another fight and she went to her parents house with my stepdaughter. i actually feel pretty good considering. i called my best friend and he came over and we talked about everything that has been going on. he didnt know about any of what was going on until now.

Andy, I'm in the same boat. My wife can't accept my depression despite many meds I have tried and some counselling. I haven't had sex for way longer than you, it hurts your self es teem. But You have been just diagnosed and get help. Try to educate yourself and your wife-this can be a real challenge. She must realize that this is not a quick fix like flipping on a switch or something. Just because multiple meds have not helped me doesn't mean one can help you- but I would talk to a doc to see how severe your depression is and go from there. I know how you feel brother.

Why would you feel that doing things for her would make you look weak? What kind of things? Why can't you stand up to her and how does she put you into a situation where you feel the need to stand up to her? Just curious I guess.

Karen

i should note hboy. ive not yet been officially diagnosed with any type of depression, but have an appt with my family practitioner on monday of next week, and an appt with a psychologist on wed. So its possible im just being a complete crybaby with all of this. Sure ive noticed many things im feeling that fall in with depression, but its not diagnosed. Thanks for everyones input.

Thanks Karen, thats exactly how i feel. I guess with how insecure ive been, im worried that these things i need to do for our family will be taken the wrong way. My mind just gets to racing and i cant help but think of the worst things possible. Like the way ive become less secure, and i glanced at her web history and noticed she was searching her professors name and i immediately come to the conclusion that she must be cheating on me. I feel really nuts sometimes. Today has actually been really good though, ive been able to laugh at work and i think some of the stuff ive been doing has really helped. Such as eating better and drinking more water, i took the dogs for a nice long walk and took a nice shower, and having somewhere to vent like oh here. Sometimes those things dont even seem important, then when i get to do them it can make a world of difference. Right now i feel like everything will work out, but who knows, later on ill likely think our marriage is over and ill never be happy again.

thanks a lot lucky lindy. youve hit the nail on the head. i think im standing up to her at the wrong times. it used to be when we were first together she wouldnt think of walking on me. she wouldnt dare. but she had an ectopice pregnancy and i started to help more than i had and when she came out of the funk she was in after that, i didnt change, she started walking on me and i felt worse. she was less attracted to me and everything snowballed. i just sent her an email telling her how i was going to make it a point to get off my tail and start doing things and she didnt have to respond. i just realized theres nothing i can do to MAKE her like me again. i need to like and love myself. the only thing i worry about is becoming more selfish as that has been something ive been forever. ive got alot of work but today i feel like it will all be worth it.

Update. Ive felt pretty good the last couple days but I feel like i could have a breakdown at any second here. She told me a few months ago she wished i would "take charge". i thought that was fair. I never really care what goes on and never really tell her i want to do something. starting to be more active i think has helped, so i shot her an email today telling her i thought we should go do something, bowling, putt putt, pumpkin patch, when i got off work. She told me she was tired and didnt want to do anything and i told her she had worked pretty hard this week on school as she had 2 tests, and we both needed to get out. She said fine to the pumpkin patch and i was actually pretty excited. I got home and she said she would rather just go out for dinner and do the pumpkin patch tomorrow. i said that was fine with me and i felt a little defeated. i cant help but feel weak, and when i tell her i want to do something i feel like im being a jerk. we put our daughter to bed and we talked for a little bit. we talked more today than we have since last weeks breakdown. she wanted to do some reading and i came down to sit on the couch. i went upstairs and she was sleeping and then got on here. this place has helped so much. you guys give me a place to say how i feel without having to look like a weakling in front of her. thank you to everyone who has replied.

Did you go out to dinner? I hope so. And to the pumpkin patch tomorrow. That would be cool. Just because the plans got changed, dont' be down. At least you still got out together. And will again tomorrow.

Hugs, Karen

Hi Shilo,

Welcome to HealingWell and the depression forum. And thank you for the link. Though I do not recommend anybody taking prescription medications to start taking herbal remedies without talking to their doctor first. Some herbs don't mix with medications.

Are you suffering from depression at this time or have the herbs helped you. I have a few friends that see naturopathic doctors and are doing well. I think that it depends on what is right for that particular person. Everybody is different in that way. What works for some doesn't always work for another.

Do tell us more about yourself. If you want to, you are welcome to start thread of your own with an introduction telling us a little about yourself. If not, you are welcome to chime in on other threads that interest you.

Best wishes,

Karen