Baby stepping through thorns to get to the lilies

Hi there,

I can relate to some of what you are probably feeling. I remember being about four years old and singing a song I often did to my mother: "Mommy do you love me?" All I remember is her getting mad at me and me not hearing her say she loved me. My mom was a very unhappy lady. I felt like an orphan growing up between her and my absentee father. Aaaanyway...

There is healing. For me, it has centred around my faith. I became a christian when I was 18 and learned about forgiveness. I began to forgive my parents while at the same time they began to change. But what really got me through was understanding that God loves me. I figure someone had to be right and someone had to be wrong. What I mean is the way I see it my parents were wrong in treating me like I was not worth much because the Creator of the universe in my opinion has the final word and all the evidence I have found points to the fact that this Being does love me. So for me that changed everything in terms of how I felt about myself and as I developed a relationship with God I was able to have some of my needs for unconditional love and protection etc. met there as opposed to still needing my parents to fill those needs.

I also had repressed memories. I had signs of having been abused as a kid but no memories at all till my late twenties. At htat time I went through something very traumatic that shook things up and the memories began to come back in pieces. Journaling helped me the most and again, my faith. I did do some therapy. If you go that route, make sure you find a therapist you are comfortable with and perhaps ask around to find someone that comes recommended. The therapy I had - well, some was good, but some actually set me back. In the end, we know what we need, and others need to be there to support us in our journeys, rather than push their own ideas on us. A good therapist will simply facilitate things to make the journey easier, providing a safe place to unload and look at ways to process things together with you.

I noticed your post shows you suffer from young onset parkinsons. You might want to do some research on COQ10. From what I was told taking this in large amounts is a safe and very effective way to control symptoms of parkinsons (according to an aquaintance I know from the local health store.) Might be worth looking into?

In any case, I hope you will enjoy posting here. This is a wonderful forum with lots of great people who care and support one another.

all the best,

embers

manyembers,

it seems as though we have a bit in common. I am a Christian as well. I have forgiven those who have abused me, though it doesn't erase the memories. I know talking through these will help me overcome a lot of embarassment, and maybe help me make a future spouse aware of my history without it becoming a guerilla in the room.

I have all the love I need, its a matter of how to process, how to handle or manage some of these tougher memories... if there's any habit or specific area of trust I can expect issues with. I am more curious to hear how others have handled this type of abuse, get ideas, see what I can afford and maybe even think outside the box a little bit.

Thanks,
Prozac_99