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Posted 5/10/2010 9:50 AM (GMT 0)
Hey again everyone. I got out basically all my story in my first big posting, and thank you to everyone who took the time to read and reply, or would possibly take the time to read it after reading this. I do feel somewhat better after getting many of those things off my chest...but now they are just in my hands. I am still unsure as to whether I am really depressed, AD/HD predominantly inattentive, just unusual and unfortunate, feeling the side effect of chronic pain, or some combination thereof. I know that seeing a therapist would help and I have been considering it more and more over the past week, but I think that step is a few past where I am right now. I'm just hoping that someone reading can help me sort this out in any way, in any respect, and in relation to any one of my many situations. Thanks again for reading my posts and I hope to hear from as many as would be willing.


P.S. This is to neverbetter if your reading, there doesn't seem to be a way to get a hold of anyone on this site, so if you wanted to I'd definitely not mind talking to someone sharing so many interests. I have my email listed in my profile and able to view, so drop me a line sometime if you wanted, hope to hear from you. That also goes out to anyone really.

Post Edited (-Misunderstood-) : 5/10/2010 4:59:25 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 5/10/2010 12:49 PM (GMT 0)
hi, jamie here, sorry that i haven't replied. been ultra busy. feeding a ladies animals up the road for 5 days,(she has been in hospital) walking her dog and mine plus my next door neighbours 2 dogs as well. been painting my house, had a few days off. trying to keep up with my chores as well.

my suggestion is to instill your guteral instincts and go into therapy. without it (me) i would not have understood me, my behaviours, and why i did this and that. it also gave me free expression to speak candidly about myself, thus i opened up and released a lot of internal and mental pain. i am always around, thus keep posting. i send healing thoughts your way. with compassion, jamie.

Posted 5/10/2010 1:37 PM (GMT 0)
HI there,

My email is always open too. So feel free to email me if you ever want to talk.

Hope that you are feeling better.

Best wishes,

Hugs, Karen
Posted 5/11/2010 10:00 AM (GMT 0)
I do appreciate the replys, don't me wrong, but I am desperately hoping for someone that has experienced similar problems relating to IQ and possibly AD/HD, I know that going to a doctor would be the best thing at the moment, but along with my personal wants to put that off I also do not have insurance or the money to do it...so that is why I am hoping for some real answers here if possible. I was feeling some relief from the initial post but I have not really made any sort of logical (or otherwise) progress with the problem. Please if anyone has some insight, I need a hand.
Posted 5/11/2010 10:15 AM (GMT 0)
Have you checked into any programs through mental health that might be able to help you with the cost. There is often a sliding scale in some places. Call and explain your situation and see if they can help you. Also the department of human services often has programs. And of course keep posting here. We are here to help in any way that we can.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 5/12/2010 4:10 AM (GMT 0)
i am familiar with spectrum disorders. my brother has a 1% learning disability. my youngest bro was dx with autisum spectrum disorder as well. i worked, as a volunteer for 7 yrs teaching fine and gross motor development skills for young people with complex disabilities. i was at uni doing a bachelor of applied science, disability studies as well. i have worked with young people, tutoring, some with ADD, and some with ADHD. english mainly. so what is your question? i will endeavour to do my best to answer. let me know. cheers, jamie.
Posted 5/15/2010 8:07 AM (GMT 0)
Hey again, we chatted a while ago...

I'm feeling less depressed now, and while this has no professional merit, what helped me was showing my emotions to my close loved ones (and everyone else for that matter.) Are you being honest about all of your feelings to those that are closest to you? I realize I'm probably comparing apples and oranges, but for my depression and qualms with society, I basically began to slowly feel better after feeling the love of others.
I accepted that for days I wouldn't feel happiness and in waiting long enough, happiness returned.
I accepted that I would feel alone and always misunderstand others as they would me.
I accepted the cruelty and ugliness in the world, but found beauty where reason was missing: the love of my family, fiance, & friends. They saw me through my darkest time yet still managed to love me. (What was there to love?) It made no sense to me and through this I found my happiness again.

When we talked, I connected with you because of your insight and through this I felt mildly alive amongst the numbness of depression. As if, so long as I had something new to ponder, a challenging view point to consider, that I could at the least keep myself out of harms way until the feeling that my life did not matter, vanished.

Thanks
Posted 5/16/2010 10:29 AM (GMT 0)
What I would be wondering from you jaime would be whether it seems to you that I am just dysfunctional do to who I am or if I am possibly suffering from AD/HD, but with it having always been compensated by other factors.

Hey there again zip, thanks for leaving another message...I have been falling back into a darker kind of place in the past few days, I had a night or two of drinking with an association of mine that is much more prone to drinking. Even though I know I will have a hangover...it is a sensation reducer and I have been having such a time recently that I have opted for the hangover rather than the alternative of present pain...so it was nice to see another reply, maybe I wasn't as forgotten as I feel. I do think that sharing things with close family and friends will definitely help...but sometimes, with some things, even with family, I feel uncomfortable and misunderstood. I am however very glad that our speaking may have helped you somewhat to, if nothing else, forget your problems for a short time. I have also come to the point where I am distracting myself as much as I can to avoid the pain, whether it be mental or physical, and I too lose myself in thought on many subjects. I guess one of my many realizations recently is that even at my young age...the only parts that work really well still are my mind and my mouth, lol, so I need to work with what is still not broken basically. My body is beyond where any 24 year old should be dealing with...and now that I think of it, kinda the same thing with my mind. I've never been my age in my mind and most certainly am not now in body due to all the injuries, with that realization...the only "out" that I think is to look for connection with anyone I can (if its on the internet or in real life) and just enjoy the parts of myself that I feel I can at the moment, and work on the ones I'm not at that point with yet.

One of my more favorite bands for musical value and also lyrical insight is Dream Theater. A few songs that I listen to often that I think explain my inner thoughts are called "These Walls" and "Misunderstood", which I will paste the lyrics to in this post, might help a little to show where I am coming from.

Dream Theater's "These Walls", Lyrics: John Petrucci


This is so hard for me
To find the words to say
My thoughts are standing still

Captive inside of me
All emotions start to hide
And nothing's getting through

Watch me
Fading
I'm losing
All my instincts
Falling into darkness

Tear down these walls for me
Stop me from going under
You are the only one who knows
I'm holding back

It's not too late for me
To keep from sinking further
I'm trying to find my way out
Tear down these walls for me now

So much uncertainty
I don't like this feeling
I'm sinking like a stone

Each time I try to speak
There's a voice I'm hearing
And it changes everything

Watch me
Crawl from
The wreckage
Of my silence
Conversation
Failing

Tear down these walls for me
Stop me from going under
You are the only one who knows
I'm holding back

It's not too late for me
To keep from sinking further
I'm trying to find my way out
Tear down these walls

Every time you choose to turn away
Is it worth the price you pay
Is there someone who will wait for you
One more time
One more time

Watch me
Fading
I'm losing
All my instincts
Falling into darkness

Tear down these walls for me
Stop me from going under
You are the only one who knows
I'm holding back

It's not too late for me
To keep from sinking further
I'm trying to find my way out
Tear down these walls for me now

Tear down these walls for me
It's not too late for me
Tear down these walls for me


And the second song is "Misunderstood", also by Dream Theater with lyrics by John Petrucci.

Waiting
In the calm of desolation
Wanting to break
From this circle of confusion

Sleeping
In the depths of isolation
Trying to wake
From this daydream of illusion

How can I feel abandoned even when the world surrounds me
How can I bite the hand that feeds the strangers all around me
How can I know so many
Never really knowing anyone

If I seem superhuman
I have been
Misunderstood

It challenges the essence of my soul
And leaves me in a state of disconnection
As I navigate the maze of self control

Playing a lion being led to a cage
I turn from a thief to a beggar
From a god to God save me

How can I feel abandoned even when the world surrounds me
How can I bite the hand that feeds the strangers all around me
How can I know so many
Never really knowing anyone

If I seem superhuman
I have been
Misunderstood

Playing a lion being led to a cage
I turn from surreal to seclusion
From love to disdain
From belief to delusion
From a thief to a beggar
From a god to God save me

How can I feel abandoned even when the world surrounds me
How can I bite the hand that feeds the strangers all around me
How can I know so many
Never really knowing anyone

If I seem superhuman
I have been
Misunderstood
Posted 5/16/2010 11:16 AM (GMT 0)
from reading this post and the lyrics i feel you have just answered your own question. albeit this does not mean that this is all encompassing, by this i mean you are who you are, as i am. we are in theory the sum of many parts. all the best, jamie.

so my answer to your question is.......life is a journey, thus 3 things are definiative, birth, decay and death. in esscence we all go through this, we are born, we decay, (being sickness) and eventually we die, thus live life to the best of your abilities. i wish you well.

yes to the formal question. last bit. first part.......no. a bit like defining 'normal' as is 'dysfunctional'. dys, functional-we all function, the dys, well that is me most days!!!! be you, be true and luv you. you are a human being, and any decay needs to be managed.

with compassion,

jamie.

 

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