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This is my story, is it even worth being upset about?

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Posted 5/17/2010 2:46 AM (GMT 0)

Hi!

My name is Ariel. I have had alot happen to me and I found this website after going onto google and typing "free help".  I'm scared. I think that depression is something that is controlling my life now. about 5 years ago my parents started to go through a divorce. My dad never paid child support and wouldn't pay for anything me and my brother needed to survive. Then, about 4 years ago, I watched my father drown trying to safe my brother. I wanted therapy then but my mom is an alcoholic and she is never sober enough to truly listen. Ever since I was little, I had to mature alot faster and deal with things normal people didn't. I would go to my father's house and see him with his disgusting girlfriend and then I would go home and deal with my mother's verbally abusive boyfriend. He hates my brothers guts. He actually physically hurt my brother and my mom and only went to jail for my mom. But, she brought him right back and now I completely hate him. Also on top of that, my dad's girlfriend was 3 months pregnant with my half brother when my father died and I found out 3 weeks after he died. But, my mom won't let me see my own brother because she hates my father's girlfriend. So, now he is 4 years old and I have only seen him a few times. I have also lost alot more people. My great grandma died of heart failure, my friend died from a car accident, my family friend died of cancer, my cheer coach also died of cancer, and I lost one of the most important people in my life, my grandma to cancer as well. So as you can see, I saw alot of people slowly dying from cancer. It's hard to be happy anymore. I'm sorry if I seem selfish because I bet people have had far worse but I can't feel happy anymore. I also was in a long distance relationship with a boy and I'm completely in love with him and twice he tried to leave because he said he wasn't in love with me anymore but then would appoligize later about it. That hurt quite a bit because he is someone very close to me. I don't know if anybody wants to help me, and if you do then thank you for helping. I am running out of resources and I do really want someone to talk to.

Posted 5/17/2010 5:16 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Ariel

I just want to put my arms around you and hug you. Are you still at school? Are there counsellors there that perhaps can help you? If you're not at school then is there some sort of counselling you can get that is free and the government pay for? I'm sorry I don't know your system over there and I am really struggling to offer you some advice where to go.

The fact you have grown up in a dysfunctional environment is enough to see that you need help, let alone that you saw your father drown while saving your brother, that must have been horrific. Somebody has to help you, somebody who lives in your country will know how to help you, just hang in there and stay on this site, they will answer your call for help.


I am thinking of you so badly and like I said I just want to put my arms around both you and your brother.

Don't worry too much about your boyfriend, time will work that one out for you. If it doesn't work out the way you want then there is someone much better for you out there, that I am sure of. Just hang in there sweetheart.

You are in my prayers.
Posted 5/17/2010 1:04 PM (GMT 0)
Welcome to the forum. You have come to a good place with many caring members.

Boy you sure have been through a lot at such a young age. It somehow doesn't seem fair. But I guess some of us have to deal with a lot more than others. This will eventually make you strong. And you will carry that strength with you for the rest of your life.

Keep posting and let us know how things are going. We aer here to support you hon. You are a strong young lady who grew up in difficult circumstances. Things will get better for you. You are a good person.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 5/17/2010 4:31 PM (GMT 0)
yes you are a good person. things will get better, am here for you. with compassion, jamie.

blessings to you. harrington49, am touched by your support and kindness to ariel. jamie.

Posted 5/17/2010 6:25 PM (GMT 0)
Ariel, My best wishes go out to you... I can imagine that you are feeling terribly overwhelmed--the loss that you have experienced alone would bring anyone to their knees; let alone someone as young as you. Are there any grief support groups in your area? There are mental health organizations that can help you find one that is affordable/free. If there is a hospice in your hometown--they can <also> be a valuable source. No matter, you need to know that you are not alone... You may not be able to count on family, or your boyfriend to help you through this, but do not give up, keep reaching deep inside and find the strength & courage to carry on... Keep posting, there are kindred souls here, just waiting to embrace you... take care, L
Posted 5/18/2010 5:27 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Ariel

If you look on the top of the Depression page in Depression Resources there are a whole lot of numbers for the US that might help you. I hope so.

How are you feeling today, you brave gorgeous girl? I have been thinking about you a lot and your brother as well and I included you in my prayers last night.

Try some of those numbers, I am sure you will get some help.
Posted 5/19/2010 4:13 PM (GMT 0)

Hello!

First off I would love to thank everyone who wrote something back. I felt the need to cry because I'm so happy atleast someone is out there that cares and wants to get information. So, I'll be answering some of everyones questions. I am still in school, and I am 17 years old. So, as  you can see it's alittle hard to actually get some help because of my age. I did go to my school counselor and she told me I had to get my mother's permission in order to see a phychologist that comes to the school. She stated that she would try to get ahold of my mom for me since half the time I am home, my mom's gone or drunk. And a few days later my counselor told me that my mom was ignoring her calls and that she left messages on her phone and my house phone. And, when ever I would get home, I found that my mom or her boyfriend had erased them. It's alittle harder to actually get help without my mom's permisson. And people said I should go to Social Services to get help since my mom is not doing her job. But, when my Grandma was alive, she tried to get custody of me and my brother after my mom's boyfriend was sent to jail the second time and they didn't do anything. They turned my Grandma down 4 times and I'm scared that if I went to Social Services they would turn me down too. So, I am still trying to find other ways of help the best that I can without the worry about my mother's permisson.

Also, someone asked if there was a grief group. There is one at my school just ment for kids who lost a parent or sibling. That does help at times, but sometimes it doesn't because we are only allowed a certain time to be able to have this group and half the time people don't get to talk about how they really feel. But, that is one thing that I am still in.

Another question that was asked was how things were going now. As of last night, they are terrible. My mother and her boyfriend got into another fight and my mom ran into the bathroom crying and I stayed with her to see what was the matter. The problem was actually kinda sad. We have a family of 5 living with us right now because they don't have money to live anywhere else and plus the father has cancer. And I guess my mom's boyfriend yelled at the man living with us telling him that he is living his life all wrong and should be angry. Then my mom's boyfriend told her that he thought they were disgusting people and didn't want them in HIS home. My mom's boyfriend is probably one of the meanest human beings that I have ever known. He doesn't care about my brother which is obvious because he is verbally abusive to him. And he is lazy and can be kinda babish. He doesn't have a job and is living on welfare and he still thinks he is better then everyone else. It's because of him that I would really love to leave my own home and live on my own. Granted I would hate to leave my brother is this situation but it's so hard to live in a house that is full of screaming and that is it.

And my mom has tried to get help for herself, ever since I was 10 years old, she has been in and out of the mental health unit. But, everytime she is put into there she gets herself out and doesn't continue with the meds she should be. She is also Bi polar and that gets hard to watch. She has panic attacks and sometimes I have to watch her to make sure she doesn't stop breathing. This is another reason why I believe I need real help. I had a panic attack once because my mom's boyfriend was pushing her around and I heard everything. The cops came and then I had my attack and I was sent to the hospital. The counselor there talked to me one on one and said he believed I was in deep depression and if I didn't get help I would turn into my mom, I would have Bi Polar. I love my mom to death but I would never want to be her. And I wish she would grow up and start parenting me and my brother instead of me being the parent to my brother and her.

Again I would like to thank everyone who sent something back, that really helped so much and I would like to thank anybody who read all of this. It's so nice to know that I can write whatever I need to and that someone out there cares enough to listen....thank you! :-)

Posted 5/19/2010 8:26 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Beautiful glass,

Thanks for telling your story. I am so sorry to hear that you are in such a violent atmosphere. But you do sound strong. Keep talking with your school counselor. I think she is a good source of support for you. And know that we here care too.

Try to take things one day at a time. I am sorry that your mom's boyfriend is the way that he is. And that he made the people that are staying with you feel bad. Is it a family? You said that one of them has cancer. This must be hard for you. But it sounds like you adjust well.

I hope that you are able to concentrate on school. That is so important for you right now. Try to keep your grades up and not let your home life interfere with your learning. It is very important to learn as much as you can right now. Especially if you are thinking about going to college.

Know that we all care about you. Post anytime that you feel like it. I hope that the day gets better for you and that you are happy.

Take care,

Hugs, Karen
Posted 5/22/2010 4:38 PM (GMT 0)
I'd say this is definitely a good place to look for help Ariel, there is no age limit or parent permission :) What you described is more than anyone should have to deal with, and I've personally seen parts of it. I've dealt with a mother who has been addicted to every pill known to man and alcohol since my brother and I were just small kids, trying to wake her up in the middle of the day because she is 100% passed out. I am used to waking up in the morning to my mom being absolutely stupid on pills/alcohol in the early/mid day...far worse at night. It does make you grow up fast, you have serious concerns to deal with that someone your age should not be shouldered with. Remember though that every situation shapes a person, and with every situation you have a choice of a positive or negative personal outcome, or how you "take it". A random Albert Einstein quote comes to mind that might help some, a little tip he has on how to handle things, "...Out of clutter find simplicity; From discord find harmony; In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity." I hope that you can shape things positively in the long run, even though the short is most certainly not ideal. Good luck and Gods Blessings Ariel, I will pray that you find the simplicity, the harmony, and reach the opportunities that you most certainly have waiting for you.


C
Posted 5/26/2010 12:48 PM (GMT 0)
i no how hard it can be with long distance relationships... i was head over heels for my girlfriend but i had to move away for my dads job. we spoke on msn and phoned every now and again. after a year i was having doubts...thinking she would be better off without me and such, i told her all this and she told me she felt the same... we ended it there and then. that was back in december and now im still lovestruck for her. she is all i think about but no matter how bad i feel, i always think shes better off without me. she is better being with someone who can support her and not just through a screen or phone. i no how it feels in that prospect of fear of losing someone close to you that isnt family...

this is probably random and doesnt make sense but what im trying to say is you are not alone with feeling loss, and i like many of the others on this site are here for you to talk to and i hope things pick up for you

Steff
Posted 5/26/2010 2:32 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Ariel,

I cannot believe how much you have going on right now. I agree with everyone else that this is so unfair, but you really do sound so strong. I am glad that you are staying in that grief group. I am so concerned about your living situation. I am bipolar and only drink alcohol now and then (which I shouldn't even do) but bp and alcohol don't mix, so your Mom is definitely in trouble. I just hate how this is affecting you.

Keep reaching out trying for more support in your life. And really do take things one day at a time for yourself.  You can get even more overwhelmed than you already are if you think far ahead (even so much as a week).

Misunderstood was so correct about our experieces good and bad do shape who we are. Being bipolar I have strength unlike most people and when time are so hard I try with everything in me, to hang on. Wondering how often you have panic attacks? They are tough. In fact I have one coming on now...but I have medication to take when one hits.

I wish I had the power to kick your Mom's bf out of the house forever so you would never have to worry about that again. Be safe and don't hesitate to call police if you need to....

I, along with all of us here, am here for you. Many hugs your way,

Mogs.

Posted 5/26/2010 3:51 PM (GMT 0)

Hey!

Since someone has asked about my panic attacks, i'll talk about mine.  I only get them when I am super stressed or if I feel very sad. Like one for example was what my boyfriend said to me one time. He was talking about how he thought his dad was so unfair and that he wished he had never moved in with him. Well I said that he should really be happy to even have a father and that I am stuggling to just deal with not having mine.  He got really quite and I asked what was wrong and all he said was "I want you to stop bringing him up in our conversations, you always bring him up and I'm sick of it." That sparked a panic attack because I was so surprised that he would even say that to me. He knew I was having difficulties with my Dad's passing and then he said that. So I don't get panic attacks very often. But, when I do I really hurt myself at times. These panic attacks suck and for anybody that knows what they are like them I'm sorry you have to deal with them as well.

And here is alittle recap. The people that were living at our house left after spending 6 days at out 3 bedroom house. My mom's drinking problem hasn't gotten better. Last saturday after work (my mom and I work at the same place), she dragged me over the the Legion so she could have one and gamble. If I haven't talked about this yet, my mom is a HUGE gambler. There were times when I would be at a bar with her and she would pop over $200 dollars into a machine and only win about $45. I have no clue if this is her own money she is popping in or my brother and my social security checks. If people don't know this already, when childern lose a parent, they get social security checks given to the remaining parent or guardian as "child support". This money is suppose to go to anything my brother and I need but alot of times when I as my mom to pay for something like Drivers Ed or my ACT test, she tells me she doesn't have enough. But she has enough to gamble. I am 17 right now and I still have my permit because my mom wouldn't pay for Drivers Ed unless I paid for half of it. So my mom is still struggling, even if she doesn't believe.

For my mom's boyfriend, I stopped talking to him all together. The only time I speak to him is when he is yelling at my brother for something dumb. I really have decided that I just hate him. It takes alot for me to hate someone but I do with him. And my mom keeps pulling out that I should like him and respect him because he pays for things and fixes things at home. I don't believe this statement is true and if anybody would like to tell me I'm wrong then you can. Right now he is living off of unemployment so all he does is sit around at home doing nothing and just waiting for the right time to get on my brother.

For my boyfriend, well we got into a really random fight last night. Apparently he is sick of my "emotional instability" within our relationship and he is very impacient for me to get better. He said that he hates doing anything because he thinks I get mad at everything he does. This isn't true and I would like to explain this so maybe someone can help me over come this. I don't get mad at everything he does, just some. He has been telling me day after day that he wont have time for me anymore so if I wanna stay with him I need to get over the fact that I wont see him. I can understand that when he has school things to do or even when he has to work. But now he is making all these extra hang out times with other girls. Its hurts me because instead of making time for us to have some alone time together, he plans other things with other people on his free time. And even when we do get to be together it is constantly with other people and we cant have time just to be alone and talk. He also said last night that he wants the relationship we had before but its not happening.  This kinda confuses me because we have had several different relationships such as a long distance one, one where we were completely in love with eachother, one where we could understand why we didn't love eachother and now this one where we want to be back but its hard to be. I really just wanna be able to have that relationship he wants but I can't get over the fact that he can never make time for me but he can for everything else.  And also the fact that somehow he blames this mess all of me. I'm not the only one that needs to be fixed. I don't know, I wanna be fixed and better so I can make him happy.

Thank you again to everyone who has been supportive. It is doing so much for me right now :-)

Posted 5/26/2010 8:48 PM (GMT 0)
It sounds to me like you are doing quite a good job at figuring this all out and I am glad to hear it. Keep going with the introspective searching and I believe you will come to your conclusions. God bless you and keep on posting wink

Post Edited (-Misunderstood-) : 5/26/2010 2:52:14 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 5/28/2010 10:36 PM (GMT 0)
Hello Beautiful Glass, My heart goes out to you. It makes me so sad reading all of the stuff ur going through. Please get some councelling.

Am worried for you. I also understand ur panic attacks as ive been having them since i was 12 yrs old and am now 42yrs old and it is the most frightening thing that can happen to a person. I truly feel ur pain.

Stay safe and get some help my darling.......

 

regard's.

 

beverley........   xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Posted 5/29/2010 11:03 AM (GMT 0)
wishing you all the best, jamie.

ps, hi beverly. look forward to hearing from you!! take care, jamie.

Posted 5/30/2010 6:52 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Ariel, I'm Vickey, I'm also new here, but when I read your story I started crying, it brought back alot of bad memories for me, and my heart just goes out to you! I just want to wrap my arms around you and take you and your brother out of there! Being 17 you have sure had your share of heartache, and I really admire you for reaching out for help on your own! As for your boyfriend...your young and you have your whole life ahead of you, there are other fish in the sea so to say, you need someone who will love you unconditionally and support you in every way possible! Believe me, I've been there, countless times! I would like to share alittle of my childhood with you in hopes that somehow it may help you...My birthmother decided that she didn't want me when I was born so she gave me up for adoption, she already had 4 kids, I was #5, then she had 4 more after me, but I was the only one she gave up! I was adopted when I was 3 days old to a couple that had lost 3 babies due to the fact that there lungs wouldn't develop, then they lost 2 more after they got me. My mom worked all the time in a factory, my dad was a farmer and drank all the time! When I was 2 was dad was suppose to be watching me, of course he was drunk, and I got jumped by a german shepard dog who ripped out my right eye, I was in surgery for 16 hours and had two surguries after that, great dad huh? well as a child I could never have any friends over cause we never knew what kind of shape he was in, it was nothing to come home and see him laying in the floor, passed out, he would use the bathroom all over hisself, absolutely sick! As the years went on, it only got worse. When I was about 15 my mom and I came home from town to find my dad in bed with a black trash bag tied around his head, he had already started turning blue...this is just a example of the many many things that happened through the years...alot of abuse, verbally and physical abuse to my mom, only verbal abuse to me, but boy it sure could make a person crazy! I had my dad put in rehab 2 times, but you cant help someone that cant help themself!!! If you get nothing more out of this, just understand that it's not your fault! I'm 48 now and my dad has been gone for 7 years now...I loved him dearly but it was a blessing when he passed, a huge load was lifted of me, because my parents hated each other, blamed each other for the loss of 5 babies and on and on...constant yelling and screaming...so Ariel I do feel for you! As for you boyfriend...like I said you need someone to support you not make your life more complicated! Also remember, that when someone lives in these kinds of conditions, sometimes thats all they know. What I'm saying is I've been divorced twice now, my counslor told me that I had fell into a pattern of finding men like my dad...one's that drank all the time, abusive etc. My last husband went and got drunk and was using drugs on top of it, came home one night and beat me bad...I took me 3 days to get to the phone for help and ended up in the hospital for 10 days, they released me to my cousin because she was a RN, I really thought I was going to die! All I'm saying sweetie is you need someone that's not going to give you grief but support, and they are out there! I have a wonderful man now, I'm happier than I've ever been!
Please keep your chin up, walk tall, and take care of you! Your in my thoughts and prayers!
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