family past issues

I have had family issues most my life and I dont seem to be able to forgive them for everything but i have got to the point now that i want to forgive to try and get myself back from the tragedy of being kicked out and disowned and stuff like that...I just need some help but i dont make enough money to pay for counselers and i just need huge advice on how to forgive and get myself back...please help me

Hey RockerChick, I'm sorry you're going through that right now. Just so you know, I am not going to just say go to free/cheap counseling, I am working myself towards being one myself and I would like to help, if you would have it. I have not dealt personally with parent problems of that nature, but I have had a sort of loss of my mother from her use of pills and alcohol. Nothing of what you went through was easy...but you yourself said your father did have anger issues at the time. It is no excuse for the actions, but at least you know why it happened...and that gives you a good chance to forgive him. Everyone makes mistakes, we all well know, and we would all appreciate the chance of forgiveness. Your mom, also, may or may not have cared as little as it seemed to you...people are influenced by others quite a lot, and the anger problems your dad was dealing with may have been a very large part of her keeping quiet.

You also might consider the reasons for the contention between you and your family. If you review everything, examine yourself, and come to the conclusion that it was really just that your father was going through an anger problem, please try to forgive them. If after you really think about it and find that maybe you had been not acting as you should, don't be angry with yourself...or feel regret and hopelessness, because that is the realization you need to make things right. Growing as a person, I think, is all about realizations. If you come to the conclusion that it may have been you, all you need to do is look forward and be what you know you should be. Hehe be happy in either occasion because you have realized the problem AND the solution all at the same time! Give yourself a chance to forgive...give them the chance of forgiveness, make things as you know they should be and feel no regret for the past, for it is exactly that, past and gone. I hope the best for you and I also that this helped to some degree. Please keep posting if you'd like, and I will keep replying :)


Chrsitian

Post Edited (-Misunderstood-) : 5/24/2010 9:42:36 AM (GMT-6)

Well I just feel like my mom stabbed me i the back but i just recently turned 19 and being a natural daddys girl it hurt like no other I'd never had a real good realtionship with my mom ever because my moms side of the family has always been full of drama...my grandmother and grandfather divorced when my mom and my uncle were in their kids years and my grandparents always had a hatred towards each other.

There has always been drama if you talked to one or the other like if i talked to my grandmother my grandfather would get mad and vica versa but it got even worse when my uncle got divorced maybe 4 or 5 years ago and then we defenitly could have a realitionship with our grandfather (me and my younger brother) it hurt us alot through our childhood that our mom kept us away from seeing him like if he sent something we would never get it...and that was really tough to get yelled at or looked down upon for wanting a realtionship with our grandfather i mean on my dads side our grandfather died in 2001 so we were just trying to you know have one that kinda was like him.

But since i got kicked out my mom and her mom (my grandmother) has been starting drama where i work and where i work is a grocery store and they would just come in to harass me and crap about not talking to them or my father....and i got sick of it because they would call for my hours just to do this and i changed my number too becauase they would call me and even my own grandmother came into work to tell me i was fat...and i was all like ok because i couldnt be mean at work and they know that so that why they do it and now everytime my dad gets sick they blame me for not talk to him (my mother and grandmother)...and thats bull so like my dad hasnt really started anything since so i think thats why i always was a daddys girl becuase all my moms side was was drama .....

but this has alll changed me for the worst i feel because i used to be this sweet nice and friendly to everyone girl and now im kinda like a in your face girl and a ***** because i feel like i have to be on my toes so that doesnt happen again...so i just want my old me back and cant afford conseling at all with all the bills i pay on my own....so im just looking for help to find me


p.s. sorry so long and thanks for caring it means alot guys :)

I would have to agree with getting by about the necessity to cut ties sometimes, it is not always preferable, but sometimes its the right thing to do at the time. It is also just as possible to forgive someone as it is to forgive them AND create a distance for your own well being . You just have to draw that line for yourself, you give them a chance, and another, and another maybe, but eventually you have to make the choice of whether it would be better for you to just back off from them for a time. I hope that you find a way to communicate with them, and that it doesn't have to come to that, but it is still alright if it does. Time heals many wounds they say, and I add that time also reveals many personal wrongs...gives you a clearer picture of what you were actually doing. I'd hope that with time your grandmother, or whoever it is that is troubling you, will realize their own wrongdoing and be good enough to admit it. May God give you strength to sort these things out, and know that we are here for you, any questions or problems you have, I will (at least vainly) do my best to help with.


Christian

Sure you can heal. And you can move on. Whether they are there or not. You just have to believe in yourself. You might do better if they are not around. I did. My life was totally different when I wasn't around my family. So I can understand that. Commit to yourself. Think of what it is that you want and just do it. It is that easy. You have to think of yourself first, and you wont be being selfish if you do. You will be being practical.

Best wishes to you.

Hugs, Karen

because im struggling real hard for money even tho iwould love to go to counselor and i feel i have to to get as better as i want to be. i just hope this site can help me enough to where i dont need anything else to heal because i alreay went through just a little of it and already feel a little bit more like myself... :)

Hi RockerChick

Karen is so right, of course you can heal. I think staying away from your family for a while is probably the best thing for now. Similar to Karen, I had a lot of stuff happening with my mother and sisters so I put some distance between us too and it certainly helped me.

Their behaviour is wrong, going into your workplace and making a scene and calling you names makes me angry.

I am glad that you have gone onto the Moodygym site and that it is helping you a little, that is good.

Keep posting and let us know how you are going.

Hi there,

It is so great to hear that the site is helping you. This really makes my day worth it. Thank you Rockerchick2009. You don't know how good this makes me feel.

Hugs, Karen

Hi Rockerchick

Yes that is pretty normal, sometimes you feel like you are going one forward and two back. But you will pick up, especially if you can get the counselling and keep doing the exercises from the site.

Good luck, I look forward to reading how you are going.

Well i called the place and next week ill be getting in for appointments and it didnt cost as much as i thought it would it will only be like 50 dollars so im kinda happy that im getting by that cheep and when i do not always have the best days i just write in the dairy i keep which the site recommened for me so im doing that and that helps me get through that so right now everything is doing ok and i will continue to keep you guys posted.

well next week I will be getting appointments set up with some counselors and im so excited i called them today.... yay :)

*hugs* Just know you are never alone, never without options, and never without a caring ear, I hope your appointment goes wonderfully and you can take a relieving deep breath for the first time in a while. I wish you only good fortune and let us know how the appointment went, I myself am going to finally see a therapist today as well, a veeeeeeeeeeery big step for me, so I know how it is :).



Christian

Hi there,

There was one other one that might be working now.  It was off for a while.

http://www.ecouch.anu.edu/welcome

I hope that this helps.\

Hugs, karen

www.livinglifetothefull.com