I'm not sure how to describe this..

I'm having a bit of mental breakdown today.  It started with the orthodontist basically wiring my mouth shut because of a lower jaw problem I have.  I know, this doesn't seem like a big deal, but... I'm trying to OVERCOME my quietness, and this isn't helping me at all! Plus, I've already had ortho work done for two years prior to this, and had to start it back up this year...

I guess my problem is that my doctors are telling me to STAY AWAY from stressors that can cause a relapse (which is what I'm having right now, obviously), but EVERYTHING around me is a stressor! Getting up in the morning is a stressor! Simply calling someone or going to the store is a stressor! I get stressed about everything, and the situation today just reminded me of everything.  Not to mention the pain... And the stiffness that I'm already getting in my jaw, making it even harder to talk.

I used to love to sing.  I was in a musical last year, and ever since then I've tried to keep my voice strong even though it still got weak because I didn't talk a lot.  And now... Now I can't even open my stupid mouth to sing!  And I'm supposed to be getting ready for college, and music, of course, is going to be a big part of my life there.

Sorry for this rant.. I just can't stop crying (which is hard to do when you can barely open your mouth), and I'm trying to stay away from being alone with my thoughts. Actually, I'm scared of being alone with my thoughts.  You guys don't even have to leave a comment if you don't want to, it's enough just to write these things down.

Thanks.

Hey there Neverbetter, I certainly don't claim to have all the answers, but I might at least have some small insight into the issue. First of all, having ones jaw wired shut...is NOT a small deal, that is a mentally and physically taxing event, and it's not a problem to admit to the fact that is IS a problem. Also the fact that you are trying to become more vocal and outgoing, I dont think, will be changed much by the wiring. It will obviously make talking difficult for the immediate time being, but by no means will it impair you forever, just as long as the healing takes. I am sure that you are able to bounce back, jumping right back into your singing. I know all too well how constant pain can seem like an overwhelming force, something that you can do nothing against. It truthfully though is something that just is... it may not be able to be changed, but you CAN have an influence on how you deal with it. You WILL be able to sing again, you will be able to get back to what you love after the procedure is finished, it might just take some patience. Also, your doctor telling you to avoid stressors is just his way of vainly saying something that he thinks may help. One can never avoid all stressors, it is impossible, but you CAN effect your personal involvement in the stress. If it is really going to negatively effect your health, then by all means cut as much stress out as you can, as is actually possible, and with all the rest that is left you need to view it in the best possible light. Getting down on yourself, harboring negative feelings of yourself, and thinking that you cannot do it is definitely normal for most, but I am telling you now, it is not true or correct. You do have the strength to make it, you will be able to have the patience to wait out the procedure until you can start singing again, and when you come to that point you will just laugh at how hopeless you felt at the time. There is no problem or weakness in crying, I find myself in similar situations probably more often than I would prefer to admit...but you have to get that unneeded feeling out somehow, and if crying is it then there is absolutely no problem. Just realize that you arent without hope, support, or a promising future. Keep moving forward, putting the past where it belongs, and taking every situation with the best light. I know you can get through this Neverbetter, and it was not a rant, believe in yourself and in God and you will find a way.



Christian

No need for a longer reply my friend, I am nothing but happy to hear how you are feeling now. I'd wager also that this feeling will continue, will grow, and branch into parts of your life that you may not have even known needed the attention. Hehe, He works in extremely mysterious ways sometimes, you never know what part of your life will be touched, your job is just to be there and realize when it happens. He will give you the strength if you but ask, it is an honestly free gift...sitting just within reach, all you have to "do" is to not deny it. I'm glad your feeling better and will be even more so with the knowledge that it will continue and snowball into something even better.


P.S. You may very well look back and realize the lack of necessity in feeling as you were, but if you can realize THAT fact NOW...then technically you do not have to wait and look back, you can just stop now and realize the truth...


Christian

Post Edited (-Misunderstood-) : 5/27/2010 6:39:56 AM (GMT-6)