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DISCONNECTION - Hello is anyone there?

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Depression
Do you feel disconnected from the world around you?
Always - 40.0% - 2 votes
Quite often - 20.0% - 1 votes
Occasionally - 20.0% - 1 votes
No - 20.0% - 1 votes
Never - 0.0% - 0 votes
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Posted 6/8/2010 1:51 AM (GMT 0)

IT IS A SAD WORLD WE LIVE IN- When you realise you could dissapear of the radar for weeks perhaps even months before anyone became concerned for your safety.When the police would eventually notify your family of your absense not the other way around. Where they would be able to offer no insight as they don't bother to keep in touch. They are too obliviously involved in their inner family sanctom to think about the well being and emotional health of anyone else.

Your friends may notice the lack of response to txt  but it would not raise immediate concerns, It is not the first time that it has taken a while for you too respond, lives are so busy.

You can go weeks without actually hearing the spoken words of anyone but tele markerters, debt collectors and govt organisations.

 Where people can die in their homes and lie there alone for years without anyone noticing, because their bills get paid automatically. Where were their families? Where  were the people they connected with over their lives the ones they loved, they bore and raised or those whos lives they touched, when their final moments came. Fancy hovering over your own body indefinately waiting for just 1 person to shed a tear for you. Too bad if you had unfinished business to take care of before you could rest. How do you make an appointment with someone when your dead whom in life was too busy to notice that you were alive and struggling.

I feel so disconnected with the world as if I am just watching the lives of others on TV and not actually connected with them by flesh, blood and friendship. It is no ones fault really or maybe it is I don't know. It is easy to get distracted and lose track of time.

I hate where I live with no support network, family or friends at hand, in my Family Court imposed barless cell.

I hate who I have become. I no longer even bother to try as no one seems to notice either way.

Its like the old addage- If a tree falls deep in the woods, Does it make a sound?  Make all the noise you like but if no one is listening did a whispered word even pass your lips?

Does anyone feel like this?- How do I move beyond this when it is true, that after 38 years of being a honest, caring, giving human being I now sit here alone, disconnected and lost. confused

Posted 6/8/2010 2:15 AM (GMT 0)
this is exactly how i feel.
Posted 6/8/2010 2:15 AM (GMT 0)
this is exactly how i feel.
Posted 6/8/2010 2:31 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you so much for your reply it makes me feel not quite so alone in the world.
Posted 6/8/2010 2:34 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Time2live and K Weezy

Both of you have found a great support site here. We care, please don't ever doubt that. I agree with you Time2live that it is very sad that someone can just die and nobody knows, notices or cares. Sadly that is a reflection of our society today and it appears to be the same the world over.

Are you seeing a doctor for your depression? Are you taking any meds? (this is for both of you). I think you should see your doctor straight away if you are not already under care. Are there any hobbies you could do? Could you volunteer some time helping somewhere? Anything to keep you mind occupied at least some of the time. You should also seek some counselling.

Unfortunately, I am also the mother of two adult children who do not seem to have much care or empathy for their parents. My husband and I are lucky to have each other I know, but that is not always going to be the case and I dread the day when something happens to one of us. However I do not dwell on that too much.

Please keep posting here, you can post as often as you like if you just feel like talking to someone. We have very caring members on this site, so remember that you are important to us and we want to know how you are going. I mean that for both of you.
Posted 6/8/2010 8:15 AM (GMT 0)
i have been there. still are with various things. healings 2 u both.

with compassion, jamie.
Posted 6/8/2010 11:43 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you K_Weezy, Harrington49 and Jamie for your support. I think I find the hardest thing in all of this the way that I am feeling that is. Is that it is exactly what my vicious, nasty, controlling ex husband wanted to happen to me, Going so far as to tell my children that he was going to destroy me, to create so much misery in my life, until I could no longer bear it.
He was the one who started the separation between myself and family and friends 10 years ago. He then spent the proceeding years making the gap between my support networks and myself greater ,wider harder to bridge. Slowly but surely I found that once where I had had a large unit of people I could call on, whom I considered important in my life, to very few. When I took my life back from him ripped it's control out of his hands, He changed his title from my controller & Husband to that of my Jailer. With the support of a corrupt and negligent Family Court system, he tore my life back from me once again holding it's control in his hands and crushing it's very existence.

So now treated like I have commited a crime for not wanting to live under his control I have been tried and sentenced and forced to live where I have no one, where he has the contant ability to stick the knife in at every possible opportunity. Where I fear for the safety of my children. In financial devastation. With little chance at suitable employment or advancement. And although there are no bars to pen me in, it is my prison cell just the same.

In all my years with him and since I have stayed strong and fought my emotions and fears and worried only about the health welfare and happiness of others. I knew it would come to a head and I have been avoiding it at all costs but at the end of the day I am only human I will not let him win . I will not let him have my soul and I will survive this, But I do not believe that we should have to walk alone, and when you do it is SO HARD!!!
Posted 6/8/2010 12:05 PM (GMT 0)
my heart is breaking for you. here we are one big family, and you are a precious member. you will get through this. we shall not walk alone. you will not walk alone. with compassion, jamie.

keep strong.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

JAMIE.

Posted 6/8/2010 12:59 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Timne2live,

Welcome to the HealingWell Depression forum. You have joined a great site. We have many caring members here who truly understand.

My first marriage was similar to yours. I did everything for him. He controlled everything. He was so controlling that he would draw a line across the driveway to see if somebody was here while he was working. He would check the phone every day to see if somebody called. Check my plants to see if I watered them and the outside birdfeeders to make sure I fed the birds. I don't know how I lived with this and survived, but I did. I was up at 3:30 am every morning making his breakfast and lunch for work. Then had a meal ready for him when he got home. I lived totally for him. Nothing for myself. Though things did turn around and I was the controller, though I didn't think of it that way. He got diagnosed with lung cancer in 2000. So I continued to take care of him until he died. But I did end up being the one to make his decisions, though I did what was best for him. So it got turned around.

I guess what I am trying to say is that things happen for a reason. And they get turned around for a reason. I guess we have to learn to be our own advocate and speak up for ourselves, though there are going to be times where that is hard to do. We have to live our lives to the fullest. Take care of ourselves. Eventually make friends, who will hopefully care about us. But in the end it is us that we have to depend on.

I hope that this makes some sense to you. I really don't know what I am trying to say. It is early for me. But when it comes down to the nitty gritty, we have only ourselves to depend on. Only we can make sure that we are happy. We do so much for others and it seems like it is not noticed, but it is. People don't always say anything, but they do appreciate.

I hope that you are feeling well today. Tkae care, Keep posting.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 6/8/2010 2:10 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Karen,
Thank you very much for your kind words. I understand what you are saying and I am working hard daily to regain faith and to fight the injustices that are being done, I have just become involved an advocacy for **********s in my region, and fighting the injustices the discriminiation, corruption snd ignorance that they face daily in what is in my state completely legal and legitimate. I my self am a worker whom has returned to the industry after more that a decade due to the finacial devastation left in my husbands wake. I am starting a fight of my own an anti-Discrimination case against a local business, and and education crusade through my States Police Services to try to put and end to barbaric, Elisabetian and completely illegal practises that are happening to myself and others in my industry, I will be outed. I will probably diminish in standards in some peoples eyes. But I DONT CARE!!! I live my life with dignity, Integrity Honour and Pride. I pay tax and I am a human being who has exactly the same rights as everyone else. This has lit a fire in my belly It is a nice thing to feel after such a long time, but scary. Scary because of Stigma! Because some perhaps most people will not understand. But I will fight on regardless.
I am also trying to become involved with a Domestic Violence Service and Crisis Accomodation Service that offered me support in the beginning of my battle for my life. In my State the Family Law, Child Protection Organisations and Police are repeatingly, consistantly and unbelievably failing in there duty of care. Their duty to protect our children, their duty to protect victims of Domestic Violence Male and Female alike, Their duty to enforce the law to the full strength of the law - Failing to prosecute offenders, Failing to act on child safety reports, Failing to provide a worthy and safe judicial process and many more atrocities. These failings by these departments have directly led to the murders and sexual assualts upon women and children alike. To the suicides of victims men ,women and children alike and it is UNJUST!
I am really trying, I need to fight, I need to educate, I refuse to sit back and allow the atrocious behaviour and failings that were place at my feet by the justice system go unnoticed, And until they hear our cries I will hold the hands of my sisters, pick them up and lend them strength. I know this will pass. I will not let it stay, But as I sit here still in silence I wonder If
I make a lot of noise but no one listens did a whispered word pass my lips at all !!!
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