HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

up and down can't come to terms

Support Forums
>
Depression
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 6/27/2010 11:44 PM (GMT 0)
I have been so good the past couple of weeks. I am still having quite a struggle with my loneliness. But I have signed up for classes joined a new support group, am going to my therapist and went back to my childhood church. Also, I volunteer. I can't figure out what is wrong with me. I had a very good week this last week. My younger son came from the city and we went to church together and then went out to brunch. Everyone I have met has been so kind and considerate. What is my problem? One thing I can think is that even though I have joined many new things I haven't really made any new friends to go out with. I know I have to keep getting out and going to classes and my support group and to church every Sunday. But how long does it take to really make a friend? Someone I can share things with like going to lunch or dinner or the movies. I need to be able to have friends to call. I had such a good day today. Going back to my old church was like

coming home. Everyone was talking to me at the social hour after the service. They wanted to know when I first came to the church. I was 4 yrs old when I went to kindergarten church school. And they asked if I remembered the old ministers which I did. I loved the service and my son and I had a wonderful afternoon. He is such good company. But here I am all alone in my house and no one to talk to. I do so well during the day and just fall apart at night. I try so hard, why can't I have the success I am looking for. Am I expecting too much?

Aurora

Posted 6/28/2010 12:11 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Audrey

Do you want to go to the chat room? I am on too.
Posted 6/28/2010 1:37 AM (GMT 0)
Aurora,

Maybe next week when you have social hour after church, ask one of the ladies if they would like to go out for coffee sometime. If you feel comfortable with that. Reach out, I am sure that they would enjoy your company. And eventually you may become friends.

I think you are doing all the right things, I just think it might take a little time before you develope friendships. After you have seen the people a couple of times, more conversation is going to come up and you will find somebody that you click with.

I know that with all the projects that you have going this summer, you will make new friends. You will be meeting all kinds of people. Just think of all the fun that you are going to have. Sounds exciting.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 6/28/2010 2:47 AM (GMT 0)
Oh, Aurora, I'm so with you this weekend!

Today, just too exhausted to care that I'm alone. But yesterday felt like there was a big hole in my heart. I see my friends mostly on weekdays.

Is your childhood church nearby so that you can attend there regularly? To have a church where you have that connection would be wonderful. To have that to look forward to at least once a week would be so good and maybe friendships will develop.
Posted 6/28/2010 3:18 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Korissa, we must be reading each others thoughts. I had a good day yesterday even though I was by myself. Today started out great, church was wonderful and my son and I went out for brunch. He went home about 4 pm and then I had a melt down. I got so lonely. Sundays are hard days. I think I may be trying too hard. I just want some new friends so badly. It's not as easy to make friends when you get a bit older. I am sorry you had such a rough time yesterday. I guess we are just going to have our good and bad days and somehow learn to live with it.

To answer your question, my church is about a 10 minute drive from my house so it is close. I am planning to go every Sunday when possible but wanted my son to come to get me started so I could meet a few people and not feel strange about going alone. So I won't give up but as you know this is not an easy road to travel on. I hope you are doing better. Please keep in touch, I really enjoy corresponding with you. We have so much in common.

Many hugs,

Aurora

Posted 6/28/2010 7:04 AM (GMT 0)
auora...
It has ben only a short time that you started these activites and I really am imptrssed with your efforts. I know how awful lonliness can be, but you need to be patient. Give people, esp. at church, get to know you a biy. Then ask someone you like out for coffee and try to set up a date to meet. Stay relsxrd. Maybe in your quest to find a friend, you come off a bit nervous. Always remember if you get stuck on something to say, just ask the other person to tell you about them...people love to talk about rhwmaelves Just be patient!!!! Zero in on other moms with young children...setting up a play date with your kids is a great way to make a new Mom friend. Been a long time since I had little kids, but typically while the kids pkayed, the moms sat and had coffee and talked. Neanwhile, work on that hole you have with your therapist, because all the frinds in the world cannot fill such a big hole. Also, (I am kind of skipping around here) go to these functions with no expections that THIS time you will make a friend, because if you are doing that, you are possibly setting yourself up for disappointment if no friend comes forth and you feel even worse. As I said, be patient...making friends takes time and when you are least expecting it, a friend pops up. Take care and keep us posted. You do have friends here
Posted 6/28/2010 7:35 AM (GMT 0)
here for you aurora. jamie. keep positive, with healings 2 you, jamie
Posted 6/28/2010 12:17 PM (GMT 0)
This might sound silly, Aurora....but enjoy your own company when you are alone. You are someone who is always around for you. :) I have to spend a lot of time alone as I don't work out side the home, and my husband works 12hr days, 6 days a week. We moved to a brand new state last year, and I had to make friends as well. It takes time, but I have made a couple of really neat friends.

When you are by yourself - try not to think about "Oh no, I'm alone now." Instead, do things you love to do that you don't get to do with others around. Try reading. A good place to start is the bible - since you are a church goer. You know by reading that, that you are never really alone.

Take care.
Posted 6/29/2010 12:17 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks all for your replies. Jamiee, you know you are my rock, my guardian angel I can always count on.

Horse whisperer, You are right , I just started some of these activities and groups and I know I have to be patient. It isn't always so easy to do. I don't think I am acting nervous or needy. It is just the feelings I have inside that I deal with when I come home to this empty house. I am good at making people talk about themselves and showing an interest in them. So you are right, I just have to give myself a chance to get to know people more slowly. As far as making friends with moms with children, yes, I am a mom, but I am an older mom and my sons are 36 and 31. I made the friends I have now when my boys were young and I joined the baby sitting pool and then got to know friends from all our kids being in school together. Some friends have stayed around, others have moved away although we keep in touch my email and phone. Thank you Horse whisperer for caring and being my friend. I hope I can help you when you need it.

Myjoy, I actually do many things by myself when I can't find someone to go out with or have one of my activities. In fact, today I went to a movie by myself. The theater is very close to my church and it is small and old but you see a lot of people going by themselves and it is a comfortable place to enjoy a movie on your own. I also go to book stores and garden stores myself which I do enjoy.

I am managing fairly well. My rough time is walking in the door of my empty house. But I am learning to cope better. I just had a pretty bad melt down yesterday and that's when I get teary and feel bad. Thanks for helping me. I am here for you too anytime.

Aurora

 

Posted 6/29/2010 12:28 PM (GMT 0)
for aurora. cool cool cool cool tongue tongue tongue smilewinkgrin smilewinkgrin smilewinkgrin jamie.
Posted 6/29/2010 2:03 PM (GMT 0)
Aurora,

Siobhan is right, you sound really good. You are keeping active and keeping a good attitude.

Congratulations for you. And we will continue to be here for you.

Best wishes my friend...

Hugs, Karen
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply