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Posted 7/14/2010 12:20 AM (GMT 0)
Defeated

I feel like I've been fighting an uphill battle all my life. I'm new here. I'm not
sure what I'm looking for. Here's my background.

Single, 48.
Only child.
Parents deceased 8 years, no close family.
Obese, High blood pressure, diabetes, multiple back surgeries.

I've struggled all my life with everything. I've had bouts of depression when my
parents died (a year apart), and when one of my back surgeries almost killed me.

I had been doing OK the past few years. I had actually become close with a lady over
the past year or so even. Then about 3 months ago, I got what I thought was a sinus
headache. This headache has lasted 3 months and has not stopped. I've also been
stricken by vertigo. During this time, I found out that the woman I had become
close with decided that it was a friendship only and was seeing someone else while
we were seeing each other.

Over the past few weeks, I've been through MRI's and CAT scans and blood tests that
have yet to explain my headaches. The vertigo has been treated and is at a minimum,
but the lack of sleep over 3 months has severely affected my life. I had to take a
week of vacation last week in order to attend the many appointments and try and get
extra rest. I've lost 25 pounds (not in a good way) because I have trouble eating.
Food is not appetizing or appealing to me.

I know I came here for something. I'm not sure what. I'm struggling to figure out
how to go on. There are no close friends to share this with. I'm stircken with the
health issues, but the loss of a woman I felt might be the person I'd like to spend
my life with has me totally dejected.

I've gone from being worried about some test showing what's going on with my head to
saying a prayer at night hoping that I might not have to wake up the next morning. I
am depressed. During past episodes with depression, use of meds did nothing but make
me sick.

If anyone has words of encouragement, prayer, or a even a solution, I'm listening.

rgb
Posted 7/14/2010 1:00 AM (GMT 0)
Hi rgb1000,

Welcome to the HealingWell Depression forum.  I am happy that you have decided to join us.

I am sorry about your relationship matters.  Obviously the two of you weren't on the same level as far as a relationship goes.  She thought that you were only friends, and you thought otherwise.  When the right one comes along, you will know it and there wont be any crossed wires in the relationship.  I hope that the two of you are still friends.  A good friendship can mean just as much if not more.

Coming here is a good thing.  You will get the support and friendship that you need.  You are able to vent and let things out that you can't talk to anybody else about and the best thing is that nobody knows who you are.  So people are totally honest with their feelings. 

Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

Hugs, Karen

Posted 7/14/2010 2:53 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks for the welcome. I've been so taken aback by these surprise health issues that the doctors haven't been able to diagnose. I've been without good REM sleep for almost 3 months and it's affected my cognitive abilities. I really want a solution to the issues.

rgb
Posted 7/14/2010 6:00 AM (GMT 0)
Hi rgb

I would also like to say welcome to the HW Depression Forum and you will get great support and friendship on this site.

Wow losing 25 pounds that's fantastic, you must look pretty darn good now I would say. You know the lady that is only a friend, well she isn't the only lady in the world or even in your neighbourhood that you could perhaps go out with. Have you tried to join any groups or clubs, I am not sure what your hobbies are and I know you aren't feel real great at the moment but you aren't going to be like that forever. So when you're well what about looking into something in your area that interests you? Even singles clubs can be fun.

Maybe you need to discuss again with your doctor the taking of the meds for depression, maybe they weren't the right ones and there are many out there now and a lot of new ones also.

Keep posting and let us know how you're going and I hope the headache turns out to be nothing serious and you get rid of it soon.
Posted 7/14/2010 9:26 AM (GMT 0)
You know...sometimes life throws at us multiple iisues to tackle at once and we are totally overwhelmed or feel lost. You sound kind of lost to me...like where do I go from here? I am sorry about the relationship, but it was better to end than continue on false pretenses...either way, ending now or later you would have had the hurt to deal with, but now is tough with all the health stuff going on. I guess deal with the end of the relationship, so you can devote everything to make yourself wel again..

I have had unexplained health issues in the past. Ironically it started in the sinuses and I went thru a zillion tests that really showed nothing. After a while the docs began to look at me like I was nuts. Anyway, I know how draining, frustrating and scarey this can be for you, not to mention time spent in doc's offices. I really feel badly for you and hope you soon have an answer. Not knowing he the diagnosis for sure can be scarey. Try not to worry roo much. These things seem to work themselves out. Any chronic pain (like your headaches) drags you down. I agree with Harrington re: meds again, maybe to just add an extra boost to helping you deal with your problems.
Keep us posted
Posted 7/14/2010 3:50 PM (GMT 0)
I wish I did look good. I've lost 25, but could stand to lose another 125. Like I said, I'm obese. The
headaches have dragged down on me. Here at work, I can barely function. I'm just glad the vertigo
is at a minimum.

rgb
Posted 7/15/2010 12:22 AM (GMT 0)
rgb, lack of sleep due to pain is just increasing your depression. Could you ask for a prescription for sleeping pills to help you get the rest you need. Nobody likes to be dependent on them, but sometimes they're necessary short term.

I think the world will look a lot different after catching up on some sleep.

Don't despair over finding a future companion. You are still young and there's lots of time for that. Just get healthy for now.
Posted 7/15/2010 9:37 AM (GMT 0)
rgb
wow...listening to your story reminds me a ot of me...(minus the surgeries)

I don't know what you believe about God, but it sure sounds like He is not finished using you yet...and that is AWESOME news.

Most of my life I have set high, extremely high standards for myself. But I was set up to be a failure. I was 150+ pounds overweight. It was really affecting my physical and emotional health. in June 2008 I had Gastric Bypass Surgery....one of the best choices I have ever made.
I also struggle with depression, believe it or not I am currently working on switching out antidepressants.....so yeah that is kinda tough

women............i am not sure where to start............you be the VERY best you can and God will do the rest...I understand the desire for someone for a hug or just to lay your head on a shoulder and lookat one another..........and never have to say a word.

Hang in there dude...she is awesome....you may not even know her yet, but she is going to be so awesome!!!!

Sleep - uour body cant function if it doesnt have sleep. talk to your doctor he has several choices available. YOU MUST REST

I hope something is a little encouraging to you....hang in there it gets easier...

keep in touch - Jen
Posted 7/15/2010 8:16 PM (GMT 0)
Saw my doctor today. Wouldn't offer me anything to help me sleep. Did do a blood test for Lyme disease. Says to keep losing weight, even if it's because of the depression.

<sigh>

rgb
Posted 7/15/2010 10:20 PM (GMT 0)
I'm so glad you're being tested for lyme! If your test comes back negative however, it doesn't mean that you DON'T have lyme.

You would need to go to a lyme literate MD and you can find out more about that on HW's lyme site if you haven't already been there.

A lyme literate MD would give you sleeping pills. Rest is so important for lyme.

One of my first symptoms for lyme was a severe headache that wouldn't quit.

I'm surprised he thought of lyme because most PCPs think it only causes arthritis. It is a neurological disease however. In fact it's real name is neuroborelliosis.
Posted 7/15/2010 11:20 PM (GMT 0)
oh man, just how do you prove a false negative on lyme diseease? :(
Posted 7/16/2010 1:48 AM (GMT 0)
Google: "Diagnostic Hints and Treatment Guidelines for Lyme and Other Tick Borne Illnesses
by Joseph J. Burrascano Jr, MD". It's very lengthy but lists chapters so you can zero in on tests and clinical diagnoses.

He will also list symptoms for lyme.

Have you been anywhere where you might have had a tick bite? In a good percentage of caes, the bulle-eye rash doesn't show up, so you wouldn't necessarily have had a rash.

Of course, chances are it's not lyme. But, just wanted you to know that if your PCP says your test is negative, that's not conclusive. I think after you read the symptoms list, you'll get a better feel for whether or not you might have it.

I'm curious if you have others besides the headache and depression.

Keep us posted as to how you're doing....
Posted 7/16/2010 1:56 AM (GMT 0)
Symptoms I've experienced: Small red bump on my arm. Thought it was a mosquito. Did not have the rash. I had a slight fever, chills and body aches, and of course the headache. I also have some light tingling around the lips (numbness). I just want to know why I've got the headaches. My 3 potential causes are; 1. Lyme 2. AV malformation 3. Cervical issue from surgery radiating around to front of head.

rgb
Posted 7/16/2010 2:03 AM (GMT 0)
Everything you mention is a lyme symptom.

 Since you've had headaches before, is this one different and did it start with your fever and chills? Tingling and headaches can be neurological lyme. Not only ticks carry lyme and there are all kinds of rashes or bumps.

Taking all this into consideration, no wonder your doctor suspects lyme.

Posted 7/16/2010 3:09 AM (GMT 0)
Actually, I've never had any kind of headache like this before. This one headache has lasted about 3 months. My doctor didn't order the test, I asked him to do it in order to rule it out because after I googled my symptoms, this popped up. I'm willing to consider anything.

rgb
Posted 7/21/2010 11:05 PM (GMT 0)
I was finally able to get a copy of the paper report of my Brain MRI. It showed what the problem is. I have 6 lesions in my brain. The report said that further testing is required, because they can be anything from Lyme Disease-caused to the result of MS. Now I'm trying to get a hold of the Neurologist that ordered the test. I'm unable to get him. My return visit to him isn't until the 29th, and that's just with his PA. My MD and another doctor want me to see him immediately. I'm not getting anywhere.

I am so tired of so much being heaped upon me. I cannot take it any more. My MD gave me some Xanax. I hope it takes hold soon.

rgb
Posted 7/22/2010 12:20 AM (GMT 0)
Hi rgb,

Right now you are experencing a lot of anxiety.  You will get ahold of him tomorrow probably.  It is the 21st so your appointment isn't that far off.   So if you can't get ahold of him, you will be seeing his pa soon.  I agree with you though, it would be better if you could see him instead.  I hope that you get through to him soon. 

But for now, try to relax.  Because worrying isn't going to change anything.  I hope that it isn't ms.  I will be praying for you.  I know that this is scarey.  I hope that you get some answers soon.  Let us know when you do.  Know that we are all praying for you.

Hugs, Karen

Posted 7/22/2010 12:41 AM (GMT 0)
It might not seem like it now, rgb, but progress is being made. You're getting some answers.

So many lyme patients have brain lesions. The good thing is that with treatment they can go away. Many people diagnosed with MS really have lyme.

I know it doesn't seem like a good thing at all. But if you get the right doctor to treat you can get well.

I haven't been on the Healing Well Lyme board, so maybe you've posted there. If not you might want to share what you're going through there. Others may have gone through the same thing.

Also, lyme itself causes anxiety because it's in your nervous system, so don't beat yourself up that you're not being tough enough emotionally to handle this. You really can't help being anxious.

Can I ask where you''re getting your headaches--frontal, base of skull, all over?

I hope the xanax is helping.
Posted 7/22/2010 1:06 AM (GMT 0)
I should have added that I am not saying you have lyme, but if you do...

I'm sure they're checking for other things as you say.

So much does point that way though and you did have some kind of bite.
Posted 7/23/2010 1:34 AM (GMT 0)
I think that I would want Lyme over MS. I need to find out what I have so it can be treated. I'm still barely sleeping 5.5 hours a night before my headache wakes me up. This is even with taking a Benadryl at night (per doc instructions) to help me sleep. It's been 3 months. I've been praying every night, but am unsure if I am being heard yet.

rgb
Posted 7/29/2010 1:50 AM (GMT 0)
The Neuro finally saw the MRI, when I brought his PA a copy. After they saw the lesions, they flew into gear. I got a contrast MRI today, and will review the findings tomorrow. I see my ophthalmologist tomorrow to check my vision. My Neurosurgeon that did my back surgery says my neck checks out, so I might have too much spinal fluid in my brain, so a shunt might be needed if it's not MS. So my world is still spinning out of control, and my depression grows daily.
Posted 7/29/2010 11:59 AM (GMT 0)
rgb1000,

Take this ONE DAY AT A TIME.  I know that this is scarey, but I think you are in good hands.  So take this as it comes and try not to stress over it.  It will just make it worse.  Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.  We are here for you.

HUgs, Karen

Posted 8/2/2010 2:31 AM (GMT 0)
I have to go to the hospital on Tuesday to have a lumbar puncture to remove a spinal fluid sample to be tested for MS and hopefully other conditions. I'll be out of action for 24 hours. Flat on my back. It's been really weird. I've heard from people I haven't heard from in a while. Being called out of the blue. Not sure if it's some kind of cosmic sign that I'm about to die or not. I'm going on 4 months without a good night's sleep. I am ready to go now.
Posted 8/2/2010 12:46 PM (GMT 0)

Hi rgb1000,

Try to be optimistic about the calls that you got.  You are not going to die.  You just feel like you are.  I think that the calls were a coincidence in my opinion.  I hope that the test goes well.  Let us know, okay?  Know that we all are thinking of you.

Hugs, Karen...

Posted 8/2/2010 7:23 PM (GMT 0)
Hope and pray all goes well for you tomorrow.

Please let us know how you are afterwards when you are able.

I hope they give you some sleep medication afterwards. It makes me angry that

they haven't helped you with that in all this time.!

 

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