I think I am back

Hi Christian and welcome back, it's good to see you posting again. We all hit those low spots where you think there is no way out but most times we can find our way back.

Keep posting as you give great advice and I look foward to reading your posts again on the forum.

It is good for me to see me back too Harrington, hehe. I need to realize that whatever my own difficulties be, that should never keep me from what I feel I was put here for. If I allow that to happen, I know that I am being pulled under. It is like conceding defeat in the worst of ways...not only am I giving up on myself, but I am also allowing my collapse to keep others from possibly receiving help. I am a very logical person, but I also have what seems at times to be an overabundance of feeling. Everyone has to find their own fulcrum between the two, in this case I just let slip where that point should be, you could say that I had my priorities a bit mixed up.

Thank you again Wounded Healer for being the catalyst that finally healed me enough to realize what I had been doing. I know that I can come here for support, thank you for that Karen, and I do very much appreciate it and will when needed...but I let myself get out of hand a bit, and for that I do apologize.

Hey Shuvvy :) Thank you for the compliments, hehe whether or not they are entirely warranted I'll just leave up in the air. The mental strength though, that I do know definitely does not come from me nor is mine. Without knowing the truth about so many things, realizing my purpose now, and knowing that Jesus Christ died for all of my sins, my problems, my shortcomings, and every type of failing you could think of...there would be no strength to speak of (and possibly no me to speak). All of my motivation, ability, compassion, and empathy stem from the Lord, because I most certainly do not possess the strength necessary. Your posts also inspire me, and always seem to bring a little more happiness into view. Never think for a moment that you do not have just as much, if not more of a part in helping people on this forum as anyone does. I remember that much from when I myself started posting here. I started because I was at my wits end, I continued because of you all and the opportunities I have here to use my gifts as they're meant to be used (long overdue I might add). I love all you guys in a way I wouldn't have considered at all as I was typing my first ENORMOUS post :).

If I can help one person, really help, in all my time spent here...then that is good enough for me. You all have helped me very much and I do believe I've arrived at my answers (basically). Now it is time for me to do what I was put here for, what you all have been part of helping me to realize. I mean that to such an extent that I believe I will be going to school for counseling. I am 25 years old with one year of art school under my belt, I have struggled with finding something that inspired me as well as payed the bills. I had thought that only existed in art and music for me, but I know now my purpose. Thank you all, and I will be around more often ;)


Christian

I have dealt some with acrylics, but not much. I do enjoy many of the surrealist pieces I've seen, especially in paint because of the blending and mixing effects that you can achieve.

I ended up taking one year for art to more pointedly get into photography. I found out though that there is such a low job placement, even if it is what you love, you just get out of school with massive debt and no special income to pay it off. It was a very good experience though, I found out in that year that I could draw amazingly if I put my mind to it. My brother has been an excellent artist (drawing and painting mainly, some digital stuff now) since he was a little kid, he was able to draw quite well by age 6 or so. I have never known that I could because I thought it just wasn't my thing...I'd see the masterful art he created, and had a fairly high gauge for art.

When I started my year I found out that I had to take drawing classes to get to photography...so I warned the teacher that I couldn't draw on the first day. She just looked at me with a little smile and said, "yes you can", and basically just ignored my "warnings". In a matter of two and a half months I went from not being able to draw more than basic forms, to something that I couldn't (and still have a hard time) believe that I had produced. I have always been into sculpture, pottery, 3D arts mainly as I grew up. A few years ago photography got a hold of me, but I never knew I had any talent in drawing. I'm looking on the posting options and not seeing how to attach pictures, otherwise I could add some of the drawings I have done, also possibly some of the photos. I look at them to this day, right now even, and can hardly comprehend how I had managed to capture the images as I did...and with a pencil, pen, or charcoal instead of a camera. That, in my art, is the height of perfection, to be able to capture an image, place, or thing exactly as I am seeing it...that is why I love photography so much. I feel and experience certain things when I take in an area. I am, for that moment, utterly and completely changed by it...enthralled by beauty, in wonder of the creation, knowing that this art was created by God...but at such a higher level in every aspect, letting it seep into me, the serenity, the air's freshness being outside of a city...hoping that possibly when I leave the place, I will be able to take as much of it with me as I can. The only way that I could even begin to imagine sharing aany small part of that experience would be to either take the person there or to do my absolute best to capture it in a picture. (another rant, hehe sorry)

I know all about the starving artist thing...it isn't easy, but I couldn't imagine being anything else, well other than a successful artist, or my new finding about counseling. I would love to see your work if you had some posted up somewhere Karen, I always love to look at art.

Post Edited (-Misunderstood-) : 7/21/2010 7:43:22 PM (GMT-6)

Wolves are a good subject for art :). Usually for my photography I enjoy landscapes, sunrise/sunset, basically anything in nature...waterfalls, mountains, whatever it is that grabs hold of me. I wish I could afford a nicer camera at the moment, I am stuck using a 90 dollar cheapo...but I did end up kinda surprising myself with some of the shots I got with it. If you figure out how to post pics Karen, let me know. I took pictures of my drawings and have a set of pictures taken from the lake out behind my house that turned out amazingly good. (I hope you get to catch up on your day Karen!)

Hehe, all I said shuvvy was the truth, it just so happened to be putting you in a pretty good light :). I hardly consider myself a talented person, much less so than I could or possibly should be were I to have applied myself more in the past 6 years. Dealing with my depression and problems on my own for the past 6 years though has kept me from being terribly productive.

The drawing really is a complete oddity, I can't necessarily say that I love to draw, or even enjoy it much...but when I am put to doing it and give it the proper time to get done, I end up with something that I honestly can hardly believe that I had done. Photography and artistic composition in pictures comes naturally to me. I can look at a scenic place or an item of interest and, in some way, just kinda know which angles to try. I obviously have my share of deleted pics, hehe, but I usually end up with good ones before I have to snap too many. It is something that could be a positive in the future, hehe but as Karen said, there is also the starving artist aspect of it...but it is worth it :).

I also appreciate the kind words, and also being there for me as well. I often find myself doubting how much good I might really be doing, but then I get a situation where I really see the effects in someones life...and that is enough for me to keep going.


Christian

for christian. jamie.