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Posted 8/15/2010 10:54 PM (GMT 0)
HI

I  Have been with my husband for 10 years  we both hate being alone Just recently he had to work away for six months and two months (appox) things changed a little that I began to become suspecious . It ended up that my suspecious were correct that my husband was having an affair. he told her that he was single there for she was unaware of my existance  anyway she called his phone (which was hidden a new one)   and i happened to answer.

she was as upset as I was and she no longer wants anything to do with him.  He ended this affair and his job straight away and came back home to me. .  He says he loves me  and now he is going through the remorse of hurting every one.   I love him he now has a full time  Job in here and seams much happier  now than when he was away  I really want to forgive hime and move on with our life  but some times his guilt gets the better of him he blames me  (i guess that is so he feels less guilt) as it makes you feel better if you have some one to blame) but then he says he relises that he has done the wrong thing.  He has decided he wants to see a councelor to help him blush  .  as he wants us to be together.  I am just hopeing and wanting our relationship to work. my main issue is it has only been a couple of weeks since this has happened I  am not coping to wellI have always been able to cope well but this has really thrown me.

I do not want to be told to leave him or to get back at him some way I want to have support from others who have been through this and gone on to better things.

Thank you for listening

Rosey     

Posted 8/15/2010 11:06 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Rosey,

First of all, welcome to the HealinWell Depression forum.  I am so glad that you have joined us. 

I am glad that he is going to counseling, and I think you should too.  You will have methods on how to cope with what has happened and extra support. 

I am not going to tell you this is going to be easy because it probably isn't.  But have patience with him and with yourself.  Allow yourself to grieve, be angry, be hurt, or whatever it takes.  You sound like you want this relationship to work.  I am happy for that.  Though I am sorry for what he has done to you. 

I do agree with you that it sounds like he is looking for something to blame, and I think that is normal.  He will face what he did, in time, and he will recognize that it wasn't your fault in any way.  I think it was just the situation.  Being away and all.  But that doesn't mean that you have to forgive and forget all of a sudden.  Like I say, it takes time. 

Be good to yourself through this.  Understand that all reactions are probably normal.  Don't expect too much from yourself at this time.  If he doesn't understand, explain that it is going to take time for you to get through this.  But I do recommend counseling for you.  Maybe even couples couseling for the two of you.  Having a professional in the middle would help the situation.

Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.  Know that we all care about you.

Hugs, Karen

Posted 8/16/2010 6:43 AM (GMT 0)
Hi,

I've never been married, but I've been cheated on by boyfriends and I think I can understand a bit how confused and hurt you must feel. You're in a tough situation, so let yourself go through the motions and feel what you have to feel. Time will eventually make it easier, even though it doesn't seem like it.

I really do hope things get better and you both can find happiness.
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