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Tired of feeling this way....

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Posted 8/23/2010 1:25 PM (GMT 0)
So, wanted to chat to someone online... as I'm not so good at talking about my problems, or emotions (unless I'm drunk)

But that doesn't seem to be an option.

Anyhoo, If anyone could offer advice, it would be muchly appreciated.

As I mentioned, when I get drunk, I often get really upset!

It seems to be the same old issues that keep arising, all of which I've sought help for, from psychologists and counsellers and my wonderful friends. However, I can't seem to shift these burdens.

I've tried to take these matters into my own hands, finding ways to deal with these issues. One problem that constantly arises an issue for me, is the lack of my father in my life. 4 years ago we stopped talking, I can't even remember why, but it has really started to upset and bother me. I've tried calling him, hoping that talking to him or visiting him would ease the pain. I ring, but he doesn't answer.

How do you move on from a situation like this, where you're trying to deal or move on, but can't.

What else could I do? Counselling doesn't seem to help, and my psychologist recommended I call him and talk to him - but I can't as he won't answer.

My dad has done some bad things to me in his life, not sexual abuse or anything, but emotionally scarred me all the same, and although I feel I've dealt with that, this absence of him in my life is now the issue.

Maybe he's not worth my time, but then how do I accept that and MOVE ON?

 

Posted 8/23/2010 2:27 PM (GMT 0)
Hi there,

and welcome to the forum. 

I guess you have to just put this behind you, move on to better things.  Find some new interests.  And most of all, stop drinking.  You said that the drinking brings on the emotions.  So don't do it.  It is as easy as that.  Well, not that easy, but if it is causing you harm, you know that you have to stop.  Alcohol is a depressant.  Even if we don't get drunk, it still makes us depressed which is what is most likely causing you to think of your father.  That is the best advice that I can give.  I am glad that you are seeing a counselor.  That really does help.  We get the support we need and the feed back that we need.  What does she/he say about your drinking? 

Hugs, Karen

Posted 8/23/2010 8:28 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Barchx38,

Welcome to the depression forum. I am glad that you have posted. And you have come to a good place where everybody is kind and compassionate. I hope that you stay with us.

I am sorry to hear about your brother. I lost my nephew a couple of years ago next month and it is hard. He also committed suicide. I always try to remember the good things, but it is lonely without him around. So I understand how you feel about your brother.

I think it is cool that you found a sewing machine on Craig's list. I have an old one, it is built into a table. I think it is one of the first electric ones like that. It only sews one stitch I think, but it works and I really like it.


I hope that you keep posting. And I hope that you had a good day today. Take care,
Hugs, Karen
Posted 8/23/2010 10:05 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks everyone!

I guess it's just time to bite the bullet and say 'no more drinking' My psychologist said that too, and unfortunately I have battled with this issue for 10 years now. I started binge drinking when I was 15 and just never grew out of it. I DO need a new hobby or interest, and definately need to find somewhere else to outlet my angers, fear, pain and lonliness. Unfortunately all these feeling cause me to drink and drinking causes me to do things I hate about myself like very attention seeking 2yo behaviour, so that's it booze. It's over!

I woke up this morning wondering if anyone would've written on here, and feel really touched and supported to have all your input. So, THANK-YOU!

Also, I'm sorry to hear of your losses, barchx and getting by.

Posted 8/23/2010 10:41 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you Justme84,

I know what you are going through is hard right now. I am trying to quit smoking. I haven't had one in five days. But I want one really, really bad. I think in a couple more days I might have this beat.

I barely drink anymore. I use to drink a steady six pack a day. It was just normal for me. But I drink a beer on occasion now. Maybe once a month I will have a couple. So that was harder for me to stop than cigarettes. And I wasn't even planning on quitting. I know that alcohol is a depressant though, so if I drink and then become depressed, I just figure that as normal.

I wish you success with becoming healthy.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 8/24/2010 1:23 PM (GMT 0)
Ugh I'm on my however-many attempts to quit the smokes as well....

I'd like to say the way I drink and get depressed is normal, but I know it's not. On occassions I have had in excess of 25 - 30 drinks in one night... and I'm not a big girl... I know when I'm drunk but keep going... and this leads to stupid behaviour, which leads to me feeling utterly crap about myself, which leads me to drink again.... It's a viscious cycle. I know what I need to do, just need the power to do it! But it's hard to pull that from thin air. I've had a look at 'coping with the past' mechanisms online, and one thing says to change your psyche... but how. Is it so simple as when you have a negative thought about yourself, to stop it and say no... and change that thought to a positive. That's one of my biggest problems, I know I'm not a bad person, but I can't say what's good about me... I seriously struggle with self-doubt, fear of being abandoned and lonliness. I am determined to conquer these stupid things, but is is really that simple as a psyche change.

How can I find good things about me to positively tell myself... !?!?

ARRGHGHGH. It can't be that hard, but why even typing this do I have a knot in my stomach?

P.S. Karen I am using nicorette mini's to help with quitting. They really work for me... well until I had a bender on the booze... then all inhibitions are out the window. But anyhoo, I stopped for a month, and then had a week off, as I was very stressed. Back on the wagon 2 days ago, and havent touched 1. GOOD LUCK! We can do it!!! :D

Posted 8/24/2010 2:14 PM (GMT 0)
When my first husband quit drinking, he would make a habit of going to the bar that he use to go to and have a coke. He would watch how stupid everybody started acting and that would turn him off. But I wasn't a bar drinker. I drank by myself. So going to the bar was not one of the things that would help me. He kept busy too. Went fishing every day to get away from alcohol. He drank for many years and then finally quit. We got into a fight, which we did a lot when he drank, and he pushed me into a hot stove and burned my arm really bad. I think that is what caused him to quit. He was abusive when he drank, to me anyway. Have you tried AA? I guess that really helps. I have never been there, but I understand it has helped a lot of people. There is antibuse too, which is a pill that makes you sick when you drink. I think you can do this on your own. You just have to make up your mind that is what you want to do. That is like the smoking. I love to smoke. and I am hoping that I am going to stay quit because I really wasn't ready to stop, but my husband was and I did this for him, not for me. But I am starting to feel better now. So that should help me. I wish you the best, let me know how this goes.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 8/24/2010 11:18 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks Karen!

I can't tell you how much better I'm already feeling just by having your support. :D I feel like I've lost that a bit from my friends and family, because I've tried so many times and it hasnt worked.

I am determined, and know I can do it! AND so can you with the quitting! We both can! GO US!

P.s. my doctor offered me that, but I refused, as I vomit when i get drunk anyway, and i didnt think it would deter me that much... eek!

 

Posted 8/25/2010 1:42 AM (GMT 0)
It is nice to have the support of a forum. It makes life seem a little easier. It helps us cope. I am glad that you do get that here. Keep posting and know that we all care.

And keep up the good work, I will too. It is nice to know that I am not the only person trying to get healthy. I say that instead of quitting sometimes because it is less pressure. When I have pressure, I tend to go into the opposite direction than I should, so I keep this as stress free as possible. Play little mind games with myself. I would put my cigarettes where I couldn't see them, so I wouldn't be tempted to smoke as much. Even into another room. Then make myself go so many urges before I would have one. Usually three urges before I would light up. I called my doctor today to get a chantix prescription because it was a hard day for me. I don't know if he will call it in or not. But I think that would take the edge off for me.

I wish you luck with quitting drinking. I Know it isn't easy. I lost my sister to chirosis from drinking. It was so sad. She was only 46 or so. I think it was 46. She was young. I lost another sister to breast cancer. She was 46 also. It was a rough time then. In a years time, I lost five relatives. Close relatives. My mother my grandmother, my two sisters and an aunt. I feel like I am rattling on here. I start to talk about you and then end up with my issues. Maybe it is a day for that. Any how, I hope that things go well. When you need to, post here. There will usually be somebody along in a little while. It has been a little slow lately. But things perk up a lot around here.

Hugs, Karen
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