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Am I weak...? Or just a fool?

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Posted 9/21/2010 12:35 PM (GMT 0)
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Post Edited (veluxia) : 9/22/2010 6:14:03 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 9/21/2010 1:09 PM (GMT 0)
It sounds like you are very discontented. Yes moving out and gettting your own place would be better. But what about this close male friend that you talk about. And if he is reading this, why did you mention it? What temptations are you talking about? Are you happy in your marriwge? Are you playing a game because you know he will read this, or should you edit your post incase he reads it?

Think long and hard before you write these thing s down. I am sorry about your situation, I do suggest that you get a job and get your own place. Living with his mom and dad must be difficult. It would for most people.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 9/21/2010 3:05 PM (GMT 0)
I know, jobs are scarce. could you get any help with the department of human services to get your own home? If your income is low enough, they might help you. It has to be hard living with his parents.

I don't know why he was looking for divorce things on the internet. Unless he was trying to scare you. Has he talked about divorce to you? I think you need to open the lines of communication somehow. It doesn't seem like he is talking to you.

And yes, if he is reading this, you need to either edit your post or get rid of it. I don't want him to read what you wrote.

Temptations are hard, especially when you are trying to cope. I haven't smoked in over a month. It has been hard, because smoking relaxes me. So I understand that.

Know that we are here to support you. Don't want to make you feel badly or anything. Just want to help you.

Keep posting.

Hugs Karen
Posted 9/21/2010 3:54 PM (GMT 0)
It is so stressful to have two families in a household. I am glad that you told him to wait on the D prospect until after you move out. I know that things will be better for you then.

It is so hard to not smoke. I liked smoking too and I had a really difficult time quitting. If it relieves the stress, maybe you should. If it wont cause more problems. I don't mean to tell you to smoke if you are trying not to. But you need something to take the edge off of this situation.

I would be having a cow if I were cooking and somebody come in and took over the stove. You have much patience.

Best wishes for a lovely day.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 9/21/2010 5:15 PM (GMT 0)
Yes that is a good thing. I am having so much trouble quitting. But so far so good. You are wise.

Patience is a virtue. So it is good to be patient. I am learning to be. I didn't use to be though. I was very impatient and always stressed when waiting on things. But I am much better now.

Keep up the good work. I take antidepressants, and mood stabilizer, and it seems to have worked well for me. I take anti anxiety meds too. So I guess I have all bases covered.

Meds might help you now. Even though they didn't help when you were younger. It is your choice if you want to talk to a doctor or not. Not his. Counseling might be something to consider. Will he try to stop you from going? I hope he isn't too controlling, that is hard to live with. My first husband was that way, but he didn't stop me from going to counselors. Which I needed.

Best wishes to you for a wonderful day. I have to go to the doctor.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 9/21/2010 7:46 PM (GMT 0)
Veluxia,

I feel your pain! It has to be so hard to live with another couple, let alone your in-laws! I know it gets difficult in my own house, where hubby and I live with my brother!

Good for you for not turning to the cigarettes! As for medications, my husband felt that I didn't need them, until he saw how I was when I was off them! Now he realizes that I do need them. IMHO, I think you should look into the option of medication for the time being. Pain can also be a symptom of depression. It can be a Catch-22! I live in constant pain, myself, and I know what it's like when pain medication isn't working. :(

As for having the close male friend, I have an old classmate that I talk to on Facebook, myself. Hubby knows we are just friends, but I don't talk to this friend about any problems I may be having with hubby. I save that for my online journal, which I have made private to just certain people. All of them I do not know IRL, they're just friends I made on the journaling site.

Take care!

Christina
Posted 9/21/2010 9:49 PM (GMT 0)
Don't beat yourself up for slipping up. It happens. You probably wont even like them. How long has it been since you have smoked? Once you are finished with these, or even before you are, you can go back to quitting again. If it becomes hard, talk to your doctor about chantix. My husband used that and it worked for him. I used it before but didn't try hard enough so I ended up smoking again. But it kind of makes you feel good and really takes the edge off.

When we live our lives with secrets, it becomes hard for us. so be careful not to get in over your head. That can become really stressful.

And you are not a failure. You seem like a very wonderful person. I for one am glad to have met you. I enjoyed our conversation earlier in the thread. You seem to be a very nice person. Give yourself a pat on the back. You are going through a lot right now.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 9/22/2010 12:53 PM (GMT 0)
I am glad that you hugged your kitty. Kittys are cool. I have two dogs, and they are such a comfort at times.

Keep up the good work. You are doing better than you think you are. I know that things get hard, but we push through and come out on the other side where things are better.

Thanks for the compliment. That really made my day.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 9/22/2010 2:03 PM (GMT 0)
Hang on there. I think you are getting better because you are talking here. Try to be optimistic about things. Don't worry about slipping into old habits. And if you are, is there somebody professional that you could talk to? Do you have a counselor? They really help.

I guess I see things differently. When people start talking here, gernerally they get better. If they slip up, they have somewhere to come and talk about it. It really helps. We are far from perfect beings. And you haven't gotten to the point of messing up yet, other than the cigarettes. But you smoked very little to begin with. I smoked a pack a day. And before that it was two packs. And menthols. I use to smoke Kool kings. They are strong cigarettes.

Things often get harder before they get easier again.  Be patient.  I am more worried about your husband being controlling.  Is he?  That is no way to live.  I think you need to learn to take life one day at a time.  Try not to worry about things.  Stay in the moment.

Keep trying, keep posting. We will help you through this.

Best wishes,

Hugs, Karen

Posted 9/23/2010 12:25 PM (GMT 0)
I feel that he has too much control in this relationship. Whether he is cheating, it is hard to say. My first husband was like that. He was very controlling and distrusting. Always accusing me of messing around when it was him doing it. He had many women on the side. Made me think I was crazy. Not fair at all. But it all comes out in the end. It just depends on how much you are willing to tolerate. And when they are doing it on the sly, makes you feel crazy. And they want you to think you are. I hope he isn't cheating on you. Like I say, it all comes out in the end. For now think of it this way. If he is yours, he is yours. If not, you will find out, we always do.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 9/23/2010 12:50 PM (GMT 0)
I think that the main warning sign for me was that he was accusing me of messing around. It was his own guilt. Plus coming home three hours late from work. And he would tell half truths. To cover his butt. That way it had me confused, it would possibly put him in a position where he could say "yeah, I saw so and so". But that was only part of the truth. He is gone now. I lost him to cancer in 2000. I have since remarried to a good guy. We do things together. He respects my views and listens to me. There is a world of difference. But yeah, my first husband is very posessive, always accusing me of doing the things he was doing. Very controlling. Told me who I could see and not see. What jobs I could and could not work. He didn't want me to work at all really. Kept me under his thumb. I always gave him the benefit of a doubt though. I know that made me naive, but it was easier that way. And it did all come out in the end.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 9/24/2010 2:03 PM (GMT 0)
Karen;
How were you able to cope with your first husband being super-controlling?

about myself today : I'm feeling a bit weird about all this. My partner is super nice to me. . . This doesn't happen too often. Normally with cases like these, I get paranoid and suspect something. I hate being paranoid, it shows, and it kills the positive aura.

I honestly wish I didn't exist. Less drama, and my partner would be free from the naggy lady.
Posted 9/24/2010 3:14 PM (GMT 0)
It was easy,

I didn't do anything anyway. I was depressed. But I was a good wife, I got up at 3:30 everymorning and made his lunch and breakfast. I just lived for him and prayed a lot. My time came though. He died in 2000 from lung cancer. So my life really changed. But I found that what I was doing was easy for me, though it might not have been the best thing for me. I made it though. And I am a lucky person. There have been people that try to hurt or control me and it always backfires on them. I always come out on top for some reason. I guess it is because I try to do the best that I can. Things seem to work out.

I hope that this makes some kind of sense. Feel free to email me.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 9/24/2010 4:57 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you, Karen. How can I contact you?
Posted 9/24/2010 6:54 PM (GMT 0)
My email is in my profile, or you can click on the blue envelope under my name on the side of this post. I am not saying I can really help, but I can let you know what I have been through and how I coped.

Hugs, Karen

PS to get to my profile, just click on my name.  It will take you there.

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