just having one of those nights. i'm anxious restless feeling how i used to feel right before i would, but i haven't actually in years. my first actual therapy appointment is oct 5, and before that next tuesday i have a follow up with my local hospitals mental health unit after going to the er from a bad panic attack. they gave me Xanax for the anxiety and i'm guessing they want to see how i've been doing with that. i'm home alone, my fiance is out, my friend's invited me out but i'm just in one of those moods. i dont want to be around anyone, but i feel lonely. i want to go do see, but i dont want to do anything at all. i feel like a prisoner. i feel like the tiny crack that used to be there is now spidering and i don't know when the breaking point will be. i don't eat much, i can't sleep without the xanax. i honestly thought things would get better since i started taking better care of my body. since december i've lost 55 pounds :) i've been eating well and exercising and seeking help for all of this. but i almost feel like now that i got the ball rolling, the results are so slow to come. i've lived like this all my life, and now that i'm getting help i feel like i'm at the bottom of the well looking up. i guess i just thought i would feel something, faster or signifigant, to give me a shine of hope that i can be happy and be anxiety free and live a normal life. i'm 24, i have my whole life ahead of me and i want it. i've missed out on so much already. i feel such great shame and guilt for letting my depression and anxiety run my life. i've lost friends and jobs and great opportunities. i just feel so hopeless.
Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 9/24/2010 6:00:06 PM (GMT-6)