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Is this normal?

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Posted 10/13/2010 12:32 AM (GMT 0)
I have thoughts of  every time I embarrass myself in public by doing or saying something stupid. I'm not smart. Everything thinks I am, but I'm maybe just slightly above average book-wise and below average street-wise.

The thoughts come and linger for a while, eventually they go away until I do something stupid again. I think about  and that I don't matter, it used to bring me comfort, but now it just tortures me because I know for a fact I could never go through with it. This can't be normal, right?

Please no discussion fo suicide on this forum.  I had to edit your post, but I tried to take as little as possible out so others can understand what you are facing. 

Thank you for understanding

Karen

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 10/12/2010 8:34:26 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 10/13/2010 2:33 AM (GMT 0)
Its normal to want to "disappear" when you embarass yourself......we all get that.
Please do not hurt yourself. That is not a solution.
Posted 10/13/2010 2:40 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Savetheday,

I wanted to give you some resources if this continues.

National Suicide Hotline
1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
This is a combined network of the Amerian Association of Suicidology, the National Hopeline Network, CONTACT USA, and many other organizations. Call are automatically routed to the nearest crisis center to the phone from which the call for help is placed.

Helpful Web Sites:
Suicide Hotlines (listed by state)
Suicidal.com (includes Suicide Crisis Center and Depression and Suicide)
SuicidalTeens.com

I do feel you need to talk to somebody.  A counselor or your doctor and maybe get on medication or some therapy.  You shouldn't have to suffer with these thoughts.  And to have them so frequently isn't good.  So please seek help.

Hugs, Karen

Posted 10/13/2010 4:25 AM (GMT 0)
It sounds like you are very sensitive, easily embarrassed, and possibly were shamed and ridiculed by others in your childhood. So now when you do something you perceive is a mistake, no no, whatever, you are not only reacting to the present, but waking up those old painful feelings.

Others probably don't see this at all. I used to blush like the dickens too, that was really hard because then it was an outward exhibit of my internal balance. People would then say, oh, your blush -shshshs -ing.

Think better of yourself, difficult as it may seem. Talking it out with a professional, school counselor, or someone at church like a youth pastor is DEFINITELY worth it at this time before it gets worse.

No self-harm, Sweetie. You have a bright and happy future ahead of you, just have to get over this big hump in the road.

Sandy
Posted 10/13/2010 12:16 PM (GMT 0)

Hiya :-)

It definitely sounds like someone or something shamed you...it's nothing to do with being smart, I used to get like that (still can sometimes) and at the time I was studying some really hard stuff and getting good marks for it.  You poor thing, sometimes we feel like 'disappearing' because actually we want the problem or pain to disappear...and we've identified ourselves with it so we think we're one and the same as the problem - when we are not!

Are there any particular subjects that interest you, e.g. films, travel, nature, history etc that you could learn more about and deepen your knowledge? I did this and found it helped my confidence, as even if I didn't quite know what everyone in a group was talking about I knew about the stuff that interested me.  If you weren't smart you wouldn't have come here for help :-)

Do you have a counsellor or therapist? It might be useful to find out the source of this sense of shame and embarrassment that you suffer.  It's best to do this with the help of a professional. Then you could work at seperating whatever it was from your life now.

And remember, everybody is insecure about something, it's just some people can either manage it or are good at hiding it. You sound highly sensitive, and that's a good thing to be. It means you feel emotion deeply and can be compassionate - exactly what the world needs!

Take Care :-)

SadHoney

Posted 10/13/2010 3:10 PM (GMT 0)
Good Morning Savetheday,

You are not stupid ~ repeat that over and over until you believe it.  It is true !

It feels to me like you are looking for approval from others to validate who you are when what you really want is being accepted for who you are. 

Acceptance differs from approval. Seeking approval passes a test to grant yourself permission to be who you are. It is about being “good enough” to meet someone’s standards. On the other hand, acceptance for our purpose builds a positive response to something that is offered. When you seek acceptance, you have a strong sense of self that you present to people, and whether they accept it is up to them. Should people not accept you, it does not diminish your self-esteem because your powerful self comes from inner worth, not external validation. Approval and acceptance are valuable terms you need to reread, understand, and burn into memory.

Do use the numbers Gettingby posted for you if you are in a crisis situation.

Kindly,

Kitt

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