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Posted 11/18/2010 4:12 PM (GMT 0)

I don't even know where to begin or if I'm at the right place.

I'm going through a divorce. I have been the worst wife on the planet. I've had

3 affairs. The last of which was with someone who is 17! I've been called every

trashy name in the book and since the last affair I can now add sexual predator

and child molester to the list.

I'm not, I swear I'm not!

My husband has now moved out with no notice, uprooted my kids from their home,

cleaned out my house, limited my time with them, and even now he's "supervising"

my time with them. He says I can't be trusted alone with them. I would NEVER

touch my kids. I've been molested and raped. I could never do that to another

person.

I don't even know where to go or what to do anymore. I've bent over backwards

to my husbands demands. Didn't say anything when he cleaned my house out.

Abided by his rules for seeing my kids. Ended the relationship I was having. Even

gone as far as to confess my sin to him even though I knew very well that

doing so could cost me custody of my kids.

The last 2 weeks since they moved out have been heart breaking, eye opening,

exhausting, and yet in many ways intreging. I've found I have more time for

God then ever in my life. I cheerish every second I'm allowed near my kids. I've

found out I have far fewer REAL friends then I thought. Bored and lonely have

completely new meanings.

Posted 11/18/2010 4:34 PM (GMT 0)
Hi there,

I am glad you have God in your life now. Though I am sorry for what you are going through. My sister went through a similar thing. But as time has passed, she has gained relationships with her children. They hated her when everything went down.

I guess it is time for you to start a new life. You have learned from your mistakes. And now it is time to heal. Do you have a counselor? It really helps to have an objective view on things and the support that they give you.

Keep posting my friend, know that you are not judged here. You will get your life back on track, but it takes one day at a time, so be patient.

Take care,

Hugs, Karen
Posted 11/18/2010 4:46 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you both for your input and advice. i don't know if I'm looking for love as much as that I seem to have this self destruct button. Kinda liek when things are going good I feel like I don't deserve it so I do something to ruin it. Or when God wants to use me I do something to disqualify myself. :(

The process of divorce is still fresh so I know I have a long road ahead of me. I'm not NOT fighting for my kids as much as just to say I'm at a place where I now know that I can't be the kind of mother they deserve if I can't fix me first. I love my kids more then life itself and I'd do anyhting for them, even if that means loosing custody for a time.

I don't have a lawyer, or a counselor at this time. Money's been tight since he cleaned out my house. I've been doing all the legal work for my divorce myself with whatever free legal advise I can get my hands on. I've put out a call to 3 different counseling locations. HW was my 4th. I've even put a call in to some local help through church friends.

It's a hard lonely road when all that's dear to you is taken away and those you'd hope would be there for you turn there back in judgement and discust.

I feel so alone in all this. :(
Posted 11/18/2010 6:04 PM (GMT 0)
Hello and welcome to HealingWell,

First I would like to suggest, as others have,  that you seek out legal aid to find out what your rights are.  Your husband has moved out and taken all of the contents of the house and you are entitled to a share of the contents. 

In some cases, liquid assets do not exist or are inaccessible to one party making it impossible to use an asset to pay legal fee retainers or monthly legal fees. . In such cases, a party may seek an award of legal fees from the other party. Please talk to a lawyer as well as try to get into counseling for yourself.

 

Also I would like to see you talk with your clergy and see how much support you receive both spiritual and perhaps help with your bills.  I think you would find this comforting.

Karen is so right,  we do not judge here.  It is not our place to do so.  :-)

Again a warm welcome.

Kitt

 

Posted 11/18/2010 6:14 PM (GMT 0)
As I mentioned before I have sought all the free legal counsil I can. I've been advised I'm doing the right thing and that while what he's doing isn't legal until the court steps in the only real options I have would be to play dirty and I'm not going to do that to my kids.

As for the church. Unfortunately being the one who had the affair I'm not getting much more then a cold shoulder there. :(

I'm not struggling with my bills. It's the extras like a lawyer that I can't afford. But as I stated there is alot of free legal advice you can get. It's just hard in the beginning. Divorce is ugly enough but when you add kids in the picture you have a "pissing match" till the court steps in and establishes things.

I scheduled a meeting with Safe Harbor for next Tuesday evening. And I'm meeting with an accountability/counselor from my church later this evening. I'm trying to stay positive and do everything I can to show the court and my husband that I'm not a danger to my kids.
Posted 11/18/2010 11:39 PM (GMT 0)
HSimmons335

I am sorry your church is not more supportive but keep on believing that you can learn from all of this.  I went through a divorce many years ago.  Talking with my therapist one day I made the statement that I was 100% to blame and she made me think about what I just said !  I finally realized that I was not 100% to blame as no marriage is ever perfect so now I only accept 50% of the blame and have let it go.

I had 3 small children and that was the only things I asked for ~ I let him take everything else and started over.  I had a happy ending as I married my current awesome husband 40 years ago and we have been happy through the ups and downs life has tossed our way.

I hope you will have the opportunity to find happiness again. 

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