My bosse's house...

I am sort of a position in which I do not want to be in.  I am afraid it will come down to making a very tough decision that I cannot make.  Since the first of September, when I go into town, I stay at my bosses house.  It started out because I had to have surgery (they removed 3 bones from my left wrist which had been broken).  The bedroom I was using has a queen size bed and I had to keep my hand propped up.  My bed at my dads is my old twin bed.  I still need to keep it propped up at night as it helps cut down on the pain during the day.  My sister lives with my dad and we get along when we are not around each other much.  I proposed to my boss, that if I could stay at their place during the weekends and if I had to come in during the week, I would help take care of her 97 y/o mom who lives with them.  She is pretty alert and mainly the greatest help she needs is going to the bathroom.  I have grown very attached to her and vice versa.  I call her grandma.  I really enjoy taking care of her.  It helps with my depression.  Here is where the problem comes in.  Alot of times when my best friend wants to go and do something, either I can't or I can't spend as much time out and about if I am in town.  This does not bother me, in fact it is helping me save money.  Well yesterday I was talking to her as I was being accused of doing something at their house (feeding their dog who is already overweight), which I do not do at all.  It is my bosses husband who is saying this.  He is also my boss.  Well my friend told me that my  hand was healed enough that I no longer needed to stay over at my bosses house anymore.  What I am afraid of is that it could come to deciding on keep on doing what I am doing, which makes me happy and I want to do, or tell my bosses I can no longer help them and stay over there, in order to keep my friends.  This is eating me up inside  I have a very tough time making decisions as it is and this is one decision I made...the offer to help take care of grandma.  Now everyone it seems wants to tell me what to do.  I know if I quit staying at my bosses house and helping out, I am going to be misreable, yet if I chose to stay and be happy, I may lose my friends.  My friend was all for it at first.  But maybe she thinks I should not stay and help with grandma and quit becasue she insists my hand if fine, even though the dr. says it could take up to a year.

Thanks!

Chelsi

Chelsi, I gave your thread a title... Karen...

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 11/22/2010 2:57:34 PM (GMT-7)

Hi Karen,

Thanks for putting a title on it.  I totally forgot to.

I do not feel obligated to stay at their house.  It started out that I would come for an evening every now and then to sit with grandma when they went out.  Both my bosses are very busy.  I thoroughly enjoy being with grandma.  And while I am not getting paid, I think of it as making money since I am not out spending that much.  Yes, I do feel somewhat close to her, not so much with him.  See, sometime back she told me I was like part of the family.  She is 11 years older than I am and has never had kids.  My mom passed away when I was 24.  She is like a play mom to me.  My family growing up was close and we always spent holidays together, and while it was not a large family (extended such as grandparents, cousins ect.) it was large enough.  Now everyone is pretty much gone on my moms side except my uncle and their 3 kids who are all married and live in Texas.  My sister and I have never really gotten along very well.  She lives here with my dad and her husband will be moving  here in a year or two.  From things that have been said by my sister, I feel as if when my dad is gone, I will be on my own.  She used to say she would never let me be homeless.  She and her husband, while not rich, have done fairly well.  Now she is saying that when they buy a house here, I will not be allowed to stay overnight ever, even on holidays and weekends.  I live about 30 miles away from friends and family.  My boss has sort of opened their home to me.  I will admit she gets on my nerves at times, but am sure not nearly as often as I do hers.  I do understand the possibility of resentment, and yes, there has been a tiny bit but that is going to happen in any situation.  This is something I chose and offered to do.  I want for her and her husband to be able to go out sometimes.  Unless it is for a very short period of time, they cannot leave grandma alone.  I think at times she is pretty protective of me and she will get on me and I may end up in tears.  But I know down deep it is because she really does not have a free minute to herself.  She usually will go swimming for a short period most days. and right now it is worse because she is a professor at the community college and the semester will be ending soon and when I am not there on weekends or evenings, she spends alot of time taking care of her mom.  This does not leave her alot of time to do what she needs to.  Our biggest issues are that we come from two totally different lifestyles.  I have never made much money.  She is a professor and he is an atty.  They are a generation in front of me.  Helping others has always been a strong thing for me.  But I agree, I do need to spend time with my friends too.

Chelsi,
I worry about whether it will be too much strain on your relationship with your boss to have no time apart from each other. I know when I was in college I was roommates with someone who reported to me & it did put a strain on our relationship. In a normal business relationship, you can take a "mental health day" by calling in sick. But when you live with the person, it makes it a lot harder b/c I knew she wasn't actually sick, she just didn't feel like going into work that day. I tried to cover for her but I took a lot of flack for being short-staffed & then came home and basically gave her the silent treatment.
So she turned it on me & snapped at me for not doing my laundry in a couple weeks (which never bothered her before). So I think it's just tough to not have any time to yourself.

But if you feel like the strain about the dog can be resolved, then maybe it's time to find some friends in town. If you're truly happier being out of your dad's place, your friends should support you. I think the main thing is to make sure that you do have some time for your own interests. I agree with Karen that if your whole life revolves around your boss & her family, you are likely to end up resenting her. Balance is key. :)

hugz & prayers,
frances

Chelsi,

Think long and hard about this. I think that Kitt makes a very good point. Think back to where you were having a hard time with them. There is nothing wrong with helping them out once and a while and taking care of grandma so that they can go out. But don't make a habit of it, as they could easily start using you. They might be doing that now. If you stay with your dad, you have the option of going to see them and help if you want, and time to do some things with your friends too. If that is what you would rather do. Maybe you don't. And it is totally up to you. But familiarity breeds contempt. You spend a lot of time with them. I see it is like a second family, but as I said in my last post, you could eventually resent them. But you know in your heart what you want to do. I don't want to think that you are secluding yourself either. You need to get out. And for some reason I kept thinking that they(your bosses) were much older than they are. Oh well. I hope that you work this out. You have gotten some very good advice from other members. Do what is right for you.

Hugs, Karen