andybean,
Welcome to HealingWell. I am glad you found us and that you have shared your story with us.
When your fears have the best of you, it is easy to feel that things will not get any better. This is not true. There is much help available in today’s society and the best way to deal with your fears is to find effective ways to overcome them. Instead of focusing on doom, stay in the moment. Give yourself breathing space. Consider what matters to you. Establish a few manageable goals, then take small steps toward achieving them. Don’t try to stop everything at once as you may be setting yourself up for failure.
Please know coming here is a wonderful and courageous step. You are voicing your fears so you know what they are.
The members here care for you and are so willing to support you.
I am a 29 years survivor of depression ~ almost as long as your age. Do believe me with help, perhaps medication and therapy you can survive depression and learn to be happy again.
I wish you peace,
Kitt