just thought i would update.
Past few weeks have been emotional. Last night worst and best; slept in the car in -12 conditions and got hypothermia from it but best thing I was nowhere near dad; i was safe in that respect. Been sleeping rough here and there; trying to avoid the father...he's started with the manipulation, emotional abuse again...telling me to get a job and that i'm lying about
being bipolar, that there's nothing wrong with me, that i dont obey his orders anymore, that i have to follow his rules. I've had to go to the doctors a lot recently. bipolar getting worse again; as is spending/ self image/confidence going down hill again. highs/lows getting unstable; very emotional. i'm getting too attached with my boyfriend; terrified he'll leave me ( he's fantastic and understanding though. i love him for being gentle with me at the moment), keep getting nightmares, waking up screaming or crying. Confused loads too; my boyf makes me feel like a real woman, my dad makes me feel like a worthless little girl. I'm confused with who i am at the moment. I cant find myself any more. I'm at a severe low point. I'm not sure what to do. My boyfriend saw something that i wrote last night; he got worried and asked why I'm so secretive of my emotions, I told him it was because I didnt want to hurt him or make him worried. He hugged me and made me promise i would never leave him no matter what state i was in. I promised him I'll get stronger for him too
Bless him, he knows how to look after me and make me feel safe and secure. At least I'm safe with him. He's my everything. I'm just scared that I'll put pressure on him because he has unstable emotional problems and whatever my mood is, reflects on him too. I think he's ok for now though. I think I will be in time; I'm just going through a stupid rough period and it's killing me slightly.
I hope you guys are ok though. It makes me feel better if I know other people are ok and well and safe.
Anyway, back to bed, I'm still proper poorly lol. Love to all.
many hugs, arielle.