i have to say just yesterday i thought i was the happiest girl on earth, i had friends, i had a guy that i really liked, i'm moving forward...but today i feel like i just saw the truth behind the curtains.
i dont know why i feel like everything in my life is messed up, my family dislike me, my friends secretly dislike me and most of them are backstabbers, my ex thinks im a pain in the ass while the new guy im talking to thinks he can do whatever he wants with me, to top it up i'm failing in school and at my job.
i feel so pathetic and worthless. i just wanna curl up in a ball and pretend everything ok...
I want to fix this... i feel like everyday im trying to fix something but i end up going back down hill..i just dont understand whats the problem...maybe its just me?
i want some space from everything at least, even school, i want to sit down and cry and let everything out. i really want to give up because its so hard to try to to be better when i'm not even sure y i should even change
i thought about
it for awhile, imagining my life if i had the good looks, good styles, independent, healthy and being strong. i would have the confidence to ignore everybody's put downs and negative things they do. maybe guys wouldnt see me as someone to play with, maybe i would have friends who would like me, maybe my family wouldnt judge me so much and ignore me, maybe i would feel confident at work...
maybe i wouldnt care so much that my life is hard because i havent tried to fix myself first...
now that i think about
it, i realize something. i grew up with my older sister and she hates me. her eyes are constantly watching me, and every guy she had a crushed on went out with me. we use to be close sisters until i told her secrets and she ended up telling the world. later after i stopped talking to her she spies on me and sticks her nose in my life and talks about
me to other people. she grew up looking like a nerd where all the guys choose me over her and now she's perfect and every guy wishes she was with them. Now i feel like im jealous, i watched my life pass by and i still remain the same while she got better.
im so confused, i hate the fact that i have no idea what im doing wrong and theres so much drama, i hate the fact that i dont know where to go from here or how i can fix myself
Post Edited (chamari) : 2/23/2011 2:47:44 AM (GMT-7)