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Posted 3/23/2011 9:24 PM (GMT 0)
Sometimes, just sometimes, I am happy- like I am fine, almost normal really, almost too happy. But then soon after I'll go straight to a low- it's not even like a small low, like feeling just a bit unhappy. It's like really low, half the time I feel like giving up on all my exams and just curling up into a ball, other times I find myself nearly crying and getting really annoyed for no reason what so ever- even the smallest thing gets me feeling low nowadays.

Last year wasn't a good one for me at all, there was incidents with depression and then I was hospitalised and then I was bullied. This year hasn't been any better for me, in fact, it's going down the exact same road as last year.

I can't speak to anyone because they won't understand. My friends will think I'm attention seeking, my boyfriend will get annoyed any time I mention it so I don't want to risk losing him again, me and my mum don't get on well enough to talk about it, and I no longer see my dad. Today he messaged me saying I wouldn't see him again, since then I've not been feeling happy.

Me and my mum don't get on at all. I often get into physical and abusive fights with her and her partner, and my younger brother and sister have now joined in with them. I've been to school with bruises on my face before because of them and I get really hurt. I don't know if I can take anymore of the spiteful comments off her- it really brings me down.

I know there's something wrong- it's not normal for me to feel like this. I used to be normal I guess, but now I sometimes find it even a struggle to get out of bed in the mornings. I find that I get panicy if I get anything wrong or I am late for something- and I get stressed too easily. I am never fully happy, I am often on edge just waiting for yet another bad thing to happen.

I'm too scared to speak to anyone proffessional incase they laugh at me and tell me I'm stupid- but now I'm feeling really, really low and I don't even know what to do, like I said before, I can't speak to anyone without them pushing me away.

To be honest, I'm feeling really low and alone and not knowing what to do. Basically, I'm scared and don't trust myself.

Post Edited (HWU) : 3/23/2011 3:27:50 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 3/23/2011 9:48 PM (GMT 0)
Hi there and welcome to the forum.

Know that nobody professional would laugh at you or say you were stupid. They wouldn't even think that. It would really help you to talk to somebody. You may need to contact child protective services with what is going on at home.

It is understandable that you would be depressed with your home situation. Nobody deserves to be treated that way. Keep posting, make sure that you are safe at home. Do talk to a professional. It would help you gain a lot of ground and get your life under control.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 3/24/2011 12:43 PM (GMT 0)
thankyou for the advice Karen.

I just feel like people would put it down to something else- or even attention seeking. I'm not happy to be honest.

I am scared to do anything about home- I can't take it much more, but it's my family.

I don't know where I could go to get proffesional help though, it's akward.

I don't know what to do. I want to be happy to be honest.
Posted 3/24/2011 1:10 PM (GMT 0)
start out with a school counselor. You aren't being treated right at home. And you have to learn to put your needs first before you worry about your boyfriend and how he is going to act. If you need help, you need help. So be it.

If you got ahold of child protective services (if you are under 18), they would interviene. (sp)... But that could mean leaving your home and going into the system. But there is no reason that you should have to continue to live being bullied by your family. Think of you and how you feel. Would you want anybody else to go through that? I am sure that you wouldn't. There is no justification in how they are acting. You shouldn't have to live with this. The sooner you get out, the better. If you are going to school with bruises from your family, that just is not right. Please seek counseling with a school counselor and get some professional advice. I am really worried about your situation.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 3/24/2011 2:34 PM (GMT 0)
No one will put you down for seeking the help that you are in need of. I think many of us were in a similar place as you at some point, thinking about the stigma of our conditions but it just doesn't matter what other people are thinking if you are suffering. Think about you and how/what you are thinking and don't worry about others. I agree that a school counselor is a great place to start, its what they are there for and will know what the next step would be. Don't let yourself suffer anymore.
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