How to stop the worrying?

You've got to put trust in someone who is a specialist and believe what he is telling you. You must take the prescribed medications to alleviate the problems you have. You can reduce the amount of meds at a later time when you change your diet so that you are stabilized without heavy sedation.

The major factor is to do what the psychiatrist says about taking medications. These people know what they're talking about. If you
are serious about recovery, that's the step you must initiate. Otherwise, all the talk in the world isn't going to change anything. You will just keep going round and round, getting nowhere.

The truth must be accepted for growth and maturity. Frankly, it's
very enlightening to follow directions given you by a specialist in the field of your illness, and recovery or chemical balance is just a matter of time following the doctor's recommendations.

Take care.

It's Genetic

Re direct your thoughts. When I get hypomanic, I know this sounds crazy, I go into my bedroom, get it very dark in there and just sit and listen to the quiet. Alot of times I just calm down simply from not being overstimulated by the TV, or other people in the house or the dog barking. It takes work to train your brain but you can learn to not let your mind totally take you over.

Gem

I've tried doing that Gem but I'm gotten to the point where my own thoughts kind of scare me. I don't think of anything outragious, it's just I no longer trust myself. I don't want to hear the stupid thoughts of what I want to do, what I should be doing, oh my god how bad I feel, what is this head tingling, this headache, when will it go away? When can I get back to having fun and being with friends? When can I get my confidence back in my everyday activities?

Those are the thoughts andcycles I try to avoid....so I kind of do my best to totally avoid silence lol.

Anyway, I had a scary moment last night. I feel like a darn 2 year old writing this but, I just can't tell if it was a dream or something that really happened. I sleep so lightly lately so I don't know if this was actually some crazy weird psychotic moment. But I remember it vividly that I was lying on my bed and staring at the foot of my bed and I could see my legs and my feet, and the bed was tilting violently back and forth and shaking me and I heard this very creepy voice talking to me, I couldn't really make out what it was saying but I freaked the hell out. I either A-woke up and thought it was real or B-sat up and snapped out the psychotic moment. I went in the bathroom and looked in the mirror and I was white as a darn ghost, I just tossed water on my face and stared into my eyes wondering what the hell is going on with me. Took me a good 2 hours to get back to sleep.


Lately to sleep I've been taking 6 mg of melatonin, it helps get me through the earlier part of the night, from like 11-2 or 3, then I struggle with waking up every hour on the hour from them until 6 am. So sleep is still pretty ridiculously rough for me to come by. But yea, it's moments like this morning that make me question my sanity....now I'm back to mildly worrying about if I'm ok or not.

Another huge problem I have is the fact that I never really envisioned myself in this type of job, and never really saw myself as the type of person to be socially independent and able to make good friends at work and out in places, alawys thought I just had the friends I grew up with and that was it. So now working in a corporate setting and meeting new people and having them atke interest in my everyday life, and just the fact of thinking of completely different things as far as where I was 2 years ago....where I was basically just thinking about my family business. It's a very huge and strange adjustment.

Yea I definetly am at the point where I'm worried that I worry, it's a pretty ridiculously annoying cycle. I just got done with work today, I don't normally work sundays but I covered at a different branch that has sunday hours. I just get so pissed though, I feel absolutely nothing most of the time. I don't know if it's because I expect more out of myself or what it is, but I just always feel like I'm not doing enough. Like I'm not enthusiastic enough, like I'm not social enough, like I'm not doing everything perfectly. That's what I was thinking about all day while I was at work today and it really did ruin my mood for the majority of the day. The most retarded thing is is that I'm really starting to get this job down, as out of it and as unreal as everything seems, I'm getting pretty darn nasty at my job :). But the only thing is, I can't enjoy that confidence because I just doubt everything I'm doing. Even down to something as simple as walking, I feel like I'm not walking straight or correctly or different. It's so freakin annoying to be this self conscious. Don't know if I'm able to correct this or if I'm always just going to be a nervous/negative person.

 

I had panic attaks for a while myself. My big turn-a-round with them was getting it into my head that IF something bad was to happen to me out there, someone, I don't know who, would help me. It's that feeling of flailing around alone in need of assistance and no one helps you that was the root of my troubles.

I also have experience depersonalization. That kinda sucks too. I just wait it out, it goes away eventually.

But I want to add this too. If you have found a therapist that IS actually helping you then I congratulate you on your persistence or luck. I wasn't so lucky. I have had some terrible therapists.   Eventually when I started DREADING my appointments, I just had to stop going altogether. Took a break then started hunting for a new one. Don't get me wrong, it's just that sometimes we just don't "Click" with certain people. So don't feel guilty or bad if that happens because it's gonna happen eventually. Unless of course you live a charmed life where everything goes right.

It means a lot to hear that from you Karen :). I honestly really doubt if I'm improving or not at times, it's really hard me to notice it when just about anything I do seems to feel so new and odd. Especially when my memory is so darn poor that I forget half the crap I do in a given day lol.

I definetly hear where you're coming from Glacier. I didn't click with my first.....5 therapists? lol I don't know if I'll ever CLICK with any of them really, but atleast this one I am seeing now I TRUST. He seems to have a good grip on what I want to accomplish from therapy, on exactly what I'm feeling, and hopefully on the next visit we can start getting together a gameplan to get my darn head back on straight. Because I just feel like one insanely messed up 25 yr old dude.... Just have to keep on keepin on though, I refuse to let my depersonalization/negative thoughts get in the way of my work. It's the one thing that's holding everything together right now is my job.

Just to complain about some other things too, the things that bring me down the most lately are the fact that I don't really want to do anything. I just want to lay around and do absolutely nothing. I know everyone says not to look back and to look foward, but....I can't help but think back to myself 2 years ago before I thought of ANY OF THIS. Back when I would hustle at work like crazy, be active and workout after work and enjoy it, play pickup basketball/softball games. Nowadays that guy is nowhere to be found. Tryin to get him back but I just don't see that fight in me anymore that I used to have. Think that will come back? I used to workout pretty hard and really push myself and enjoy it, now I just do it to avoid depression. Two very different outlooks on life from then to now.

Mike,
Sorry I haven't been following all of your threads, so maybe you've already mentioned this, but are you seeing a psychiatrist?

If not, I'd recommend that. If so, have you discussed prescription sleep medication? Meds like Ambien & Lunesta have a controlled release mechanism that makes them last through the night. Anti-anxiety meds (like Xansx) can also help with sleep. I'm not at all able to diagnose you, but there is such a thing as Sleep Deprivation Psychosis. It means that you are not normally psychotic, but due to lack of sleep you begin to have psychotic episodes. It is your mind's way of letting you know that you need to get help so you can sleep.