depressed over my wife

care2much

Regular Member

Joined : Nov 2010

Posts : 23

Posted 4/6/2011 5:28 PM (GMT 0)

i posted a few days ago. thank you getting by for ur reply. i need to get over her because her situation is bringing me down, i tried to help so much, but i feel like no matter what i do i cant win. i go above and beyond and then get disappointed because she doesnt show me just a lil respect, maybe its the alcohol, i dont want to believe that this is the women i fell in love with. I would of done anything to make this work. Does anyone have advice on how to move on, everyone tells me to be mad at how she treated me but i still love her and i dont want to be mad to make myself feel better, any books or something that can help me thru this. thanks

getting by

Forum Moderator

Joined : Sep 2007

Posts : 45296

Posted 4/6/2011 5:57 PM (GMT 0)

I think you need to come to realize that you have done what you could and that she has to be the one to help herself. Most of the help you give her is only enabling her to continue what she is doing. And remember it isn't her. It is the disease. I do agree you need to take a step back so you can get some objectivity of the situation. When you love somebody and you are too close to them, you can't see things for what they really are. Try to convince her into getting more help. Does she see a counselor regularly? She is hurting everybody around her really and can't see it.

Take a break from the situation. Let her know, if she asks, that you need a break and that you are trying to take care of yourself. Let her know that she needs to be proactive about getting some help. You might have to go so far as to tell her that you aren't going to help her anymore until you can see that she is helping herself. And don't feel guilty about it. It is called tough love. It is obvious that you love her, but now it is her time to help herself before it is too late.

I hope that this helps some.

Hugs, Karen

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