Lost

Hi I am new to this forum. I hope it is a small blessing in disguise.
I just moved from California out to Colorado with my boyfriend. He got his dream job as the head director art animator for his brothers company. I was excited about it but scared about it as well. Finally, moved out here after waiting a month. Everything seemed to be going fine, but my insecurity of my boyfriend being with another woman seemed to fill my soul. It consumed me and I would tell myself it was all in my head. Finally after one last accusation my boyfriend broke up with me. Right after Christmas. Now it has been 4 months, I have gotten worse. My depression and fear was strong before but now it is overpowering. Because of this, I don't even want to clean. I am a clean freak. Not OCD just like everything to be clean. I don't leave my room and that has hurt my relationship with my ex's boyfriend and girlfriend. Oh yeah, did I forget to mention I am still living with my ex and his brother? Yes, I am and it is killing me. My ex and I are best friends. We laugh joke and even sleep together. I don't have much of a choice. I have no where else to go and I have my 16 year old daughter living with us.
To explain how bad it has gotten, his brother was walking through the living room and stopped in front of me, flipped me off and told me how much he hates me with every fiber of his being. WOW. I was in shock. I was kinda happy up to that point which is rare. But that not only knocked the smile off my face, it crushed me. No one has ever hated me, I never gave anyone any reason to. I am friendly. I like to do things for people, not as much as I used to because people are so untrustworthy and take advantage of kindness.
Oh yeah and I don't talk to his brother. When I did try to converse with him, he told me he didn't care. I thought to myself, ok, well than I won't talk to you. Its much deeper than just not talking to him, but I think that's a big part of it.
Since that day, I have not gone downstairs while he was in the room. He scares me now. The only time I leave is when I need to go out or after he goes to bed which is between 11 pm and 1 am. My ex told me he didn't care.
My ex loves me, he wants to be with me just not while I am feeling insecure about him. I understand that and I haven't asked or said anything about it. But he and his brother tease me about having a girl over and always talking about other women.
I haven't really done anything that constitutes hatred toward me. I am sick and tired of this depression and anxiety. I can't afford to go to the dr. otherwise I would have.
Just need some outside views and opinions. I can't handle any harsh words, I know this situation is ridicules but I love this man and I want it to work out.

Thanks

I think that the classes are such a good idea. You need to be able to live on your own. I know you are in a situation where you probably can't just up and move. But I think that when you get a chance, you should try to get your own place and get out of that house. I don't think this situation is doing you any good emotional wise. How do you pay your way now? Are you working? How are you going to be able to pay for classes? Either way, I think it is great what you are doing. Keep up the good work.

Hugs Karen