can someone tell me whats wrong?

I'm not sure what's been going on with me lately. I get emotionally depress really easy even when nothing dramatic is going on. I feel like I need to talk to someone about this but going to a counselor seems too much of a handle for me. I just wish I didn't feel this way. Sometimes I would feel so sad that I don't even want to be here anymore. I feel like I've gotten myself to where I want to be but I don't know why I am not happy...

I think some issues are money, relationships and my family. I look up to my older sister but I feel as though she purposely wants to make my life a lot harder then it is, I feel as though we're enemies even though I help her the most during her hard times in return she does things and say things that really effect me. I lose confidence, continue to become secretive and alone. I feel like my family ignores me, they think I'm crazy because I have a short temper and I'm not understanding but really they don't even know what I'm going through.

I've started spending money a lot because I'm so sad all the time and once I buy something it cheers me up. Now I feel like it's not working anymore, I need something more.

Relationship between my ex boyfriend and I have effected me the most. I don't know if I am just being selfish because I still want to stay with him. But I hate him, the only reason why I want him to stay is because I feel like he really ruined my life and turned everything upside down for me. I just want him to heal the scars he had caused. But is it really possible?

I just dont know whats wrong.
is it because of these situation I'm always so depress?
Today i was in a really good mood, extremely tired but I was having a good time. Then all of a sudden I felt so depressed that I just wanted to cry.

Theres so much more thats going on I only think that talking to a counselor would help me more than anything. But I just cant do it.