Mother is depressed after my father passed away 2 yrs ago

My father passed away in june of 09.  My parents had been married for 35 years.  My father had struggled with hep c and a liver transplant in 1985.  My mom was a rock for him for everything.  He was diagnosed with cancer and passed away within a few months.  I live 2 states away and am not able to get back home as frequently as I would like.  I just went home for an extended weekend and was suprised at the state of mind she was in.  She has been bitter and tired after my father passed away, but it seems like she is even more depressed than ever.  She is angry and has let her house go, even moving furniture out of the house and into a shed.  There are kitchen chairs in the house, but no table because it was collecting trash so she just took it outside. Other furniture has also been removed. I have had a few calls from a friend lately who is a county sherriff and patrols at night.  He has inquired about her not sleeping and being up at all hours when he goes by. She has become verbally abusive towards her neighbors, who have always been there for her and dad.  Her and I have had a hard time communicating since dad passed away.  I am unsure of how to help her. I tried to get her to go to counceling, she declined.  A friend did get her to go to a support group, she became angry and left. Any suggestions would be helpful. This is a brief overlay of what we have going on. I know I have left a lot out, sorry.

vickie

my healing compassionate thoughts i send to you vickie. welcome. can a welfare check be done by the police? with kindness, jamie

Good Afternoon,
I’m sorry to hear about your mother I hope things are better.
I going though the same situation with my mother.
My father passed away in 2016 and my mother started disappearing off and on and destroying the house where her and my father lived. She started being physically and mental abusive to my sister and myself . My sisters and their families were living on property that my parents owned. My mom didn't give much notice and sold the property.
She was being horrible going to all our works and harassing us , she would call us and say I'm going to get you all fired. She has so much hate in here it was so sad. I understand that she is grieving and we all tried to be supportive.
She disappeared for a few days no one knew where she was. We reported her missing.
They found her in another state. She was walking the streets . We brought her back home and tried to get her into grieving support and a mental evaluation she refused.
She started thinking people we following her taping her phone.
She would get a new phone ever month. She started soaking all the furniture in the house , soaking the walls everything was soaking wet not sure what caused her to do that .
A year later we thought she was going better she started going to church and then she started grieving group and got her own apartment .
Recently she started wetting everything again she soaked the floors in her apartment and walls. She doesn't admit it . Tried getting her to go to doctor for her annual apt, she refuses to go to anything we offered to go to family grieve counseling she became very angry. She gets in her anger moods and says some really horrible thing to my sisters.
We called adult services on her a few years ago and nothing over came out of it .
My sister though it would be a great idea for her to be with the grandkids. So my sister invited her over to spend time with the kids. My sister has cameras in her house . My mother started wetting the walls with Windex. Then was talking and curing to herself talking about out father who is passed away saying really horrible things
I can tell she is so angry .
We don't know what else to do to help my poor mother
Any suggestion would be helpful . We feel so helpless . She has lost so much weight and is always so angry all of the time.
She never used to drink or smoke and now she is starting to do that .