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How do I help/support someone with depression ?

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Posted 7/27/2011 5:44 AM (GMT 0)
I have a dear friend who suffers from chronic depression. I learned of this about 4 months ago. He said it started after his father passed away back in 94. I'd experienced him a little depressed and mood swings, etc...but nothing major, until now. Along with the everlasting issue of not letting his father go and the impact his death has had on him through the years...he is also undergoing financial & work issues. We have the same birthday which just passed on the 23rd, and the day before,he told me he wished he were dead. And then a couple nights later saying he wished he had a gun. It was really hard and upsetting to hear him speak this way. He said he couldnt help it and that he just doesn't care anymore, along with depreciating comments on himself. I don't know how to think of it, being that I've only known him a short time, thought we've become close friends. I dont know if it just the deep depression talking, or if is truly, truly how he feels.

He is naturally the type to want space when very stressed, etc. Being that we are so alike I kind of get him in ways others dont...so I didnt have a problem spacing away and not talking much...He is for the most part, shut down and rarely communicative..anytime i say anything he just gets moody or doesnt respond all together. I usually just let him come to me on his own...which is every few days or so but we never have an actual conversation. I'm afraid to even try to talk about anything at all, because i never know what mood will strike. He was very happy when receiving my birthday gift, but then went right back to his moods/depression...

I'm concerned because we never know what anyone will do....and I don't want to assume anything even if I feel deep down he wouldnt hurt himself. but in knowing hes suffered this a long time, i dont know if it getting worse.... I am just lost as to how to be there or what to do at all....It is saddening.....and I just need advice....Usually I know how to handle situations, but this has me on an emotional grip.....
Posted 7/27/2011 9:19 AM (GMT 0)
Roxie,

Your friend is very lucky to have you as his friend. The way he responded to his birthday gift shows he does want to smile or be happy, but it just fades too fast because of his depression.

I understand him not wanting to talk about anything or to reach out too. But if I may, I would suggest you see if he will get help. When I was going through something similar and it got worse, I had my sister who took me to the doctor. She made me feel like I didn't have to do it all on my own.

Maybe if you can offer to do that for him he will accept that treatment or maybe seeing a counselor could really help him. It can't undo what's happened but he may learn to move on or live again.

I hope you can reach him, it sounds like you really care.
Posted 7/27/2011 2:31 PM (GMT 0)
Roxie,

Firebird is right, see if you can get him to go to counseling, or a psychiatrist. He needs help and posdsibly medication to get through this. You are a good friend.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 7/27/2011 10:05 PM (GMT 0)
Roxie,

I am sorry with what your going thru with your close friend. You sound like an amazing friend & I'm sure he appreciates you being there. I wish I had some great advice to tell you. I know with my own depression that I feel very guilty that as much love as my husband and 7-kidz and grandson gives me, it just doesn't fix me. Its hard to explain.

Your friend will be in my thoughts and prayers as well as you. Just being there for him and letting him know that you are there if and when he ever wants to talk. Your caring & so supportive and thats something he needs right now.

Your Healingwell Friend,

Serenitee

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