Helping Others But Others can't help me?

mi6

New Member

Joined : Sep 2011

Posts : 1

Posted 9/11/2011 2:55 AM (GMT 0)

Hello Healingwell members,

I'm totally new here and don't quite know the ropes yet. Not sure if I should jump straight to my problem or introduce myself to an... anonymous world.

I guess a little about me, I was married for 4 years divorced in 2008, several months after the divorce was finalized (4 months to be exact) my mother passed away. I am a father of 2 girls. I don't really have friends I can talk to, except for one. That one has been there a lot for me during those years since 2008 but has recently reduced her "being there for me".

For years I've always been there for other people. Offering my support lending my ear , just over all being there for people NO MATTER What. There are times when I will totally set aside my issues and help others so they won't suffer anymore than what they do. Yet...when I get to my limits with my own issues, I feel no one is there for me. I tend to feel empty, alone, cut off from people even when i express my need for help.

My mother had been diagnosed with Breast Cancer 4 years before her death and within that time also diagnosed with depression. I too think that I am, Standard symptoms for it show that I would. I've not really gone to a doctor because well...i'm afraid of them. Always have been due to other issues.

I guess my question is...am I wrong for feeling anger and resent me when no one is there to help me? If I need to elaborate on how I help others let me know.

getting by

Forum Moderator

Joined : Sep 2007

Posts : 45296

Posted 9/11/2011 3:27 AM (GMT 0)

Hi mi6,

Look at it this way. You are a compassionate person who listens to other peoples problems. Not everybody has that quality. Maybe your friends don't have it in them to be that way. Some of us are more compassionate than others. But that doesn't make the others bad people, they probably excell in other aspects where we don't.

And when you do something for somebody, you do it because you want to. Not because you expect them to do the same thing back. It is like a gift. Your support is a gift from you to them. Now you don't expect people to return that gift or pay for it do you? Then when you give your gift, you shoudln't get upset if it isn't returned.

But I think that if you had a counselor to talk to that would be a gift for you from somebody else. When we give, we don't always get back from the same person. But we do get back. Because I ahve seen it many times and in more ways than one. What comes around goes around.

So get yourself some help. Keep your friends. Just don't depend on them for emotional support. Find out if you are depressed. Learn from the experience.

Hugs, Karen

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