Lost and Confused

Depression has been destroying my life lately.

I am 19 and in my second year of college, about 6 months ago I got sent to the hospital and was diagnosed with clinical depression.  Since then I have been rehospitalized once and my medications have been changed several times.  I still feel as though my medication is not working.  Over the past month everything took a turn for the worse and I have stopped going to classes even though I actually love learning, I don't hang out with my friends anymore, I cry at least a couple of hours every day, I have lost most of my hope, and self harm has once again found a place in my life.

I worked with the psychiatrist for so long trying several different medications and nothing seems to be working...  I have gotten to the point where I have just started lying to everyone telling them I'm feeling better even though I'm not because after six months I am so tired of putting all this effort into something and not seeing any results.  I don't know why but both my psychologist and counselor believe me everytime I tell them I'm ok, yet really I'm falling apart.

I just don't know what to do anymore,  I've been lying to everyone for so long and don't know how I'm going to break the truth to them, but I do know that I have to.  I'm just so scared.

Any advice on how to finally admit the truth?

Any advice on how I am supposed to ask my friends for help, I know they are there for me, and I want to talk to them, but I'm scared and don't know how to talk to them about something I don't even understand?

Any advice on how I can help myself get motivated again?

I just don't know what to do anymore, I do know that I want to fight it, but I just don't know how.

Jamiee has great suggestions. And honesty is critical to getting better.

I was telling everybody I was fine too for months, the meds wern't working, I'd cry in secret all day long and put that face on, and dying inside. I was so tired of trying, it seemed insumountable and futile to keep trying. Just let that tide pull me under.

But, life is precious and I have a daughter so one day I walked in to my shrink and sat down and the tears started rolling...she was shocked..she wanted to hospitalize me right away, I said no and she added abilify. That seems to be helping some. And now my team knows I'm in crisis-you've got to drop that facade w/ them, get it out, articulate and then you talk w/ your friends (I hate getting all blubbery w/ mine) and family.

This is a great place w/ warm folks but we cannot take the place of your docs. Please see them asap and be honest, believe me, you aren't the first that has masked for them.

You are bright young w/ everything to live for and my heart breaks to see someon so young feeling this way. My 15 yr old was just diagnosed w/ depression and boy, is that depressing-lol

Please let us know

Maggie

Coming clean to your friends is not nearly as important as coming clean to yourself and your doctors.

As far as how to come clean to your doctors go tell them what you have to us. I assure you that you are not the first person who has said to them that they are Ok when they really were not. Also give your doctors some credit. They may very know you are not as Ok as you try to pretend to them you are. They may very be waiting for you to take the next step and tell them the truth and ask for help.

Doctors are very limited on what they can do until the patient admits what is wrong and asks for and truly wants help. Unless they truly believe and can justify their belief that a person is a immediate danger to themselves or others their hands are pretty well tied.

As far as medications go, they are only one tool that is used in treating depression, and meds should be viewed as an aide in the fight rather than the "cure". Most of the time it takes a combination of meds, therapy, and other approaches used together to get depression under control.