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Posted 10/27/2011 6:00 PM (GMT 0)
I have been trying really hard to get out of this. I am taking the celexa, just finished the week of 600mg lithium, reading several self help books, doing the exercises in the workbook from my therapist and trying to stay positive.

After the almost 3 months of daily grief, I experienced 2 or 3 good days within the bad ones. After increasing the celexa I had more good days. By good I mean not crying or feeling down the whole day. Well last week I had a couple of days that I felt happy. I thought I had made it through, but this week is bad. Today I want to cry every few minutes, my hands are shaking and I feel bad.

I can't take this back and forth, up and down. Very sad right now, thinking I will never beat this.
Posted 10/27/2011 6:20 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Stillme,

Try to take it one day at a time. Not all days are going to be good, but you should expect most of them to be. It sounds like you are very gradually getting better. Enjoy the good days and take the bad ones as they come. We all want to have more good days than bad. So you aren't alone there. Today could be better for me too, but I am trying to go with the flow of things. It isn't always easy, bue we try. I hope that your day gets better. Do you think that the lithium helped you?

We all get that feeling of not going to be able to beat depression. Know that we have been there and we uncerstand how you feel. It is hard, fighting day to day, what seems like forever. But it will get better, if it doesn't, think about a med adjustment or change. You, like most of us, have probably been on many types of meds. It gets frustrating trying time after time, but there is a combination out there for you and you will find it. I take abilify with my anti depressant. Have you ever tried that. It is basically a mood stabilizer but used for many things. It seems to compliment that ad and make it work better. It helps me with obsessive thinking too.

I truly hope that you feel better soon. Keep us posted.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 10/27/2011 6:46 PM (GMT 0)
Oh dear stillme

So sorry to hear you hit a speed bump-I'm kinda there now too, after a too short upswing.
It's hard when you start feeling better and this little voice says in your head"is this it? Is this the end of the nightmare?" and then it isn't.

But, at least we are both getting a glimpse of what we can attain if we can stick it out. I was straightenig up and found some scrapbooks Katie and I made after Katrina for therapy...and I cried and cried. They went right back up in the closet-lol. Maybe another day, right?

I think abilify is helping a little but now I think welbutrin isn't working too well-been on it for 6 years. The whole trick with meds is that right combo. It sounds like you are really trying, more than I am. Hang in there...we are here...all day...lol

Maggie
Posted 10/27/2011 10:14 PM (GMT 0)
mad  I feel very abandoned and scared. I am 68 and out of a job. I feel alone and useless.
Posted 10/27/2011 10:21 PM (GMT 0)
Hi phinney

Welcome to our forum. Now you are not alone anymore...we are here.

I'm sorry you lost your job. I would feel scared too. That is alot to deal with.

Have you seen anyone, or talked to any counselors? That is the first step to feeling better again.
We are here to listen so you can tell your story if you want to.

I hope you continue to talk to us
Take care

Maggie
Posted 10/28/2011 1:08 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks for your support. It is much needed. Phinney we are here.
Posted 10/28/2011 2:33 AM (GMT 0)
you have my total support too stillme. yes phinney, we are here for you, jamie.
Posted 10/28/2011 6:12 AM (GMT 0)
I don't have the right to be depressed and besides I'm too busy dealing with my pain. I took a psych evaluation for my Pain Pump Trial and lied my ass off!

I was injured on the job thanks to the reckless actions of another coworker and as a result I lost my job/career and suffer from Chronic Back/Leg Pain! I found out all my friends were just coworkers and acquaintances...who have since stopped calling, texting and stopping by.

I'm isolated in my home alone all day while my wife works. We have little time together and when we do I have to lay down, take a nap or we argue about money and me being lazy. It's just myself and my wife living in a State I hate, with no family and now no friends. I often can't sleep during the night and day...hardly ever sleep...just collapse from physically/mental exhaustion. It's 2am and I'm still wide awake!

My wife keeps on me about writing a book. I keep putting it off, saying it hurts my back to sit and write, which is true. However, deep down inside I am afraid the real reason I keep putting it off is because once I'm done...I'm done.

Charles
Posted 10/28/2011 10:53 AM (GMT 0)
I'd say you have a lot of reasons to feel depressed. We do find out who our friends are when chronic illness hits, and that's depressing right there. Isolation is your worst enemy. I MAKE myself go to store coupla times a week and MD appts.
Are you able to get up and around a litle or bed-bound? Yes, insomnia comes with the territory and we have members worldwide so there is usually one of us around.

You could always use a digital recorder for book or tablet lying down. they have those voice programs now too to speak to your computer. I find writing helps me sort things out, to articulate my frustration and sadness.
You have had your normal life yanked away from you and you will have to grieve over that like you would a loved one...I hear the angry stage right now.

But we are here to listen and not judge..keep writing..it's good practice-lol

Take care Maggie
Posted 10/28/2011 11:07 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Charles,

Welcome to the forum. I see you post on chronic pain. That is a very good forum. With all you are going through, it is hard to think that you aren't depressed a little. Chronic pain does cause depression. I am glad that you posted here. Everybody is so supportive. Keep letting us know how you are doing.

I have fibromyalgia and I know how it goes. The weather, stress, work, and just day to day living is hard.

Keep posting,

Hugs, Karen
Posted 10/28/2011 11:19 PM (GMT 0)
Well I spoke to my psych and she said I wasn't supposed to stop the lithium. She noted how much better I looked last Sat. I told her I was back down and she said take the lithium and call on Mon to let her know how I am doing.

I really appreciate her. The office sent her a message and she called me back twice because I missed her first call. That made me feel good. I even cleaned up the main level of my house. Hoping that brighter moments are on the horizon.
Posted 10/29/2011 12:00 AM (GMT 0)
Stillme,

I hope that the lithium helps you. I am glad you have such a good doc. It was nice of her to return your call. I had xrays on my hand a few weeks ago and my doc never did call me to tell me the results. Probably forgot or something. But I know it isn't broken. I sprained my finger walking my dog. So maybe it sin't any thing that they can do for it anyway.

It sounds like you got a lot done today, I bet that feels good. I hope that you keep feeling good.

Take care,

Hugs, Karen
Posted 10/29/2011 12:36 AM (GMT 0)
yeah keep feelin' good stillme. jamie :-)
Posted 10/29/2011 12:40 AM (GMT 0)
Congrats on getting some work done! That is always a big accomplishment with depression, getting yourself to do things that need to get done.

You are very fortunate to have such a caring doctor. I hope the lithium helps you through this.
Posted 10/29/2011 9:02 AM (GMT 0)
the more we can do, the better we feel...

what a great doc...I'm jealous, mine are just too busy..

Glad you are doing good
Maggie
Posted 10/29/2011 3:09 PM (GMT 0)
with continued healing compassion, jamie
Posted 10/30/2011 2:53 AM (GMT 0)
Took a nap today. Woke up and thought I had slept all night. Went to pick up a few things from the grocery store then cleaned my dresser. Didn't feel like it but kept pushing. Had several waves of sadness but continued through the tears. Trying to occupy my mind.
Posted 10/30/2011 7:23 AM (GMT 0)
you did very well. jamie.
Posted 10/30/2011 10:53 AM (GMT 0)
atta girl!! When I first suffered dep. back in 1970's...I went for weeks not getting dressed personal hygiene etc. My father told me to go pick up his dry cleaning (it was just he and I). He said "just do that 1 thing today-but you have to do it....and I hated him for it. but I did it. "Now" he said "sweep the stoop and wash dishes today" and so on and altho that was a situational apisode (1st love dumped me) that approach helps me today. I tell myself"you have to get up and wash clothes-1 load" and I usually get a few more things done too. At least when we lie down, we don't have to have all that guilt on us too. We kno we tried

Take care stillme
Maggie
Posted 11/15/2011 8:41 PM (GMT 0)
we are all going to have good and bad days. Who are these supposed folks who are happy all of the time?

I am starting to realize that depression and sadness is simply PART OF THE HUMAN CONDITION. 

So trying to numb yourself with medication is not an answer, folks.

nope, I don't necessarily have a better one, except that I have personally found that God helps.

 

Posted 11/15/2011 8:54 PM (GMT 0)
Yes, Red Velvet and still me,

The human condition needs God; the preferance for Spiritual Guidance rather than our own leadership provides extraordinary relief and even joy. Try reading some inspirational works, still me, or meditation on
quiet things. The release is wonderful.
Posted 11/16/2011 3:28 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks IG, my only friend that knows what I am going to tells me this every day. I have been listening to inspiring music.

I'm just mentally tired and my body feels empty but very heavy.

Sadness is a part of life and even periods of depression, but what I have going on is extreme, probably beyond what one would consider normal. Red Velvet hopefully I will be able to contain these feelings and bring them back into the realm of normal. Keep me in your prayers.
Posted 11/16/2011 6:44 AM (GMT 0)
i hear you, jamie. and am here 4 you too.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

JAMIE
Posted 11/16/2011 11:53 AM (GMT 0)
pray...journal...breathe deeply...and repeat

kinda kidding but not entirely

M
Posted 11/17/2011 12:54 AM (GMT 0)
Crying. Hope tomorrow is better. Beginning to think that this is just going to be my life forever.
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